Religion & Beliefs

What Non-Jews May Think of Some Jewish Rituals

There has been a lot of talk about the Tefillin bomb scare, and quite frankly, I understand where these people are coming from. Imagine some bearded individual whips out a strange device that looks like it could either be a … Read More

By / January 26, 2010

There has been a lot of talk about the Tefillin bomb scare, and quite frankly, I understand where these people are coming from. Imagine some bearded individual whips out a strange device that looks like it could either be a weapon or something out of a BDSM party, and then starts mumbling to himself and swaying. Now imagine that he’s in the middle of the amidah and he cannot talk.

One of my roommates during Birthright thought that my tefillin were just straps to tie my arm in order to shoot up. This was a non-affiliated (albeit educated) Jewish kid from Colorado who was in school at NYU. If someone who attended NY Jew and still not be informed about tefillin – imagine what those passengers from Kentucky thought. I would have freaked out as well.

Kiddush Levana: A bunch of Jews are gathered on a street corner looking up at the moon.

What they think: Wow, I didn’t know the Jews prayed to the moon God! I always thought they were monotheistic.

Lulav: People are walking down the street with lulavim on Sukkot.

What they think: So this is when the Jews celebrate Palm Sunday… wait a second, it’s not even Sunday. Maybe they are doing it now because palm branches cost less when no one really needs them, those cheap bastards.

Shabbos: It’s a frum community and everyone is going to shul.

What they think: Look at all these people wearing black! There must be a really big funeral going on somewhere. Wait, why is everyone walking to the funeral? They must be trying to save on gas, or maybe it’s a green funeral.

Burning of the chometz: There is a garbage can in the street and the Jews are gathered around throwing their chometz into the fire.

What they think: I wonder if this has something to do with commemorating Kristallnacht. Are they burning German books or something?

Megilas Esther: Everyone is dressed up and it’s time to boo for Haman.

What they think: Why is everyone cheering every time they mention that man Haman?

Purim: Everyone is delivering gift baskets and most of the kids are dressed up.

What they think: Look, the Jews have their own Halloween, but instead of waiting for people to ask for candy they go and deliver it.

Simchas Torah: In some places, Jews take to the streets to celebrate the giving of the Torah.

What they think: It’s an Orthodox Jewish gay pride parade… but why are all the lesbians just watching?

 

Note: This post sparked an interesting discussion on my Jewish comedy blog that is 105 comments long.