Sex & Love

FFJD: Losing Yourself (Not an Eminem Reference.)

I hear many tales of girls (and guys) losing themselves in relationships. Maybe it’s just really fun to never put on a skirt ever again, sit in so-lows, and watch American Idol with your boyfriend. Read More

By / February 24, 2011
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I hear many tales of girls (and guys) losing themselves in relationships. Maybe it’s just really fun to never put on a skirt ever again, sit in so-lows, and watch American Idol with your boyfriend. I’m not going to judge. But at the end of the day, if (not to be horribly pessimistic) that relationship goes kaput, you don’t want to be left with nothing.

I’m sure you (and someone you know) has become “that girl” at some point: the chick who ditches all of her friends, sometimes inadvertently, for a guy. Relationships are great – some of us are better at them than others, but it’s important to maintain that balance. I’ve fallen victim to sort of checking out on other chicks when I’m wrapped up with boyz, and it’s not good. It’s really hard to help sometimes, but FFJD is here to provide you with some survival skillz (rather, just some self-preservation.)

1. Maintain friendships.

This is obviously a lot easier said than done, but having friends is, you know, sometimes fun and probably important. If you can take a night or two to just be chicks (“let’s dance, fuck guys!”) you hopefully won’t end up like that heinously awkward scene in The Hills (can I call it a scene since come on the show is totes scripted?) where Heidi misses “taco night” with Lauren because she’s busy with Spencer Fleshbeard Pratt? You know what I mean. Don’t ditch.

2. Keep your interests.

He might hate your propensity for spoken word poetry. But don’t forget that your interests are just as important as watching his JCC basketball games (seriously lots of cute Jewish boys get on it ladies). Either with him or without him, you go to that open mic night and listen to a sort of homely guy (jeez last time I referred to a girl as homely someone chewed me out for it) half rap half talk about his scarred childhood. Word. (PUNZ!)

[Also, I went to Penn with Josh Benett. If you haven’t heard his stuff, this is reason enough to get into spoken word poetry.]

Can we have an FFJD poetry slam?

I Japanese straightened my hair / i

it might smooth my cuticles /

but it fails to smooth my inner demons./

3. Leave one night a week for yourself.

Just leave one night when you’re away from the hookup/boy/boyfriend/manfriend and like, stare at the wall alone. It’s important to learn how to entertain yourself, and be by yourself. Take time to put on a cucumber mask and dance around to Natalie Imbruglia and pretend that you are back in sixth grade, trying to figure out how to shave your legs without self-mutilation. It’ll probably save you some figurative pain in the future.

My jeggings/

not only constrict my waist/

but my mind, like my legs, are covered in denim/

i should stick to FFJD/

The X Factor.

No, this is not a post about the amazeballs UK television program (why is so much stuff better over there?) that trumps American Idol and makes me worship at the feet of Rebecca Ferguson (seriously, YouTube her.) Although I sort of love that random extremely large accountant from like Minnesota rounds? I don’t know, I was mostly watching J.Lo’s sexyface.

This is a post about the mythical “X Factor.” It’s sort of like the mythical G Spot, except for the fact that was proven to exist. Anyway.

A lot of times girls/guys start to date someone and really like them – good teeth, not a bad kisser, has a good job, doesn’t have a collection of Star Wars Action figures that sort of looks like Steve Carell’s in 40 Year Old Virgin. So that’s good and great, but what about the xtra oomph that makes you go from liking someone to ZOMG I AM ENVISIONING OUR SUNSET FIRST DANCE IN MY CUSTOM MAISON MARTIN MARGIELA IN ANGUILLA?

And is that extra oomph necessary? I’m not sure where this idea of the “x factor” came into play – that there has to be an extra sparkle beyond having your shit together and treating you well. But the pressure to find that exists. And we feel like it’s necessary. I’ve fallen prey to the “he’s so wonderful…BUT” line/excuse.

Is this unknown “but” chemistry? A spark?

We have this idea that someone we’re dating should have an extra, often undefinable characteristic beyond the normal checklist. I, for one, have dismissed someone great because they just don’t have “it.” You probably have too – the guy who is really sweet, BUT…[insert general dismay here.]

Maybe we’re just looking to find fault, or maybe we’re just looking for something that doesn’t exist.

Maybe we wouldn’t even know what to do if we found that perfect person anyway. It was sort of like when my dog (Ruby Fineman, may you rest in peace with endless hotdogs) would chase the neighbor’s cat. She would chase and chase and chase. When she finally once got right up next to the cat, she touched her nose to him, and then didn’t know what to do, ran away, and flipped out. Sounds like a typical bitch. (Worst pun ever.)

I think that the romcoms and comroms have just made us feel that we need to be struck by lightening by a potential mate. Which is a load of crap. But it’s inevitable. You sort of feel like Ashton Kutcher in Dude Where’s My Car at the drive-thru:AND THEN? AND THEN AND THEN? AND HES CUTE AND NICE BUT AND THEN?

Maybe there is no “and then.” Maybe you just drive around, pick up your Happy Meal, and get on with it.

What do you think?

_____
Email me at meredith@theffjd.com.


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