Sex & Love

Foreskins: Bring ‘em!

Until recently, I'd never seen a Jewish guy's ween. Rather than get into the factors behind this lacuna in my sexual experience — am I a self-hating Jew who isn't attracted to body hair? Do I date guys named "Christian" … Read More

By / April 1, 2008

Until recently, I'd never seen a Jewish guy's ween. Rather than get into the factors behind this lacuna in my sexual experience — am I a self-hating Jew who isn't attracted to body hair? Do I date guys named "Christian" to stick it to my grandparents?– I want to just cut to the chase and start talking about why I've historically been a fan of foreskins.

But first, a quick caveat: writing this is hard for me because, unlike Rachel Kramer Bussel, I'm sort of shy about talking about sex. Like for example the word "come" — just typing it makes me cringe. It's even worse if you spell it "cum." Aiieee! I also hate all euphemisms for genitalia — even though, yes, I just said "ween" — and sex. I'm even opposed to the more 'romantic' terms. Like, when people say "lovemaking" it makes me never want to … you know … again. I guess I'm sort of a prude! But lucky for you, I'm not the kind of prude who doesn't have sex. So I'll just try to sack up (oh, haha) and get on with my defense of uncut penises.

Call me crazy, but I like having a little extra penis-skin to work with. Uncircumcised dudes are generally more sensitive, which can mean things happen more quickly than you'd like, but that sensitivity makes it easier to sort of sexually… relate to them? Like, the foreskin is sort of analogous to a clitoral hood, not to get too icky and technical. Comparing their goods to your goods makes it easier to figure out what's going on and how they're feeling, which can make you feel more sort of connected to them, which is hot.

Also, like most girls, I am bad at giving hand jobs, and it's easier to jerk off someone whose dick-skin isn't already stretched tight as a drum.

As for the contention that uncircumcised penises are somehow uglier than circumcised ones, I guess I sort of understand where Rachel is coming from. A flaccid uncut dick can seem uncomfortably reminiscent of a sea cucumber or a shar-pei. But you know what? It's a penis, not a painting in an art museum. It's not there to be stared at for hours and admired, it's there to bone you. And also, once it's erect, it's usually hard to tell a circumcised from an uncircumcised penis, unless there is serious turtleneckage going on.

The other common gripe about uncircumcision is that uncut weens tend to be dirtier. This can go either way, in my experience. Uncircumcised guys are generally taught from childhood to be more vigilant about keeping their things clean. Whether or not they maintain their commitment to hygiene as adults can, of course, vary, but in my — wow, I sound like a hooker and I assure you that I'm not! — experience, circumcised dudes are just as likely as uncircumcised ones to have ill-maintained regions.

By now, as a lady reading this, you've probably totally seen the light and are ready to embrace uncircumcised men without reservations! But what if you're a marriage-minded lady who's hell-bent on winding up hitched to a fellow Jew? Well, there are like 50 Jewcy posts devoted to your plight and its various pros, cons, and repercussions. Personally, I think you are kind of nutty because love shouldn't have anything to do with religion or ethnicity, but if you insist on J-dating exclusively, you'll be happy to know that it's still possible for you to test-drive my theories. Just date Jews who were born in countries where Judaism has historically been frowned upon, and you'll still be able to experience the wrinkly, mysterious wonders of penises that haven't been ritually mutilated.

Counterpoint: Why the foreskin is not my friend