Sex & Love

FFJD 101: Birthright Stories

Basically its a free trip to Israel for young Hebrews to learn about their homeland. But over here at FFJD, it’s known as The Trip Where You Will Upload Five Facebook Albums in Twenty Minutes or Let’s All Wear Bandanas, They’re Cool Again. Read More

By / March 10, 2011
Jewcy loves trees! Please don't print!

FFJDers – most of you have probably gone on Birthright.

But to those who haven’t (and to the non-Jews) what is Birthright? Basically its a free trip to Israel for young Hebrews to learn about their homeland.

But over here at FFJD, it’s known as The Trip Where You Will Upload Five Facebook Albums in Twenty Minutes or Let’s All Wear Bandanas, They’re Cool Again.

Birthright is a magical ten days and I had a blast. The religious aspects, are great too. This post is not meant to by any means obscure the importance and goodwill of the Birthright organization.

I just want to get down to the make-outs and outfits, okay? This is sort of a mixture of Birthright advice, nostalgia, and proper etiquette for cropping that picture of you and the camel.

1. You have to make out with a soldier or someone on your bus.

So this is sort of like, the hidden or not so hidden message of Birthright: you will get intoxicated, and hopefully make Jewish babies. Lots and lots and lots of Jewish babies.

Basically, (by my decree) have to make out with someone on your bus. If it’s a hot Israeli soldier, even better. If it’s that AEPi boy you can’t believe you’re actually going to touch, don’t worry about it, what happens on Birthright is sort of a loophole. It doesn’t matter that he’s a dweeb or annoying, you’re in Israel, so it’s okay!

I would say “what happens on Birthright stays on Birthright,” but I think I’m a) mixing that up with Vegas and b) there is no way anything you do won’t be recorded as some inside joke with everyone else on your bus. i.e.: “OMG JENNA WITH THE MIKA WITH CAMELS!!! LOL.”

2. Bring a lot of tank tops and headbands.

Your clothing will get ruined. Also, on Birthright, camp rules apply: you can look like you’re going to the gym 24/7 and it’s not only expected, but actually cooler. Gym shorts, tank tops, sports bras, it’s just a looking cute hall pass. Plus with all the sleep you’re not getting there’s no point in trying.

3. Crocs are kewl for some reason.

Crocs are only acceptable if a) you’re a baby and are putting little Mickey Mouse accessories on them, or b) if you’re on a trip that requires some “water hikes.” On my Birthright trip, I had faux Crocs. I went there. THEY ARE SRSLY SO COMFY.

4. You’re not going to sleep.

Because you’ll be too busy a) talking about Israel, b) making out with someone, and then talking about Israel, or c) trying to avoid the bobcat in your Bedoin tent. This happened to me.

This is why I usually remain within a 100 foot radius of a) a traffic light, b) CVS, and c) an Intermix.

5. There will be lots of Facebook albums. Lots and lots of Facebook albums.

My favorite is when friends come back from Birthright and I open my Facebook to an epic photodump. Yes, pose with the camel. Yes, pose at Maoz. Yes, pose at the Wall. Yes, pose with a gun. And a soldier.

Tag it!

6. You will only eat pita and hummus.

But seriously, pita and hummus for breakfast. Pita and hummus for lunch! Pita, and maybe with some hummus for dinner. Just until you can’t possibly eat any more chickpeas and your small intestine starts crying and you swear you’re never going near Sabra again.

I mean, until next week.

Do you have a funny Birthright story?

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Email meredith@theffjd.com

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