Is it that Portnoy's Complaint is so "Catskills generation?" Or that Operation Shylock is too "freaky deaky?"

 Because The Plot Against America always seemed to me to be Roth's John Grisham novel: haunting and mesmerizing for the first 380 pages, and then a total copout in the last 36. He had me sucked in, I was ready for the alternative universe Holocaust right here in the Land of the Free. And then whaddayaknow? Everything turns out A-OK.

 Weak. Ass.

No love for the streimel cookie, and the most successful campaign to keep a product from losing its hashgacha?

Here in Boston they run out so often I have to hoard them, and have them guarded by sharks with laser beams.

I can personally vouch for Bodek's forward-thinking...ness (wow, that's a terrible word). Of the truly religious Jews I know, he's both one of the most genuine, and one of the most worldly. A man who runs the New York marathon in tzitzit is truly one to be reckoned with. More of his Onion-like Jew humor can be found at his website, www.theknish.com. /end plug

 Joey, I don't know what the correct spelling of ufruf (offroof? aueieuxffrough?) is, but you should definitely check it out. You can't miss an opportunity to pelt the bima - and often, the rabbi - with rock candy. Sure, celebration of the groom, blah blah blah. You get to throw candy! In shul! At the Man!

I don't know that I can vote for Hillary now. Elvis, thanks for apprising me of this disturbing undercurrent in Senator Clinton's patform.

 Pants must be represented in a Clinton administration. If they are not, I will go door to door, informing my neighbors and colleagues of this danger. Their shocked and apprehensive expressions relate directly to the anti-pants bias, and certainly not to my unconventional pants-pants pantsuit.

For too long pants have been maligned and taken for granted. No More!

I agree with Tamar and Dov. The only reason to tell someone you're praying for them is so they can see how spiritual and connected with G-d you are; otherwise, why tell them? Why not just do it, and help them out some other way? If you actually do want to pray for them, why not pray WITH them, say some tehillim or something. Or maybe just offer your shoulder for them to cry on.

 Also, Uriah - the prayer for the sick is meant for serious illnesses, life-threatening and all that. I don't think flus and broken arms qualify.

Also; What's the application process for IOJews? Is it still ritual mutilation? And if so, instead of circumcision, can I just get my infant son a nipple ring?

And if you're going to go L. Ron Hubbard-style, you may want to rethink your gut reaction to excessive high holiday seat costs. Cutting of a potentially lucrative revenue stream is no way to stick it to Vladimir Russkie Communisski. Trust your profit motive!

Maybe in next life he listen to wife.

That was the worst segue I've ever seen.

Come on, Elyakim. There must have been dozens of other more relevant postings in which your rant might have been posted. At least reserve some of your rage for the topic at hand.

How could Yehuda have missed that other staple of Jewish life - sexy, sexy sweater vests! Where's the outrage over that criminal omission?

I'm all for lazy women. Let's see more common ground between genders!

From women:

- More public ass scratching. It itches, don't deny it.

- An appreciation for stupid comedies. Dude, Where's My Car? Genius. Super Troopers? Redefined the cop movie genre.

- Memorizing and regurgitating movie and TV quotes. Actually, maybe not. Then you might find out that none of us are actually original, or funny.

From the men:

- Wear skirts. They're breezier in the summer, and it's easier access for above-mentioned ass scratching. And if it's good enough for Scotland, it's good enough for you.

- Watch foreign films. The posibility of female (also, let's face it, male) nudity increases exponentially with the addition of subtitles.

- Exercise. You know where all the women are? The gym, you lazy ass. They also might be jogging (I think it's pronounced yogging, there might be a soft J).