Sex & Love

JDater of the Week

This column has been man-heavy lately, so I feel like it’s only fair to focus on the women. But I’ve run into a problem, or maybe just an eternal truth: Boys on JDate are way funnier. This probably stems from … Read More

By / February 12, 2008

This column has been man-heavy lately, so I feel like it’s only fair to focus on the women. But I’ve run into a problem, or maybe just an eternal truth: Boys on JDate are way funnier. This probably stems from the fact that insecure men, unlike insecure women, sometimes channel their insecurities into hilarious bluster about kung fu. It might also be because we tend to act, as a society, as if single women are lonely and unlovable (a la this weirdly cruel Onion video), whereas single men are just swinging bachelors.

Still, I made a promise and I plan to keep it – plus I really DON’T think the women of JDate are in any way sadder than the men, so it seems hypocritical not to give them the standard treatment. Some notable profiles from my search:

  • The (gorgeous) woman who says “I can’t stand when people are pessimistic, vain, pompous, and/or mean. So if you feel the need to talk about yourself and your achievements constantly I am probably not the one for you. I am not going to even discuss my looks because honestly beauty is in the eye of the beholder so judge for yourself.” Yeah, seriously. What kind of vain, pompous person are you, expecting her to expound at length upon her looks?
  • The woman whose profile throws down the gauntlet right away: “he must be charming, loyal, attractive, intelectual, sexual, passionate, financially supportive (meaning: no cheap men) o but wait; am i describing a gay guy? or can anyone prove me wrong?”
  • The gentle tripster who describes who she wants to meet thus: “I am all about quality not quanity(substance)!! Strength is truth-not suppression nor delusion.but acceptance.”
  • This girl, who sounds remarkably non-insane and appears to be super-cute (she has a flower in her hair!) and who all you boys should probably contact immediately.

But my absolute favorite profile this week is less a woman than an enigma wrapped in a riddle wrapped in a bunch of old issues of Us Weekly. SJ81211E’s profile consists of nothing but the lyrics to the Ashlee Simpson song "Autobiography," and the picture looks like Ashlee taking a camera-phone self-portrait. Pete Wentz, do you know about this?

Sex & Love

JDater of the Week

Whoa … JDate! Since 1997, the Jewish singles site has given the world tons of Times wedding announcements, inspired plenty of trend pieces, and spawned a bunch of similar dating sites aimed at members of ethnic groups whose parents will … Read More

By / January 15, 2008

Whoa … JDate! Since 1997, the Jewish singles site has given the world tons of Times wedding announcements, inspired plenty of trend pieces, and spawned a bunch of similar dating sites aimed at members of ethnic groups whose parents will disown them if they find love outside the tribe. Personally, I’ve never used it, being both categorically opposed to the idea of socializing only with other Jews and fanatical about proofreading. (Speaking of which, Ml3302, if you’re reading this, you might want to reconsider using the tagline “Disover me.”) Like a lot of secular Jews, though, I’m kind of fascinated by the way JDate blends Craigslist’s obsessive focus on the bottom line with Nerve’s desperate posturing. So starting today, every Tuesday I’m going to feature a JDate profile of the week.
It was hard to pick just one when confronted with:

  • The gay man in giant sunglasses who said “I have a rabbit, she’s a Jew too”
  • A woman named Babypackwell (pictured), who I’m 99% sure co-starred with Ryan Gosling in Lars and the Real Girl
  • The guy who listed one of his interests, unironically, as “discovering new soy products”
  • The profile that ended “PLEASE DO NOT BE INTIMATED … I AM NOT HIGH MAINTANCE !!!!!!!”

But my favorite was CreativeandFun6417, a surprisingly cute 40-year-old music-business entrepreneur from Chicago who described himself as follows:

I'm a perfect cross between Jerry Seinfeld, Ansel Adams, James Bond and a little George Castanza [sic].

In other words, he’s a nebbishy superspy who takes meditative black-and-white pictures of the American West. Ladies, the line forms on the right.

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