Racism is alive and well; but we already knew this.

Peace

You're absolutely right. This column is disgusting.

I was amazed to see the negative comments above (especially since I'm usually one of the first to notice things like racism), but the article had struck me as edgy, yes, but mostly as a love story, and I was quite touched by it. Your daughter is a very lucky little girl.

I echo the directly above comment (it's also nice to see that people will only cry racism if they can be Anonymous...).

 Sure, some might call it edgy. My Jewish friends (and their mothers :p) would call it fact! But I wouldn't call it racist...

How is having a religio-ethnic preference for the father of your child any different than what any of you are doing with your spouses? She isn't saying that other groups are inferior, just that she wants one particular one (her own).

A religo-ethnic preference is ipso facto racist. One might argue about this from the viewpoint of relationships. But the preference is for particular genes. Revolting.

A religo-ethnic preference is only ipso facto racist if you don't understand what racism is. In spite of centuries of asshats trying to provide proof of it, there is no Jewish race. There is, however, a religo-ethnicity, which often devolves into that horrible Jewish religo-ethnicism which made the Jews put Germans in ghettos and death camps. Jewish tribalism isn't worse than anyone elses. Lighten up, douchebag.

Obviously, idiot. Tribalism plus endogamy is just primitive, regardless of whose. When a particularistic religion is added the result is intellectually unacceptable. If you'd like another example, try Vedic brahmins. What is important is culture (and language), not biological kinship.

Then, apparently, most of the humans on the planet are primitive. Except for you. You're a post-modern genius. And a self-righteous douchy one at that. Nice of you to dictate your mores to the planet. Thanks. You should run for office.
There's no historical imperative for Jews to procreate. They should just disappear into other societies. Thanks, Lenin.

They didn't rule out Goyim from the get-go, they lowered it down to men with similar backgrounds after sorting though other criteria first. what should they have done, pick the name from a hat? is that PC enough?

Straight people don't know how lucky they are. They get to kill two birds with one stone. By the time they have a child (yes, even if it wasn't planned), they already know who it will be with. Whether its with your spouse or a one night stand, they still get to choose. Gay couples aren't so lucky. We don't have the luxury of passing down our winning personalities and fetching good looks so it seems only fair that we get to shop around a little bit.

My girlfriend and I want kids. Neither of us are too keen on childbirth, but if we had to chose a sperm donor, he would inevitably be different from at least one of us since we're from completely different backgrounds. And if we adopt, our kid probably wouldn't be like EITHER of us, assuming we even knew the details of his/her roots. So our children will have to learn our traditions and our histories no matter how we make our family. But enough about me...

Who cares if they were seeking a Jewish donor? The bottom line is, they are one big, happy, Jewish family, even if they used Gentile sperm to make it.

PS- even if your comments were warranted, you lost all credibility by posting anonymously.

but really?  are you seriously suggesting we implicitly forbid individual women who'll be gestating and birthing and raising (presumptuously with a whole lotta love) a new human being the right to choose carefully and using whatever personal preference she pleases the particular sperm she allows into her body?do you allow and and all sperm into your body?  in the service of blind/deaf/dumb universal human relations?  to prove you're not racist or elitist or classist or [fill in the blank]?  if i were dedicating my body and life to the rearing of a child, i think i'd be real fucking specific about how that happened.  

I posted the first post.

"Without ever joining a temple, learning to count to ten in Hebrew, or comprehending the meaning of Purim, being Jewish had informed everything about me—from my sense of humor and taste in food to the process by which I finally found a donor. Jewish law aside, there was no way a child of ours could be anything but Jewish" Harlyn states.

So w/o acting Jewish, she claiims by her 'Ashkenazi eggs' alone she is Jewish; so this is racism predicated upon blood alone.

Indeed, mayhap being that "while not all of the donors were Jewish, all of the Jewish donors wrote well," well of course, do not 'they' always get the best schooling available. Or are we now to suppose innately some races are more intelligent than others? Are the Japanese, Jews, and Dutch just inherently more intelligent than Africans, Native 'Americans,' and the Chinese; or is intelligence not largely crafted by environment and upbringing, and formal education?

Are we to now say that just because an unborn child has Ashkenazi blood, their IQs are automatically 20% higher than Sephardic children, or African children, or anybody else?

Is she going to pass it through the fire if the little Buddha does not have a 'Jewish' sense of humor? What is a 'Jewish' sense of humor anyway? Somebody that says they care about the orphaned, widows, and strangers, yet actually dedicate their intelligence to 'going after the gold?' Or is it a joke only a 'Jewish' bankers' daughter could understand . . .

