Sex & Love

FFJD: Kicking Bad Dating Habits

Let’s talk about bad dating habits. Read More

By / May 9, 2011
Jewcy loves trees! Please don't print!

We all have bad habits that range from superficial to somewhat important. Mine include picking my nails and making mountains out of mow-hills. Really, if shoveling mountains out of mow-hills were an Olympic sport, I would win gold every time and also have amazing biceps.

Maybe your bad habit is shopping too much (um, add that to the list) or drinking too much (please guys, be mindful of your livers. And who said I wasn’t a Jewish mother already?)

Some bad habits, however, come in human form.

I’m talking about kicking bad dating habits, specifically dating people who are not right for you. Maybe you can’t help but choose the asshole because you like the challenge. Maybe you can’t stop choosing girls who cling to you like barnacles because it makes you feel good, but then you feel suffocated.

What are you supposed to do when you continually make bad dating choices for yourself? How do you break the habit?

I, for one, used to choose guys who were, lets say, extremely self-assured. Too much so. I’m glad that’s one habit I kicked (it took one too many upset BBM conversations with my friends and clearly, with the tone of this post, like 15 Sex and the City episodes). But when you are continually getting hurt, or finding yourself being dicked over at a frat party by that guy you hooked up with twice and thought maybe about a summer wedding in the Hamptons, when in reality he’s hooking up with someone else, it might be time to reevaluate.

Who you date is no coincidence, and if you see a bad pattern, it might be time to reevaluate and chew on some dude nicorette. (Orbit, duh). This doesn’t just go for guys who are treating you poorly, but can also mean that you never choose girls who challenge you enough intellectually or are nice to your friends. It’s important to know what you like, but it’s also important to know what you need.

Sit down and ask yourself why you’re choosing similar types of people.

Do you like guys who don’t treat you that well because you don’t think you deserve it? (Or do you just really enjoy the company of douchebags?) I know I sound like Dr. Phil here (with far longer hair and a less tempestuous relationship with Oprah), but it might serve you well. It’s really hard to see the big picture sometimes, but if you consider why each past hookup, relationship, or friends with benefits failed, you will probably see some common themes.

Ask your friends.

Sometimes you’re too deep in your own shit to really step back and see what’s best for you. That’s why I’m a big proponent of asking your friends to set you up – they often know what you need better than you do sometimes. And no, do NOT let Becca set you up with her family friend who is “sooooo nice” because he’s going to be boring and too nice. I’m telling you now. Save your spicy tuna roll.

What do you think?

____
Email meredith@theffjd.com

Follow FFJD on Twitter