| Make Me a Muslim! | |
| Britain's latest "makeover show" hopes to tame the vulgar masses with Islam | |
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by Brendan O'Neill, December 19, 2007
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We have some mad makeover shows in Britain.
In You Are What You Eat, "Dr" Gillian McKeith moves in with a morbidly obese couple, pokes around in their poo (literally), and tells them that if they don't stop scoffing chips they will die. In What Not To Wear, two posh women with a penchant for botox claim to be able to improve people's self-esteem—and thus the mental health of the entire nation—by giving them fashion advice. In The Sex Inspectors, a group of "sexperts" watches a couple frolicking late at night and then gives them advice on how to improve their love life.
But these shows seem perfectly sane compared with the maddest makeover series yet: Make Me a Muslim (watch the show at bottom of this page).
This mini-series, which kicked
off on Channel 4 this week, features four "Muslim
Islamic Eye for the Queer Guy: Channel 4's crack team of Muslims tries to whip various classes of deviant into order mentors" who try to
instill Islamic values into a bunch of slovenly Brits. In the first episode, we
were introduced to a beer-swilling taxi driver (scum!), a mum and part-time
glamour model (slag!), and a gay man with a high-pitched voice who wears pink
t-shirts (deviant!), all of whom will be whipped into shape by the pious Islamic
lifestyle gurus.
Make Me a Muslim borrows heavily from other makeover shows. It has the snobbish dietary element of You Are What You Eat: on Sunday the Muslim mentors visited the contestants' homes and emptied their fridges of pork and alcohol. And the show is fixated on fashion: One of the Muslim mentors, a bearded imam, took the gay contestant to a clothes store to buy him some "manly clothes." It was like Islamic Eye for the Queer Guy.
The female Muslim mentor encouraged the mum-cum-glamour-model—who normally wears skimpy outfits—to don an ankle-covering, hair-hiding hijab. I sympathised with the glamour model when she complained: "This thing is choking me....I feel I am being oppressed by clothes."
The mentors were disgusted to find that one of the contestants—a feisty blonde— sleeps in the same bed as her partner even though they're not married! They demanded that she decamp to the spare room.
Channel 4 describes the show as a "unique social experiment" in which the mentors try to "rescue" Britons who have no moral values. This got me thinking: we hear a lot about "institutional Islamophobia" these days, where Britain's political and cultural elites allegedly whip up fear of Muslims to justify draconian measures. But what about its twin: institutional Islamophilia, the authorities' bizarre belief that Islamic values might make Britain great again?
Trendy opinion-formers and
officials promote Islam as the solution to Britain's moral decline. Earlier this
year, Time Out magazine, the bible of
"An Islamic London Would Be a Better Place": —Time Out magazine, the bible of London's latte-drinking classesLondon's latte-drinking, theatregoing
classes, argued that an "Islamic London would be a better place".
Apparently we'd all be healthier since alcohol would be banned. "Turning all the city's pubs into juice bars would have a massive positive effect on public health", said Time Out. And the capital would be greener, too, because "the Islamic concept of halifa or trusteeship obliges Muslims to look after the natural world". Save the planet and your health: go Islamic now!
Last month London's Evening Standard hosted a debate titled "Is Islam good for London?", in which some participants argued that Islam's "core values" might help to anchor out-of-control Brits. The daft notion that drunken and disrespectful Britons might benefit from a short sharp dose of Islam is becoming widespread. In 2005, six Tory Members of Parliament wrote a letter to the Spectator in which they said that Islamists who describe Britain as decadent are "right". "Whether it is lawlessness, family breakdown, the menace of drugs, binge-drinking, teenage pregnancies or merely the coarse brutishness which has infested British culture... the results of years of woolly-minded liberal thinking are plain to see", they said.
Meanwhile, everyone from London mayor Ken Livingstone to former PM Tony Blair speak of their "deep respect" for Islamic values.
We've ended up with a kind of colonialism-in-reverse. Once, arrogant British elites sought to force their Christian, imperialist values on "the natives", including Muslims, in the Third World; today a bereft and confused British elite hopes that importing some of the natives' culture over here might help to keep unruly Brits in their place.
The terrible irony is that Islamic radicals, the biggest Islamophiles of all, are driven by a stunningly similar fear and loathing of the feckless masses. The Crawley plotters, found guilty of terrorist offences earlier this year, wanted to blow up nightclubs and kill "those slags dancing around." Those who planted car bombs outside the Tiger Tiger nightclub in London on ladies' night in June, and crashed car bombs into Glasgow airport during the height of the summer holiday season, also seemed keen to target Britain's "slaggish", hedonistic culture.
These hot-headed extremists fancy themselves as rebels. In fact they're more like the armed wing of Institutional Islamophilia. Where Channel 4 wants to make us into Muslims through makeover shows, violent Islamophiles want to make us into Muslims through fear and terror. Both sides are motivated by a desire to save Britons from their own alleged beastliness.
