Arts & Culture
The Weekly Man v. Food Review: Adam Discovers His Ethnic Pride in Phoenix (?)
Thankfully for Adam, he doesn’t look too ethnic, because the nice Jewish boy from Brooklyn found himself deep in the heart of Phoenix this week, starting off at Alice Cooper’s restaurant (!?), Alice Cooperstown. Adam and the Godfather of shock … Read More
Thankfully for Adam, he doesn’t look too ethnic, because the nice Jewish boy from Brooklyn found himself deep in the heart of Phoenix this week, starting off at Alice Cooper’s restaurant (!?), Alice Cooperstown. Adam and the Godfather of shock rock chowed down on dueling 3 lb., 22 inch hot dogs named after my least favorite pitcher in baseball history, "The Big Unit" Randy Johnson. The dog is covered in shredded cheese, guacamole, tomato, and bacon. To top it off, they drown the thing in cheese sauce — causing me to suppress the urge to vomit that creeps up in my throat. Next up, Adam finds what I’m going to have to guess is the best torta joint in America, and eats one packed with veggies, eggs, chorizo, hot dog, ham, beans, beef, and pork. It’s breakfast, lunch, and dinner all in one Mexican sandwich, and something seems so wrong about it, but also feels incredibly right. Finally we get to the challenge, and it’s not just any challenge, it’s a challenge with a Jewish angle: Adam has to eat twelve "Jewish sliders" in under a half hour. Is this a proclamation of his Jewish pride, the longing for foods he ate as a youngster, or a possible wink to all of us who have been longing for this guy who has eaten about ten pigs worth of bacon, to take one for the home team? Maybe, but the fact that the Jewish sliders–consisting of brisket and potato latkes, pressed between a challah roll–also include jack cheese, bums me out. I mean if you’re going to do something, do it right. Can it truly be a Jewish sandwich if it’s milchig and fleishig? I’m no rabbi –hell, I don’t even keep kosher– but can we call a spade a spade on this one? If you’re going to label something Jewish, at least attempt to keep it as authentic as possible. Oy vey iz mer – I’m becoming such an old fart, kvetching about the authenticity of a sandwich I’d probably enjoy. I should find some solace in the fact that Adam wore a "100% kosher" t-shirt while attempting this challenge. I should be happy that the owner of Chompies is a guy from Queens, and his last name is Borenstein. This is the most Jewish Man v. Food ever, and I’m kvetching about authenticity! I should just be cheering Adam on as he attempts to win the t-shirt that says he did the most Jewish thing in Arizona: win the Chompies’ challenge. Thankfully, Adam had an angel looking over his shoulder (labeled as "this guy," in the photo to the left), he couldn’t lose!
Sadly though, he did. He failed. He failed the challenge, and as I sit here typing this, I feel like that little boy who in 1920, ran up to "Shoeless" Joe Jackson, and begged his hero: ‘Say it ain’t so Joe." Adam failed the Jewish challenge.