JDater of the Week

This column has been man-heavy lately, so I feel like it’s only fair to focus on the women. But I’ve run into a problem, or maybe just an eternal truth: Boys on JDate are way funnier. This probably stems from the fact that insecure men, unlike insecure women, sometimes channel their insecurities into hilarious bluster about kung fu. It might also be because we tend to act, as a society, as if single women are lonely and unlovable (a la this weirdly cruel Onion video), whereas single men are just swinging bachelors.

Still, I made a promise and I plan to keep it – plus I really DON’T think the women of JDate are in any way sadder than the men, so it seems hypocritical not to give them the standard treatment. Some notable profiles from my search:

• The (gorgeous) woman who says “I can’t stand when people are pessimistic, vain, pompous, and/or mean. So if you feel the need to talk about yourself and your achievements constantly I am probably not the one for you. I am not going to even discuss my looks because honestly beauty is in the eye of the beholder so judge for yourself.” Yeah, seriously. What kind of vain, pompous person are you, expecting her to expound at length upon her looks?
• The woman whose profile throws down the gauntlet right away: “he must be charming, loyal, attractive, intelectual, sexual, passionate, financially supportive (meaning: no cheap men) o but wait; am i describing a gay guy? or can anyone prove me wrong?”
• The gentle tripster who describes who she wants to meet thus: “I am all about quality not quanity(substance)!! Strength is truth-not suppression nor delusion.but acceptance.”
• This girl, who sounds remarkably non-insane and appears to be super-cute (she has a flower in her hair!) and who all you boys should probably contact immediately.

But my absolute favorite profile this week is less a woman than an enigma wrapped in a riddle wrapped in a bunch of old issues of Us Weekly. SJ81211E’s profile consists of nothing but the lyrics to the Ashlee Simpson song "Autobiography," and the picture looks like Ashlee taking a camera-phone self-portrait. Pete Wentz, do you know about this?