NEXT: Watch "Make me a Muslim" below. Or read Ali Eteraz's recent Jewcy piece, "Muslim!" Now Available in Insult Form.
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Brendan O'Neill is editor of spiked in London (www.spiked-online.com). He is a regular contributor to the BBC, the Guardian, and the Christian More... |
Anonymous
Let's call the show
Dhimmi seminar 101!
After all the Brits have to learn how to do it right.
Anonymous
But what's wrong with adding some Islamic values
to the mix? Why don't you explain what the problem is; well, unless, of course, you're simply a nativist bigot or something.
kid blast
Islamist values are old Tory
Islamist values are old Tory values. W/ New Tories chasing an ephemeral Fourth Way, it's no wonder decent clean living Brits who want their lives to mean something greater than the next drink, lay or cigarette are tempted to submit to Islam. Their forebears had His or Her majesty, or the Church, or the Empire or, in a pinch, England to cling to. Now, nothing. And something, especially something essentially reactionary, is better than nothing. That trendy progressive idiots write about the wonder and glory of it all in the Guardian and Time Out is merely amusing.
Alamity
Where's Waldo, you ask? Watch the Dhimmi Seminar 107 (not 101)
Is there a subliminal message here? If there is, channel 4 should have been a little more subtle with their camera-work.
Roll the you tube tape, and as the counter reads 1:07. You'll see a guy on the left with his penis hanging out.
Anonymous
"But what's wrong with
"But what's wrong with adding some Islamic values to the mix?"
hatred of non Muslims is not a value.
Anonymous
What's wrong with Muslims
What's wrong with Muslims adopting some non Muslims values like tolerance of dissent and freedom of speech?
Anonymous
Absolutely nothing
"What's wrong with Muslims adopting some non Muslims values"
And why do you think that is not happening? You sound like a ignorant bigot, buddy. But I'm sure you know that.
Anonymous
What else do you expect in Londonistan?
Actually I wouldn't mind seeing a few Politically Correct anti-israeli Brits get their heads chopped off....or at least 20 lashes with the Sharia whip.
Ali Eteraz
this show is absolutely stupid
http://alieteraz.com/
I can't believe they made a show celebrating fundamentalism.
Ali Eteraz
btw
http://alieteraz.com/
I'm told that the timeout london thing was a joke, designed to instigate a reaction (its not funny all the same).
here is a muslim blogger lambasting the muslim makeover show.
Kurtlane
I'd like to see a "Be a non-Muslim for a month" show
Or better yet, "Be a Jew for a month." Come to think of it, I would recommend anyone to try wearing a scullcap, not to become Jewish, but merely to experience what it's like being perceived as one. I tried it in Southern California. In just 5 days of going to college with a scullcap on my head, I was spat on by one person and stalked by another. I heard that in the UK it's worse.
Rodney Anonymous
When mushlem Clowns Call Me A Zionist
Don't they realize they are paying me the highest compliment known to man
Hear ye oh mushlem, Yes I am a Zionist.
AND I'M LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anonymous
Whats wrong with instilling islamic values....
the hijab
intolerance
no showers
beheadings
no beer
no sex
no bikinis
no freedom
praying to a stupid deity 5 times a day
anonymous
Channel 4 attempt to balance 'Undercover Mosque'
with 'Islam is cuddly' show. Laugh as some people try not to consume bacon or alcohol for a bit. Oh, and some other stuff.
Anonymous
Hmm,
I like
the hijab and no showers. And I don't wear bikinis anyway.
And
beheadings are kinda cool too. Missiles and bombs get boring after a while, too impersonal.
As far as beer and sex are concerned, they're just humoring you, fella.
Anonymous
Delude Muslim Mentors
I think that the show was a veiled (no pun inteneded) criticism of isalm, and this sort of thing has been going on for a while in Channel 4's documentaries. I'm actually in favour of criticising islam and the show did a good a job at showing how daft it really is. I'm sure the 'muslim mentors' on the whole are well-meaning individuals but just too condescending for my liking and obviously deluded and misguided being muslims in the first place.
Anonymous
It's all in the editing
The producers of the documentary did a good job at showing the irrelevance of islam. You don't need islam to stay off the beer for a couple of weeks.
Anonymous
For all its irrelevance...
...you, fellas, sure spend a helluva lot of time and energy here trying to belittle it. It sure feels like you're positively obsessed with it.
USBeast
Virtue is virtue and vice is vice...
...and it doesn't matter is you sacrifice bulls to Jupiter or think all religions are hooey. The problem with Islam...well, one of the problems with Islam, is its militant insistence on its supremacy in all areas of human experience.
I can't help but agree with Ayaan Hirsi Ali's comment on Islamophobia: "There's no such thing."
David T, Harry's Place
Why is Jewcy Commissioning RCP Activists?!!
