Sex & Love

FFJD: You’re An 11

Ranking the boys FFJD style. Read More

By / January 10, 2011
Jewcy loves trees! Please don't print!

I was at the pool during my vacay, in between Mai Tais and also reading This Is Where I Leave You (um hai read immediately plz). There were two boys sitting next to me talking about all the “hot girls” on the ship. I’m not entirely sure to whom they were referring – possibly the younger-looking of the recent Geriatrics Convention or that woman who looks good, if she is in fact a woman.

The boys were talking about the universal “scale of 1 to 10” upon which womenfolk are scored. Granted, this is a totally subjective scale, completely arbitrary, and can be adjusted depending on awesome personality or sexual prowess. However, it’s interesting to me to listen to this behind-the-scenes guy speak because girls definitely don’t “rate” guys, at least physically. Yes we pick apart your school and your job and your friends (which might be arguably worse?) but it’s never pure physicality.

I just wonder what this “number” really means. Is she an 8 if she’s really pretty, but what if she’s really annoying? Can some (read:the three) male readers of FFJD please enlighten me?

I was subject to this scoring system inadvertently in Argentina. Two Gringo buffoons were sitting outside a popular restaurant in Las Canitas, a trendy area of BsAs.

Assuming I was Argentine (which was totes flattering, until they continued speaking) they started to talk about me. Physically. This is the combination of every girl’s morbid fantasy and worst nightmare. I think I scored a 7. Which was a lot better than my 5.0 diving score when I was 12. Something about my hands during my back flip.

I walked up to the two boys and began speaking to them in rapid-fire Spanish, to which they looked excited. I then finished the sentence in English: I’m American. I wanted to go for more flair – some salacious pun about numbers or something, but really I just wanted to give them some shock factor. They were totally speechless.

This is mostly just an example of stupidity.

Nonetheless, no girl is safe from the Raunchy Richter scale. Does this scale have a name? I wonder who will be first to brand it. I’d say Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino Female Scale is soon to come. Do all guys do this? Is this the first thing that enters your head when a woman walks by? I’m going to guess yes, which is gross but probably hard to help.

I am trying to think if there’s a comparable immediately female judging system for guys. Height? Weight? Relative receding hairline divided by number of degrees times the likelihood that he’s on JDate?

The first thing I think when a guy walks by me? Does he know how to pronounce Joie? I kid. But it does help.

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