Religion & Beliefs

Picking Up Chicks at Yizkor

It seems that the best time to hit on girls at shul is at Yizkor. Their parents are usually inside and you can use pickup lines like "both my parents are alive, wanna party?" or "I see you still have … Read More

By / September 25, 2009

It seems that the best time to hit on girls at shul is at Yizkor. Their parents are usually inside and you can use pickup lines like "both my parents are alive, wanna party?" or "I see you still have both your parents."

Unfortunately I never really got to pick up chicks at Yizkor because since the age of 6 I have been "stuck" inside shul during Yizkor. I always sneaked out the back entrance of the shul out of embarrassment when I was younger. It wasn’t until I got older that I realized that getting to stay in shul during Yizkor was kind of like a private club. I can remember countless times looking over the mechitza at some other girl my age and trying to get her eye, as if to say "don’t worry baby, my mom’s dead too" or "I know how you’re feeling, lets get it on til you feel better." This never happened, but only after the age of 23 or so did I realize the possibilities of picking up a chick at Yizkor were greatly increased if you had to say it.

I used to hate coming out of Yizkor. It felt like all eyes were on me, people snickering and saying "ha ha his mom’s dead." Remember that I grew up in the ’80s before political correctness became stylish – I was treated like shit as a kid for not having a mom.  My stuttering problem and weird name for a modern Orthodox kid didn’t help much either.  I kind of avoided having to admit I was in a single parent household, like how someone who is closeted and gay tries to avoid all talk of heterosexuality. As a motherless child I avoided conversations that were about things like what your mom made for lunch – it kind of sucked to tell you the truth.

Now I look forward to Yizkor. Not only is it time to focus on our mortality and remember those who have passed on, but it’s kind of cool to look around as I get older and realize that I am rarely the youngest anymore. I also love seing who has had a death in the family so that I can have some ammo if they look like someone I want to get to know – not only women, my dear friends, men as well – because I am an equal opportunity bonder.