Is Harlyn more Jewish even while not practicing Judaism, than Michael Richards or Madonna who say they are Jewish b/c they are versed in Jewish lore?

Anyway . . .

I am happy that these two girls chose to have a child, and I wish them, and their family all of the best. G-d bless.

Peace

http://[DELINKER]jacobsspring.spaces.live.com/

Isn't the only thing that matter that these two people havea beautiful, healthy child that they will raise and love (hopefully) untill she joins society as an open minded individual. All the best to your little family and good luck, there are quite a few bullets to dodge these days.

for a Jewish person to chose a Jewish person is not only completely OK, it is the only thing to do. "Racism" is only wrong if you harm someone who is innocent. If you have to chose, it always involving saying no to inappropriate people. And if you are under the influence of the religious sentiment, saying no to someone inappropriate is not only completely OK, is there any other solution?

People raising the cry of "racism" are just antisemites (or self hating Jews) who feel existentially threatened by the idea of Jews reproducing within the tribe. The same type of people now crying "racism" are the ones who collaborated with Nazis 70 years ago, things don't change that much.

In fact, in the novel, Harlyn was frightened off by all these medical histories. From a medical point of view this information is largely junk. Most of the things related are not genetically associated, just there to go through the notions of filling long questionnaires.

Jews do not share a common race. Ashkenazi, Mizrahim, Sephardic and Falasha are different races; there are even Chinese and East Indian Jews. What we do share is a common religious belief that we are one race, and encourages us to inbreed to preserve it.
The race is not real, all that is real is the inbreeding and the genetic diseases like Tay Sachs, that go with it.

Jewish genes are obviously faulty, despite the increased "intellectualism" of the Jewish sperm donors. Of what use is erudition if you cannot get a woman pregnant? I once read a story about sperm donors and the popularity of a German, Aryan, blond donor. Not surprisingly, one of the customers of the Aryan was a Jewish Orthodox woman, who wanted blond kids.

What strikes me as funny/hypocritical is that often the same people who advocate non-discrimination, equality,
diversity, bla bla bla are the same ones who (when the moment of truth comes) refuse to marry outside their
"ethnic" group. It's OK for some to marry within their group, as long as nobody else does it, right? Ha Ha!

I bet this Jewess would have NEVER picked the sperm of a man with African roots to father her belowed 'chosen' child.

What's the matter? African DNA too inferior for you?

In many respects Jews are the most ethnocentric people on the face of the earth.

Do we really want to talk about whether or not somebody should take the sperm of a completely different race? What is wrong with wanting your child to look somewhat like you? Also, our author only mentions only "Christian" and "Buddhist" spermia, not Muslim ones. Can we have a mullah to complain about discrimination, please?
Now, please don't get me wrong - you have all the right in the world to believe that DNA does not matter at all, you may get the semen for or simply adopt 20 kids of 20 different ... let's call it "ethnic backgrounds," that sounds pretty pc.
But, on the other hand, we have a Jewish tradition that dates back thousands of years and includes the duty to marry one of your own if at all possible. That is not discrimination. In order not to discriminate, should I have one wife from each race, so as not to discriminate? That seems to be the idea here. Or should I say I do not care about someone's ethnic background? That would be lying to myself and others - as a few authors above me already posted: "Jews are...""the most ethnocentric people on the face of the earth."
Now, will somebody who believes that we are so, and whether nor we are in reality is irrelevant here; will that person, upon meeting a Jewish person think: "Well, that person is Jewish, but could still be the father of my children."?
Or rather something along the lines of: "Well, the Jews are ethnocentric and I'd really like children that look similar to me, anyways."?
Which reminds me, to get to Jewish humour, of an old joke:

A Black man comes to a Rabbi in New York and tells him: "I have read about Judaism a lot, I have talked to many Jews and I have thought about all this I a lot - Rebbe, I want to convert to Judaism!"
The Rabbi looks at him and says: "Don't you have enough problems already as a Black man in New York?"

I think the joke speaks for itself. Defining humor in serious terms is something I will not do in the middle of the night. All I can say is that someone who doubts the existence of Jewish humor like our anonymous above obviously has no idea what he is talking about.

