Arts & Culture

Jews Watching Curb Your Enthusiasm: Girl Scouts, Ersatz Jews, And Buffet Fine Print

The first thing we learned on the premiere episode of season eight was before you engage in a loving relationship with another person, find out whether or not they have respect for wood! Read More

By / July 11, 2011
Jewcy loves trees! Please don't print!

Be Warned! Before you engage in a loving relationship with another person, find out whether or not they have respect for wood!

And you know what really chaps my ass?  Ersatz Jews!  How dare a man live life with all the privileges and freedom of mind that comes along with being a non-Jew, only to one day slap a mezuzah on the and siphon business from Jewish professionals.  I’m talking to you Mr. Cats, and you Mr. Cone.

That’s right, just when we thought we were out, Larry David pulls us back in with tightly squinted eyes and a “pret-tey good.” This new season of Curb picked up where we left off, with Larry on the precipice of winning back Cheryl.  Yet, in classic Curb style, the episode begins with things falling apart.

One of the greatest things about Curb Your Enthusiasm, is its ability to shine a light on social annoyances, that which chaps the ass of the everyday neurotic Jew.  We can only hope that this kind of heightened awareness will one day end the tyrannical reign of such biting little annoyances.

This Week’s Foray into Social Justice:  Buffet Fine Print

The buffet is expensive.  Thus, if I chose to buy in, I intend to feast.  When I eat at a buffet, I imagine myself sitting in a large medieval dining hall surrounded by knights and jesters, munching animal legs with Genghis Kahn like sloppiness.  If I want to offer one of my humble subjects a crab leg, I do not appreciate being swooped down upon by the staff and scolded for sharing, it absolutely pulverizes the fantasy, the buffet is ruined!   You cannot limit the buffet.  Buffet means no limits!  That’s where the word comes from, it’s French for “endless.”

Perhaps Larry should have an attorney to follow him wherever he goes, arguing with ushers to let him into the theater with water and making little girls sign a contract before he agrees to cut their doll’s hair.

Now, Curb fans tend to fall into two categories.  Some people see Larry David’s character as a: jerk, a dunce, an a-hole.  These people are secondary fans, who watch the show mainly for the moments of Seinfeld-like glory that pop up from time to time.  Afterwards they commiserate about how annoying Larry is and how much they miss Seinfeld.
Then there are those who watch the show and think, “Why is everyone always giving Larry such a hard time?”  Some of us are bald, some of us are not.  Some of us are Jewish (okay most) some are not, but we’re united in our appreciation for careful deliberation and consideration of the little miniscule things in life.

This week, a hapless pubescent Girl Scout gets her first period amidst a cookie push at the David house and Larry ends up forced to read her Tampon directions from the other side of the bathroom door in a scene akin to the finale of The Hurt Locker.  As a result of his heroics, he ends up ostracized, out two Dodger tickets and the target of a Girl Scout troop’s wrath.

Here’s hoping Larry muscled the door closed, after managing to gank a few boxes of Samoas and the day ended with he Leon riding off into the sunset on a motorcycle, with Leon driving of course, because, as was explained this week, Jews do not ride motorcycles.  A new neighborhood full of angry neighbors, unruly dogs, and god knows what else, awaits, as do we, patiently for next week.