Sex & Love

FFJD: Online Rejection

So you’re talking to a lot of people on a dating site. What do you do about the ones who won’t stop hounding you? Read More

By / February 28, 2011
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So basically you’re talking to a lot of people on a dating site, whether it’s Match or OkCupid or whatever that one is that matches you based on salad preferences (like, I love craisins but not walnuts but I’d like walnuts because you’re cute) there are going to be some you don’t like.

So what do you do about the ones that won’t stop hounding you? I’ve heard about this from both guys and girls (and experienced it myself), but there are a few people who repeatedly, unabashedly, contact me. And I don’t reply.

I had one girl write to me and tell me this boy sent her a message every single day until she went out with him, and when she did, he was great. But I don’t think that’s necessarily a good reason to go out with the guy who lives in New Mexico but insists on IMing you every hour, on the hour, just in case you might have changed your mind in the past 45 minutes and his diatribe on the merits of cheddar cheese makes you want to talk to him.

So how do you reject someone online?

Do you have to reach out and say, “buddy, I know you love your cat Sparkles and I can see her funny paw print photos mixed in with the ones of you in the swimming pool with your bros in Vegas, but I just don’t think it’s going to happen”? Or can you just let sleeping IMs lie?

If someone contacts you and you don’t reply, several times, I think that’s indication enough. I think it would be presumptuous and awkward to reply with an “I’m not interested.”

Now, some guys insist that the level of contact/bordering on haranguing someone is necessary to get a girl to go out with you. But where do you draw the line?

I have had male friends complain that they can’t get a girl on a site like JDate to actually meet up. So ladies, what does it take to get you to go out with someone? How do you want to be contacted? I know that many girls prefer personalized messages to prefab lines or IMs (just do it guys, it goes a long way, even if you don’t really care about her fluffy puppy.)

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Email me at meredith@theffjd.com.

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