Arts & Culture

Shtickball: The Horrible Bosses Edition

Horrible Bosses may be a pretty raunchy movie with some funny people in it, but it’s also a pretty apt description of the two head honchos of the two most embattled major sports. Read More

By / July 29, 2011
Jewcy loves trees! Please don't print!

Horrible Bosses may be a pretty raunchy movie with some funny people in it, but it’s also a pretty apt description of the two head honchos of the two most embattled major sports. The NFL, which has decided to grace us with its presence this season, has Roger Goodell manning the helm. The guy is as bland as they come, and he immediately reminds you of the asshole that sucked up to the teacher/overpaid a bully to beat the tar out of you. James Harrison may call him evil, but I just find him supremely unlikable. His dictatorial decisions don’t seem borne out of a thirst for power but rather a crippling fear not to be viewed as weak. Watch this and tell me if this guy doesn’t look like he’s about to cry?! It’s just weird and off-putting. Most of all, he seems like he would do absolutely anything to save his own skin, not the best trait in a guy that’s supposed to be fostering the growth and progress of a 9 billion dollar organization.

David Stern, on the other hand, smacks of a smiling Jewish Machiavellian grandfather. He presided over the greatest boon in NBA history (MJ/Magic Johnson/Larry Bird era, The NBA on NBC, etc) but was complicit in robbing Seattle of a basketball team they earned with 40 years of die hard fandom so his ass-clown oil buddy could have a franchise in Oklahoma. He talks a good game about how diverse the NBA is and how invested the fans are, but he seems like he could care less about the players as long as they don’t pull guns out in locker rooms or send dick pics to college girls.

Both men’s transparency is rather unsettling. Despite their mediocre ability to announce draft picks, they seem unable to hide just how deep their smug priggishness runs. For the sake of your leagues, can you guys please have a night together, laden with booze, hookers, and someone to catch it on film? Thanks.