What's a Good B'Nai Mitzvah Gift? And What If the Kid Doesn't Care?

1.  From 3/4 of the guests: Cash, which my mother wisely saved for college, eliciting about the level of gratitude you'd expect from a 13-year-old. (note: I did eventually grow up and learn to appreciate that my mom did the right thing).

2.   8-10 kiddush cups.  What the hell do you do with more than one kiddush cup!

3.  A Tallis (who needs Nintendo when you have a sheet with strings attached and hole in the middle?).

4.  The book "Great Jews in Sports."

 In all fairness, there were a couple gifts I actually liked, but in general the bar mitzvah had the worst gifts of any birthday party of my childhood.

--Z

 "8-10 kiddush cups.  What the hell do you do with more than one kiddush cup!"

 When you get married, your wife uses them when she hosts another family for Shabbat dinner and needs one for each guest.  I'm very grateful for my husband's Bar Mitzvah collection!  I just got photo albums, Cross pen and pencil sets and checks for $18 when I became Bat Mitzvah. (Kiddush cups for Bat Mitzvah...not so much).

When my mother became Bat Mitzvah in her 60s, my sister and I gave her a check for $18 and told her to "save it for college."

Meredith Jacobs

I LOLed.

checks for $36 -- direct to the college fun

more ugly candlesticks than anyone could ever want

The Big Book of Jewish Humor

I give:

A nice (non cross -- sparkly teenage girlish) pen, and a diary/journal.

So funny! Thats awesome that your mom had a Bat Mitzvah later on in life, it must have been quite exciting Meredith. I went to an adult Bat Mitzvah once and it was so different because it was actually about the spiritual meaning and not the party.

I recently went to my younger cousin's Bat Mitzvah and it was so strange seeing these thirteen year olds, I hate to say it, japy girls, who could barely sit through the service, and some of her friends didn't even both to come to the service and only came to the party, which was so elaborate, and unnecessary for a thirteen year old.

It's so annoying that majority of Bnai' Mitzvah's have amounted to this in American culture, who can have the best party. The Jewish version of My Super Sweet Sixteen.

I had thought the next Bat Mitzvah in my family was going to be my daughter's.  It was amazing that it was my mother's.  She told me that when she was 25 and her father (my grandfather) died, she was troubled that she couldn't read the words of the Kaddish in Hebrew--she felt that they would somehow mean more in Hebrew.  And she promised herself that one day she would learn.

 But the demands of raising her daughters and owning a business with my dad gave her little free time.  It seemed b'sheret that after she and my dad retired, their synagogue offered an adult b'nai mitzvah class.  It was not easy.  I think it's much harder learning as an adult than as a child.  She would call me after class to tell me what she had learned.  It was strange feeling like I knew more than my mom.

I cannot describe how proud I was watching her read (truly read) her Torah portion.  She's already asked if she can read at Sofie's (my daughter, her granddaughter) Bat Mitzvah in 2009.

And, I guess in the end I still don't know more than my mom.  She had just taught me that it's never too late, you're never too old and parents can bring much nachas to their children! 

Meredith Jacobs