Sex & Love

FFJD: I Am 29, Going On 47

People lie about their age all the time. Especially on dating sites. Read More

By / March 14, 2011
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People lie about their age all the time. Especially on dating sites. Especially in the 9’s categories: 29, 39, 49. Mmmhmm. So you’ve been 29 for four years? Age, in my opinion, really is just a number. Unless that number is 75. However, I will say that lying about it usually gets you nowhere.

Case in point: one of my previous dates (way back when you all read my little ditties about figuratively bitch-slapping a man who told me to become a stay-at-home-mother, on a first date) lied to me about his age. First of all, I am a writer, and it’s sort of a writer’s job, especially one who writes more about interpersonal dealings, to know what’s up. So, if you’re going to lie, don’t have your full birthday on your Facebook profile.

Age is a pretty complex issue in general – sometimes guys act like they’re five (girls too) or sometimes you find that randomly very mature-for-his-age 20-year-old. Almost as rare as finding $200 Louboutins (but those are usually fake).

Lying about most things generally tends to bite you in the behind, but there was one specific instance where I tried to lie about my age (to seem older not younger) that basically scarred me from ever trying to do that again, in either age direction.

This was freshman year of college, when as part of a body image and sexuality class I decided to interview bodybuilders. Mostly because I was morbidly curious, and mostly because one of them was exceptionally cute.

Yep. Higher education.

He was a grad student, and invited me to a grad student pregame (I didn’t know what to wear, should I dress older? Should I speak as if I had already gone abroad and gotten cultured, as I should have after telling him I was a senior?)

I thought I had died and gone to heaven. However, I sort of forgot the factor that he might actually like me. And then we might try to go to a bar. So there I am, with an ID that clearly is not me (IS THERE A STATUTE TO LIMITATIONS FOR THIS!?) and I am denied at the bar. Obviously, because I am not heavy and blonde with blue eyes. (Well, it wasn’t that bad but it was pretty close.)

So then, with defeat, he walked me home. To the freshman dorm. Fail. At least I didn’t let him up to see my array of shot glasses and pictures of friends from high school.

Don’t lie about your age. Often, girls or guys, especially on a dating site, will pretend to be younger than they are because they think younger means more desirable.

A) if someone really likes you, you’re going to have to tell them at some point, and

B) it will only bite you in the “oh thats weird your driver’s license says you’re 34” ass.

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Email meredith@theffjd.com

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