Brendan O'Neil is a leading activist in a cultish and tiny political group called the Revolutionary Communist Party.
This group reoriented in a "turn to media" strategy after it was ordered to pay damages to a news reporter who it had accused of lying and falsifying evidence of Serbian atrocities against Bosnian muslims. Now, most of its prominent members are newspaper columnists.
Talk to ex members of this outfit: it is a cult - seriously!
Commissioning an activist in a Srebrenica-denial party to write an article about Islam is like paying David Irving to write an article about Judaism.
Jewcy - have you totally lost your judgement?
Do you want to be seen in the company of this sort of person?
Yes, the programme is stupid, religion is stupid, imams are fools etc. O'Neil's take on the progamme is also stupid. RCP articles are always the same: tediously so. Their schtick is take a contrarian stance, and to advance some silly and highly contentious theory. Quelle surprise: they've done so here!
Anonymous
Why? The answer is obvious
To be trendy and chic, the young feel they must emulate the Far-Left politics with which they were first indoctrinated in during their college years. Most of the stuff on this site certainly qualifies as standard Politically Correct fare.
RL
This is the real story about Britain:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,,2232050,00.html
"Blair looks to Rome as Catholic Sunday worshippers outstrip Anglicans"
Stephen Bates and Sam Jones
Monday December 24, 2007
The Guardian
"Senior English Catholics yesterday welcomed the conversion of Tony Blair to Catholicism, as church attendance figures appeared to show that their church is now attracting more Sunday worshippers than the Church of England.
Although some conservative Catholics have claimed that Labour's record in office on issues such as abortion, same sex civil partnerships, embryo research and the Iraq war have undermined the former prime minister's claim to have accepted church doctrine, the Archbishop of Westminster, Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor, who conducted the service at which Mr Blair was accepted into the church on Friday evening, welcomed his conversion."
Article continues
Murphy-O'Connor said on BBC Radio 2: "It was a very moving occasion ... this was a gift for Tony, a personal journey and a gift for his family. I think also, it is not just in his travels as prime minister but even before that there was something he said to me, that he feels at home in the Catholic church in a way he did not in any other church or in the Anglican communion."
A Vatican spokesman said that the conversion of "such an authoritative personality" could only give rise to joy and respect. The last world leader Mr Blair met shortly before he left office in the summer was Pope Benedict XVI.
The Church of England yesterday disputed the suggestion that Sunday service attendance figures, to be published next year, show more Catholics attending mass than Anglicans attending the established church's services.
The statistics, gathered by the Christian Research organisation, showed both churches' attendances in long-term decline, but Catholicism apparently recording a blip which placed it marginally ahead of the Anglicans on 861,800 in 2006 - 32,000 down from the previous year - compared with a Church of England figure of 852,500, representing only an 18,000 decline.
Both figures are well down from a decade ago. The Catholic congregations have been bolstered by an influx of devoted young Poles and other eastern Europeans in the last two years - though they overwhelmingly attend their own services. Christian Research has shown Catholic mass attendance outstripping Church of England worshippers consistently over the last 30 years, though about six times as many people in the population as a whole claim nominal allegiance to Anglicanism than Catholicism, even if they rarely attend church.
A Church of England spokesman said: "Even if you accept the gap is narrowing, to get a full picture you have to look at a lot more than Sunday services. For Anglicans it is not just about Sunday attendance. People have family and other commitments. Midweek we have 180,000 worshippers and that reflects today's society."
At Saint Andrew Bobola, perhaps the most famous Polish Catholic church in London, well over 300 people crowded in for the 10.30 mass yesterday morning. News of Mr Blair's conversion had reached some of them through the papers and others through Polish television.
Michael Sobic, a chef who left Warsaw for the UK in 1981, welcomed the highest-profile conversion from Anglicanism to Catholicism in many decades.
"It's fantastic about Tony Blair, brilliant," he said. "Polish people always go to church," said another worshipper. "I think it's good for [Blair]." Others were less stunned. "Obviously Blair was a committed Christian and his wife is a Catholic and he educated his children at a Catholic school, so it didn't come as a huge surprise," said Ewa Butryn, who had gone to church with her husband and children.
"I don't think it will have a big effect on politics, though. Religion and politics don't mix very well these days."
Since Poland joined the EU three years ago attendance at St Andrew Bobola has shot up. "The church is very much a welcoming place, said Mr Sobic. "It's always a full house. It's a really, really strong community and very committed." The Polish influx had been "a blessing" for the Catholic church in the UK, but he was saddened that not all churches were flourishing. "I feel sorry for you guys because so many Church of England churches are empty now. It's a pity. Here it's always full."
Anonymous
Blair converts
So what? This is a non-story. His wife is Roman Catholic so this is not exactly earth-shaking news.
Geordie
The last place anyone should
The last place anyone should look for morality is in a church, mosque, or synagogue. Coexistence with monotheists is always fraught with peril. Consider the poor Romans.
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