Religion & Beliefs

Real Talk Parsha: Lech Lecha

Look, yeah, I get it. Abraham, Isaac, Moses–all of them were much better people morally and spiritually than we are. But sometimes, they do things and its like, "Oh yeah. He’s a dude." Like this week, for instance. Sarah isn’t … Read More

By / October 29, 2009

Look, yeah, I get it. Abraham, Isaac, Moses–all of them were much better people morally and spiritually than we are. But sometimes, they do things and its like, "Oh yeah. He’s a dude." Like this week, for instance. Sarah isn’t having kids, so she offers Abraham her maidservant, Hagar. One-Sarah is an awesome wife. Two-Yeah, Abraham’s definitely a guy. I mean, who’s really gonna say "no" to bringing in another chick? Did Sarah even get to finish the sentence?

Sarah: Look Abe, I’m not getting you any kids, so maybe you should take Hag–

Abraham: Done.

Like, no joke. This is a dude who talks to Gd, like, ALL the time asking about stuff. Am I gonna have a son? What does my descendants future look like? Should I listen to Sarah and send my son away?

But this?

Sarah makes the proposition in one verse, and in literally the next verse Abraham says yes. Not a pause, doesn’t even break a sweat. But when Gd says, say, "I want you to circumcise yourself", Abraham heads over to his giant buddies Aner, Eshkol, and Mamre to get advice. Which was probably a very interesting conversation:

Aner: He wants you to do what?

Abraham: Yeah, G-d wants me to circumcise myself.

Eshkol: Seriously?

Abraham: Yup.

Mamre: Well, it’s G-d and all, so I guess you should do it…But circumcise yourself? Have you seen what happens when people cut their own hair?

So yeah, pretty selective, that sly Abraham, on what does and doesn’t need a second opinion. But well played, sir, on the handmaiden scenario. This is for you.

[slow clap]

Also, apologies to Jim Gaffigan.

[Disclaimer: Please, do not expect "Real Talk" to make actual Biblical sense. If you are looking for a legitimate commentary of meaning and substance, this ain't the place. It's less "Onkelos" and more "Onion", get me?]