Rethinking...rebooting..logging on..

So I am really trying to reaccess life for what it is. But what the hell is it really? I've listened to countless hours of trying to grasp the concept of life's purpose with Tanya, Talmud, and Torah, but as eloquently as it is put in religious formatting, the fact remains that life's purpose is far beyond our intellectual grasp. Which leads me to think this day marks the beginning of some odyssey of ambiguity. So far I have started a Jewish non-for-profit volunteer organization, in the process of writing a book, and recently divorced. I guess another cool tidbit was that I will finally be able to get a set of tefillin soon, cause my mother, after her divorce, when I was young could not afford it as well. So tefillin, volunteer organizations, and Judaism. Interesting, I think being Jewish all on its own is a unique journey within itself, I am learning more about myself everyday I put my face in a siddur, or pray for that matter. I am thinking activism has also something to do with my future, but I am not quite sure yet for what causes or how I am to go about this. All I know is that for a kid who bearly had clothes, my story is one that is everchanging into a metamorphosis of brilliance and mystery.

Ok, sure I dint go to Hampshire, Colgate, Middlebury, Amherst, or Williams even though I wanted to. I believe I saved a lot of money actually by teaching myself 3/4 of what I would have learned if I would have attended these institutions. For now I am a lowly Math major at UMD, and that alone makes me content in many ways. Its def progress from a low-end community college in north Florida, living in my mother's shack of an apartment, Gd bless her Emunah!

For the past 5 years, I have been in the military, but the more I think about it, the more I rethink my basic intentions for why I even joined in the first place. First off, how many Jews do you meet in the military to begin with? Much less those that are super religious like Issac Abramssohn or some shit, I mean really! I probably only met enough Jews to count on one hand my whole 5 1/2 years in the service. But at least I got to see the world, its been good for me.

I am 24, divorced, and a highly motivated geek, with the looks of course:-). I am into greek literature, biblical history, Talmud, Torah, Tanya, Mishneh Torah, Kabbalah, Metaphysics, Gematria, Number theory, Torah codes, selection of obscure techno/dance music, trip/hop, retro 80s collection, 70s collection of odd melodramatic depressing music, beatles, elton john, emily dickinson, edgar allen poe, oliver wendall holmes, abraham j. heschel (a late relative of my great grandfather), la pop-coultre, some japanese sushi, cold war history, cryptology, anti-fascist movements, israeli activism, elliott smith, some issues of foreign affairs, strategic intelligence/mossad stories/NSA, all 60s history - finding out past trends to understand what makes our present time tick, art impressionists, underground fashions, urban wear, nike SBs, apple computers, computer/electrical engineering, autoCAD, C++, Java programming languages, compTIA network security, ISC2 integrated network security solutions, diesel jeans/shoes, obscure clubs (in tokyo, nyc, london, bangkok, phuket, singapore, sydney), disproving the rationale as jesus as a jewish messiah & supporting various religious defense causes, holocaust charities, poetry thats deep, thoughtful, and intellectually gratifying, volunteer work worldwide, meeting people worldwide, not being bound up, being carefree, speaking with all honesty, not beating around the bush, coffee houses/cafes, starbucks hater - dean& deluca lover, man-purse wearing, a modern example of the new wave of metrosexuals, having an open mind, books on intelligence, history, jewish mysticism, judaic practices/chassidic customs/history, the writings of st. augustine of hippo, josepheus, history of cyrus the second, freemasonry, conspiracy theories (especially david icke), transcendental meditation, the holy OM, breathing exercises (they naturally lead to a decrease in the amount/frequency of migraine headaches that one can experience), jewish philosophy - espinoza, maimonides, and rashi...