Sex & Love

JHate-Mail Excerpt of the Day: the Octopus Dance

The following is an excerpt from an angry email received by a fellow JDater after she blew off a suitor… “It’s not like I’m dieing [it took every ounce of restraint not to correct this spelling] for chicks, there are … Read More

By / July 8, 2010
Jewcy loves trees! Please don't print!

The following is an excerpt from an angry email received by a fellow JDater after she blew off a suitor…

“It’s not like I’m dieing [it took every ounce of restraint not to correct this spelling] for chicks, there are a couple of blond chicks lined up for the weekend, one’s a ukranian model. None are this online stuff, but whatever. whatever mistake I made with you I sure would like to not make it with them. I can only imagine what it was, if it wasn’t a octopus dance.”

If I were to set this to music…

Up on the shore they work all day/Out in the sun they slave away/While we’re poppin bottles/With Ukranian models/Under the sea.*

*I’m currently picturing Sebastian surrounded by the entire cast of the Fall 2010 Givenchy show, Ariel sitting next to him, pouring a vodka soda with lime, and stirring it with a fork. But I’m pretty sure even they have no idea what an Octopus Dance is. Unless it’s a reference to that dirty thing King Triton did with those twin dolphins one time in college. But everyone did that sort of thing in the ’60s.

**Clarification. a) The whole point of this email is that it makes absolutely no logical sense. There is no such thing as an Octopus Dance, especially because it isn’t on Urban Dictionary. This boy sent a girl he went out with on JDate this email after she blew him off. b) everything else is just a Little Mermaid reference. Except for that thing about Triton and the twin dolphins in 1962 mid acid trip. That’s real.