Arts & Culture

Crazy Jewish Family of the Decade: The Feld’s

I’m sure you think you have the craziest of all Jewish families, but with all due respect to your weird uncle who wants to become a rabbi for some esoteric religion like Buddhist Zionism, and your mom who thinks you’re … Read More

By / March 10, 2010

I’m sure you think you have the craziest of all Jewish families, but with all due respect to your weird uncle who wants to become a rabbi for some esoteric religion like Buddhist Zionism, and your mom who thinks you’re gay because you still aren’t married at 31, I am going to go out on a limb and guess that your family doesn’t have anything on the Feld’s. From yesterdays New York Post, I’ve gathered these stats:

  • The sister, Karen, is a gossip columnist. 
  • In 1984, after Irvin Feld passed away, Karen found out that her name was cut out of the will, so she sued her brother Kenny for $10 million, but reportedly settled for less than $1 million.
  • Karen has Tourette’s.  Sure, while the disorder has been put to good use by a few hilarious movies, one could only imagine that it isn’t the most pleasant of diseases.  Thankfully, Karen has a dog to keep her safe from oncoming seizures: a toy poodle named Campari.
  • And then there’s the events of the 2007 shiva services for the Feld siblings aunt Shirley, where according to reports, Karen overcome with grief, started shouting the chorus to N.W.A.’s 1988 hit, "Fuck tha Police", except replaced "police" with "rabbi", and was escorted out of the services by security.
  • Now Karen and Campari are seeking revenge, as they sue Kenneth for $110 million dollars.

With all that said, Passover is coming up.  Your entire family is going to have to sit at a table, and wait forever to eat.  Your mind will inevitably wander, and the though will begin to think about how your family drives you absolutely insane.  When that thought crosses your head, I want you to think about the Feld’s, and realize that you’ve got it made compared to those nutjobs.