Sex & Love

Fifty First (J) Dates: I Can’t Stand You, But You Might Be Great for Melissa

I am a firm believer in not burning bridges with people. This is a policy that is nice in theory, but difficult to uphold. Despite all of my good intentions, I still have had some knock-down, drag-out fights with both … Read More

By / September 23, 2010
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I am a firm believer in not burning bridges with people. This is a policy that is nice in theory, but difficult to uphold. Despite all of my good intentions, I still have had some knock-down, drag-out fights with both friends and ex-boys. They were less burning bridges and more stuffing hand grenades into said person’s pants.

In my experience, one of the best ways to meet people – lovahhhhs, secret crushes, awkward hookups – are through your friends. Chances are you like your friends. (I hope you do, and that you don’t have a series of frenemies that you passive aggresively borrow that new Alexander Wang top with the tag still on from and then oooooops spill some hummus on it). So you’ll probably like the people they like too.

I know, sometimes you’re like ughhhhh I have made out with every boy at this birthday pregame I’m going to drown myself in rum and diets and go take photos of myself in the mirror in the bathroom. I’d rather make pouty faces and figure out how to crop out the flash than have to talk to another boy in a button down Theory shirt who thinks he’s God’s gift to women. I get that. If you feel that way, put on your favorite Aqua skirt, apply a smile, and join JDate.

But here’s a case for not throwing explosives down that boy from Nassau County’s new Sevens because he didn’t text you back. He might have a friend who uses significantly less hair-gel and more descriptive adjectives than the other guy.

I have a good friend who went out with a boy and didn’t like him. He continued to ask her out, and he wasn’t really her type. Instead of blowing him off, she recognized what a great guy he was (for someone else), and redirected his invitation for sushi at Haru (it takes some discipline to reject a Madison Avenue roll) to a friend of hers who she thought he might like. He is now seriously dating said friend. Chemistry is like a snowflake, and is different for every person. I just reread that sentence and am slightly embarrassed for myself. But it’s true.

Do a good deed, and get your friend laid. It’s good Karma. And maybe he or she will do the same for you.

Ask your friends to set you up. Not in an oh wahhhhh woe is me I made out with Joe from Syracuse last week at Hudson Terrace but he’s too into himself can’t you find me someone for me who doesn’t use symbols in his bbm name? (Especially dollar signs? Only Ke$ha can get away with this, folks, and she’s pushing it too.)

Be open to their suggestions, you might surprise yourself. You friends have your best interests at heart, and have some outside perspective you might need. What you may think want may not be what’s best. (Like your past impressive string of douchenuggets who all happen to possess the same fantastic traits of lying, cheating, and pretending they were from New York City even though they were totally from Cherry Hill. Oh rly? I didn’t realize Tenafly was located on the island of Manhattan. You learn something new every day.)

Follow more Fifty First (J) Dates at her site and on Twitter.