Religion & Beliefs

Single People Do Not Have the Plague

On Saturday I was at shul and I invited this family over for Friday night dinner. The first thing the father said when I invited them was, “I think people should invite you over.” What the fuck am I supposed … Read More

By / October 29, 2007

On Saturday I was at shul and I invited this family over for Friday night dinner. The first thing the father said when I invited them was, “I think people should invite you over.” What the fuck am I supposed to say that? I think that way, too, but if people don’t invite me I’m not going to sit at home alone feeling sorry for myself. And then the same guy asks if I have enough room at my place for his whole family, and after I told him that I had 34 people at my house for dinner the night before, that I have a two bedroom apartment to myself, he says “You need a guy.” At first I thought he said, “You need a car,” which was really confusing, but as soon as I realized what he did actually say I was irritated. First of all, I don’t NEED a guy, and I don’t see how my inviting a family over for dinner would in any way solicit that remark, but anyway, if I had a guy it’s not like he would be living in the guest bedroom. Not to put too fine a point on it, but if I was dating someone he’d be staying in my bed. The whole thing got me thinking again about how poorly most communities (especially smaller communities) deal with single people. For some reason singles are often overlooked for Shabbat invitations (I have actually had someone tell me she didn’t want the mix of people to be unbalanced by one single person at the table) and even though being single doesn’t say anything about one’s personality or interests, there are constantly these ridiculous and embarrassingly lame events planned for single people, as if somehow by single we’re united under some kind of banner. Though I can’t say I would be opposed to being in a relationship right now, it’s hardly the top item on my To Do list, and honestly the most compelling reason to start dating someone these days is just to get the rest of the community to lay off for a while. I’m not interested in Jdating, nor do I want to go on a blind date with your nephew Jonah who’s in dental school. I’m BUSY. So today’s practical spiritual advice is to first invite the singles that you know over more, and second to stop bugging them about their love life. Do they ask about how much sex you’re having with your partner? If not, then you don’t get to ask if they’re dating someone, and if not, why not.