Good night and Shalom from Bochum, Germany

Jews are evil they try to control the world is it not time for all jews to renounce their faith and take up father Satan. Hail Satan
Spiritual Satanist and Jew exposet Joey Hermitz

Why is it always the case that a person who has a child by a donor's sperm/eggs or by adoption is held to a higher standard than another person who has children "the old fashioned way?" The decision to have a child, whatever the means, is quite possibly the most intimate decision of any person's life, and this kind of cowardly, impulsive judgementalism is shameful.

Oh, and, of course, congratulations to the new Mamas. :)

The comments, esp. from the anonymous hordes are unbelievable.  Faith and Harlyn, I am so happy for the addition to your obviously loving mishpacha.  Your story was told honestly and I think, if my partner and I had decided on having children, we would probably have gone through the same process, although we might not have chosen a bald guy!

 Anyway, mazal tov from another Faith.

It is very ironic. Twenty years ago, who would have beleived that the most controversial aspect of an article concerning two Jewish lesbians wanting to give birth to children from a sperm bank insemination, is that they want the donor to be Jewish.

Now, to the point. In Israel, religious Jewish women seeking to get pregnancy from a sperm donor PREFER a non-Jewish sperm donor. This is to prevent accidental incest in the present ot next generation (since the donor's identity is usually not revealed to the woman or couple seeking donation). anyone interested can read about sperm donation in Israel here:
http://www.medethics.org.il/articles/JME/JMEM10/JMEM.10.2.asp

Here's a thought: take all the oodles of cash you might drop on inventing your own super-spesh designer baby with the help of the laboratory and Modern Science and adopt a kid who needs a loving home. There's your college fund right there. Hell, there's your bat mitzvah fund! Raise the kid Jewish and make a good life for you, your partner and your family. Instead of adding one more human being to our overpopulated planet, do something wonderful for a child who already exists and who greatly needs a pair of devoted, eager parents. I cannot handle the egocentrism and creepy materialism behind the need to spend tons of money in order to make sure that your child has some portion of your genetic makeup. Are you fucking kidding me? Is this a fucking post-Apocalyptic dystopia? Excuse me, I need to go kick my old Ray Bradbury anthology across the parking lot, take a few deep breaths, and calm down.

Remember, genetic diveristy is key to the survival of a species. Blood does not a Jew make, no matter how much you want to believe that.

"I cannot handle the egocentrism and creepy materialism behind the need to spend tons of money in order to make sure that your child has some portion of your genetic makeup"

Sory Sara, but study some evolutional biology. It's not materialism, it's the genes trying to pass on their genetic material. It's hard wired.

Sara, You better be on some adoption list somewhere, in line to raise at least three children. RJ is right on: Too many people want to hold LGBT parents to a higher standard in their seeking to become parents than we require of heterosexuals.

You got that in writing? Because I bet it's not "hard-wired," whatever that actually means.

Yes I have it in writing. Wasn't that in your insturction manual and warranty?

I get that we have the urge to procreate, to pass on our genetic material, to make tiny little versions of ourselves. It's a natural, inborn thing.What I disagree with is the spending of large sums of cash (or, honestly, any amount of money at all) to produce a child "of your own," whether it's via a sperm donor or any of the many varieties of artificial insemination. It reduces procreation to a methodical procedure in which goods (money) are exchanged for services (the materials needed to produce a human life.) And why on earth would one do this when so many orphaned and/or neglected children need a loving, caring home? Arrogance: Is your DNA so super-spectacular that the world will suffer for not having somebody with "your eyes" or "your hands" walking around? Materialism: Ooh, I want a brunette! I want one who'll have a better chance of getting into an Ivy League school! Let's go through the Daddy Look Book and pick someone out based on entirely superficial characteristics!

We've overcrowded here on Planet Earth as it is. And this ain't just targeted at the lesbians among us. Straights, gays, and in-betweens alike need to slow the fuck down in their hysterical drive to acquire that ultimate accessory, The Baby, and instead contemplate a.) whether they're really prepared to raise a human being and b.) whether it makes sense to add another body to the overcrowded MTA downtown local bus that is our world today. My advice is to c.) adopt a kid. If you can't handle the idea of Junior not looking like you, scope out a tiny person with features similar to yours (hair color, skin color, whatever). And then take that tiny person home and love the hell out of her. Like I said before, the 60K you didn't drop on attempting to engineer some replica of yourself will buy a kickass bat mitzvah for little Esther.

