Sex & Love

The Pleasure Principle: Freudian Sex Advice With Bambi: Visit to the Complaint Department and NYE Hookups on the Cheap

An angry letter and some NYE plans from our resident hornball. Read More

By / December 31, 2010

Q. Dear Bambi,

I find what you do offensive. Your column misuses Freud to get a few laughs and perverts  the school of thought outside of its appropriate place in the science community.

A. What are you doing rummaging around a sex column not expecting a little depravity? I’m glad you stopped by to highlight the scandal we’re engaged in however, all very good for publicity.

Sticking by my buddy Sigmund and a little ditty he wrote called the Future of an Illusion that speaks, not only for the scientific community, but also for those who value science foremost,

We believe that it is possible for scientific work to gain some knowledge about the reality of the world, by means of which we can increase our power and in accordance with which we can arrange our life. If this belief is an illusion, then we are in the same position as you. But science has given us evidence by its numerous and important successes that it is no illusion. Science has many open enemies and many more secret ones, among those who cannot forgive her for having weakened religious faith and for threatening to overthow it. She is reproached for the smallness of the amount she has taught us and for the incomparably greater field she has left in obscurity…the transformations of scientific opinion are developments, advances, not revolutions…Our organization–that is, our mental apparatus–has been developed precisely in the attempt to explore the external world, and it must therefore have reailzed in its structure some degree of expediency; in the second place, it is itself a constituent part of the world whcih we set out to investigate, and it readily admits of such an investigation; thirdly, the task of science is fully covered if we limit it to showing how the world must appear to us in consequence of the particular character of our organization; fourthly, the ultimate findings of science, precisely because of the way in which they are acquired, are determined not only by our organization but by the things whcih have affected that organization; finally, the problem of the nature of the world without regard to our percipient mental apparatus is an empty abstraction, devoid of practical interest.

No, our science is no illusion. But an illusion it would be to suppose that what science cannot give us we can get elsewhere.

That mistake is not made in this column. Rather, with faith in the mental apparatuses of readers who get off on the empirical, paired with the acknowledgment that we are all basely horny fucks, intelligent Bambifans can benefit from science and Freud in a raunchy setting (do you think his office was any different?). Straying from academia allows a culture of discourse to cultivate in just another Petri dish like it has in the analysts’ community. Perverting the bearded Austrian sugartort publicly isn’t such a bad idea if you think about it.

Furthermore, Freud wrote in Character and Culture,

Psychoanalysis has only this to its credit, that is has not affirmed these two propositions that are so wounding to narcissism on an abstract basis–the importance of sexuality in the mind and the unconsciousness of mental activity–but has demonstrated them in matters that touch every individual personally and force him to take up some attitude towards these problems.

There’s a reason for an entire Sex & Love department. As the hottest thinker in the industry who was unafraid to think for himself and question authority, Freud belongs in pop culture as the Ashton Kutcher of psychonaughts.

To quote another Freudian philosopher in one of his greatest works,

The… the other important joke, for me, is one that’s usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud’s Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious, and it goes like this—I’m paraphrasing—um, “I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.” Woody Allen, Annie Hall

Q. Dear Bambi,

I’m too broke to go out for New Years Eve. How do I score a hot date without a dime?

A. A New Year’s celebration requires going all out in one way or another, although due to the restrictions of reality, this can prove difficult. Do not derail your thirst for good times. Quoting the Good Doctor again in Character and Culture when he set out on a pipedream trip to Athens,

We discussed the plan that had been proposed, agreed that it was quite impracticable and saw nothing but difficulties in the way of carrying it out; we assumed, moreover, that we should not be allowed to land in Greece without passports. We spent the hours that elapsed before the Lloyd offices opened in wandering about the town in a discontented and irresolute frame of mind. But when the time came, we went up to the counter and booked our passages for Athens as though it were a matter of course, without bothering in the least about the supposed difficulties and indeed without having discussed with one another the reasons for our decision. Such behavior, it must be confessed, was most strange…When, finally, on the afternoon after our arrival, I stood upon the Acropolis and cast my eyes around upon the landscape, a remarkable thought suddenly entered my mind: “So all this really does exist…!”

He didn’t even have a passport! Transferring our attention from the drawbacks to the possibilities, here are several suggestions for a colorful last night in the universe, even if you lack obvious amenities.

1. Digital Romance

Contrary to the dealings in pop news items, the majority of Craigslist casual encounters don’t require you to have a buck. Put it out there on CL, JDate, Kinkyjews.com–find yourself a virtual rendezvous that can manifest in the flesh by the midnight hour. Bonus: allotting for holes in the party budget, expensive NYE attire may be optional.

2. Should auld acquaintance be forgot (“Unless of course those tests come back positive”- Jay Leno)

You are doubtfully the only one with more debt than gelt ringing in the new year. In fact, you can probably name five friends in a similar position, one you wouldn’t mind screwing like Madoff. Carpe diem! Scrape together some change for a bubbly bottle of Andre to make for some Pacha fun chez toi that you may regret.

3. When in Athens, party as the Mediterraneans do

Find a hot Serb. Not only do they know how to party on the cheap (unless they are a sponzorusa aka golddigger looking for sponsorship), but they’re looking forward to an even more agregious celebration on their January 13th New Year. Grab a homegrown bottle of slivovits and a guitar and you’ve got yourself a party. Along the same lines, try scouting out a hot Chinese date or 5771 devotee.