Sex & Love

I Don’t Care if it’s not Kosher for Passover, I Want to be Tied up Like a Challah

‘Tis the season to commemorate our great-great-baba to the nth power’s feat of escaping bondage back in the old-old-Old Country.  After reading en masse with the fam, get down to some real Passover partying with a kinky Jew in the boudoir … Read More

By / March 25, 2010

‘Tis the season to commemorate our great-great-baba to the nth power’s feat of escaping bondage back in the old-old-Old Country.  After reading en masse with the fam, get down to some real Passover partying with a kinky Jew in the boudoir to free your sexy with some wholesome bondage.

I don’t know about you, but when Naomi Dove, founder of KinkyJews, told me that overbearing mommas breed either submissive boys or rebellious doms who embrace their torah-ordered skankiness, I jumped on the kinky bandwagon.

According to Naomi–henceforth referred to as Kink Solomon–the second most common kink in America is Bondage (with Feet coming in Gold). Kink Solomon says don’t get intimidated and check out the BDSM Kingdom of the Internet. And the options?  You’ve got a smorgasbord of toys, scenes, and MPAA ratings to find your niche in.

Being Seder-chistic is totally appropriate for the occasion. KinkyJews has organized a Kinky Seder for all you hot-panted Yids out there.

 

Tie Up Your People

Presenting some Bambi-recommended festive poses for Passover that beat out the health benefits of downward dog. Just remember to play kashrut: respect your partner and the safeword, no air constriction, and don’t knock it ‘til you try it:

Weird Al Yank-a-Bitch

Get yourself one of these slings and take your date for a wild hayride. After everyone’s recovered from their respective plague and if the gentile neighbors are still at work, do it all over again.

Pharoah Fawcett

Classic shiksah pose for the girl who’s got the hair that flows and wants it pulled. Choose an appealing posish for all and try out some easy bondage wrap to secure your hot mess. Before the crescendo, Dom, eat some bitter herbs to remind yourself of her struggles under your hand.

Hidden Afikomen

Where’s the best hiding spot? Good thing your best friend’s weird uncle never got his way or you would have never found the booty. Now it’s time to try the same game but with someone less awkward. Handcuffs and some fun insertables like a shankbone or whatever make for a holy evening indeed.

Briss-Kit

In honor of little Liam’s birth on Chicago’s northside this week, the Briss-Kit will make you say "Mazel Tov!" all over again. Ingredients include cockring(s) and kinky tools that can brazenly scold the body so much so that the Bear Jew was squealing for mercy. Plus, you can have a bagel feast after it’s all over.

I’d also recommend pairing these with a tasteful safeword. Although I tend to favor Safeword as mine, a fun holiday option might be Bitter Tears.