I hear you on the GLBT/straight thing, and that's not what I'm arguing AT ALL. In fact, as a sometimes-gay, I don't rule out the possibilty that my future lifemate will be named Juanita or Ashley or Hermione instead of Jason or Chad or Worthington Charles Fondlevixen III (that one is from my Hamptons Fantasy, in which I actually can afford to go there and, once there, find true love with a polo player).

I'm saying EVERYBODY should check theyselves befo' they wreck theyselves by adding another kid to this world. Adoption is so fantastic and I wish that more hetero AND gay couples would go for it! Artifically creating a human is not nearly as awesome as bringing an abandoned or neglected child into your home. And as for those heteros who insist on reproducing the old-fashioned (drug free) way--alright, I get it, but can we please limit ourselves here, people? How about two at the most (unless we accidentally pop out twins the second go-round)? A little restraint here, kids. All these humans stress our dwindling supply of resources.

And duh, I'm not on an adoption list because I ain't got no money to raise a child right, AND I'm not ready to be a great mother yet. So unlike some dumbasses, I'm not having a kid until I feel like I can really rock as a mom and, like, afford to put food in Junior's mouth. And at that point, it is Adoption-Town 5000 in full effect. In case you haven't noticed, I have quite an enthusiasm for the practice.

there is nothing wrong with seeking out sperm that came from someone of a similar ethnic backround. i dont mean to presume anything here, but as the child gets older, it may be nice for her to know that her father is linked in some way to the same community she is. a Jewish donor would provide the child, the mothers and the father with a common thread.to those of you who assumed that Harlyn would never do something like choose African DNA, incase you forgot to actually read the piece, she never mentions anything like a no African sperm policy. stop looking for something to be mad about. also, in the end she opted for a gentile donor anyway,which realllllllly takes something away from the point you tried to make.oops.
congratulations Harlyn and Faith, on your new daughter!

After Richard Little Dickie Silverstein finishes sucking off all the Hamas terrorists and their CAIR and JVP agents, he can then donate all the terror sperm he accumulates for purposes of procreation!

Sara, I freaked out at you too soon! I am sick and tired of friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and even complete strangers telling me (a lesbian) that I "should" adopt because I "can't have kids" with my partner--as though I have more of an ethical duty than a straight couple.

The problems you address in your most recent post are endemic of something even larger than designer babies and overpopulation: the tendency to look at a child as the answer to a problem, as a clone of the parent, as, in short, anything less than an unpredictable, unique human being. Even having Jewish sperm and two Jewish mommies, for example, does not ensure that your child will want to stay Jewish, will find meaning in Judaism, will do his/her Judaism the way mommies do theirs. Americans need to let their children be whole persons.

And, to answer the next question, I plan to be a parent when, like Sara, I have the means to be a good one. B'ezrat HaShem, that will be in the next few years. We're undecided on the "method". Adoption is actually pretty complicated for gays and lesbians (for example, many states and many nations will not allow gay or lesbian couples to adopt, which forces many couples to begin their families by lying--one adopts as a "single parent").

...prohibitions against adoption for lesbians and gays! Thank you for pointing out the obvious. Of course we should work on making adoptions easier for gay parents, but since that can't be fixed easily or quickly enough for all gay and lesbian couples to be able to adopt, I wonder what a solution is.

I'm backtracking a bit here, but considering the whole GLBT adoption point (oh my God, I feel like transsexual adoption is practically unheard of--I wonder if there's any legislation specifically against it?) makes me rethink my position on the artificial insemination thing.

Part of my objection has to do with the designer baby phenomenon that you wrote of eloquently, with parents thinking of a child as some sort of accessory or demonstration of their status or innate worth. Part of my objection has to do with the cold, sterile endeavor of picking out one's child's father from a catalog or a website. And another part of my objection has to do with human population overgrowth.

If, for example, my imaginary sister were a lesbian hoping to be a mother, I guess I'd hope she would select someone she knew and cared about to be the donor, rather than someone who did it for extra cash or for some creepy desire to spawn unknown children for whom he would have no real responsibility.

I imagine it can be hard to find donors among the people one knows, however.

Amazing that all these comments, and nobody even finds the whole idea of going to a sperm bank itself strange. Society makes such a big deal out of this whole thing. People, wake up!! Ask your friend for his sperm! A nice, attractive, well-adjusted guy who can either donate the natural way, or hand it over for you to use a turkey-baster. You just sign a paper that it is 100% your child, and find someone you trust and like. So much better than a complete stranger who could have a personality you couldn't stand, not have any common sense, etc, etc...