I Jew: Barely-There Israeli Bridal Couture

You may have seen last week's New York Times Style Section article about revealing wedding gowns, “The Bride Wore Very Little.” Feministing summarized it thus: “Can you believe that some whorish women want to wreck the white purity of their wedding gowns with a low-cut neckline? Horrors!” and I think they were pretty right-on, although I fully understand why you’d want to keep the cleav under wraps at an event filled with relatives.

For more traditional Jews, of course, the question of “how much boob is too much boob” isn’t even an issue. However, because we are a people of paradox, the designer identified by the Times as the doyenne of do-me wedding couture is an Israeli woman named Pnina Tornai. On her website, Tornai lauds her “special corsets” (ouch) and explains that her designs come directly from a fire in her soul. It is, to say the least, a seriously hot flame – her designs range from the merely see-through (she loves a visible midriff like nobody since Britney circa 1998) to the genuinely deranged. She's a romantic lunatic and I kind of love her.

Below, a few of my favorites.

Finally: A wedding dress that gives the off-neglected side-abs the attention they deserve.

It's a good thing this dress has a slit; otherwise, you'd have no idea what her body looks like.

I love everything about this, but the fedora is what really gets me -- utterly perfect for the lady who wants to go incognito in order to solve crimes mid-wedding.

Sigh. I would look like a pregnant brick house in this gown. Anyone under five foot five who wears over an A cup would look like a pregnant brick house in this gown. I'm sure it would be lovely on Bar Refeali, though.

It's Queen Elizabeth I meets I Dream of Jeannie. And then they join forces to use magic in a naval battle with Spain. Hey Cate Blanchett, do I have a script treatment for you!