Joey, that's bullshit, I pay YOUR goddamn Visa bill.

Hey, bullshit! I use Microsoft Money to pay it out of the joint account every month! After you finish your residency, then you can go around complaining about how I lollygag around town making myself look pretty on your dime. 

Anyway, I didn't say that I wasn't a JAP!  

Bitch.

Humour-impaired individuals (including the prolific "Anonymous") please note: The following list is meant in jest. Please direct all flames, incendiary devices and hired goons to my attorney.

1. Lobby medical, law and accountancy schools to re-introduce quotas on the admission of Jews. Faced with a dwindling pool of Jewish six-figure earners, the materialists among us will be more inclined to date Jewish library technicians, letter carriers, and Ph.D.s in philosophy.

2. Force offenders to watch the entire run of The Nanny (AKA the "Clockwork Orange" method). A few seasons' worth of Fran Drescher braying, "Oh Mist-er Shef-field, look what I bought at Bloomingdale's, henh henh henh" will make all but the most recalcitrant switch from Bloomie's to bargain-basement outlets.

3. Ban all "Matzo Balls," Speed-Dating, singles' cruises and other guaranteed princess-magnets. Devoid of their traditional habitat, princesses would eventually adapt to the less meat-markety social environments of shul, adult ed classes, and volunteering. As a bonus, the non-princess majority of Jewish women would be spared encounters with Jewish men who are chronically unemployed, obese, and living with their parents at 40, as these guys also gravitate to meat-market events like stale coffee cake to a kiddush.

4. Make all Jewish men drive a VW New Beetle, ride a bicycle, or take public transit. A harsh measure, guys, but just think--no more getting rejected just because you don't drive a Porsche.

5. Run "Big-Nosed is Beautiful" fashion campaigns. Dove® would be an ideal sponsor. And if some princesses don't fall for it, well, if we follow Suggestion #1, there'll be a lot fewer plastic surgeons around...

and then a stint in the peace corps.

kendra and joey, i love watching you guys mock-bicker.  it's freaking adorable and strangely validating/comforting, too.  more!  more!

Ha, I love it ... how *do* we get rid of the Jewy Jews? Another round of Calvinism for everyone! Perhaps a mandatory replacement of the post-high school gap year with mandatory two-year stays in Sweden? Just think of the advantages: finally, Jewish men assembling Ikea in the blink of an eye.

Noah, is that you?

and I am actively pursuing becoming a JAP as a result of all this Jewcy rhetoric.  

Rabid consumerism is always blamed on women, but you couldn't throw a set of BMW keys in my hometown without hitting a Jewish American Prince.  How come JAP applies solely to the fair sex?

Well, any boy who exhibits JAPy behavior surely deserves the title, too...but I will say that in my hometown there is a marked disparity in how the acquisitiveness/status-drive plays out for guys and girls.

My family lives in the solidly upper middle-class, but not-all-that-special southeast corner of the flats of Beverly Hills, where we've been since just after WWII. Two generations of women in my family have been infuriated/tortured by the condescension of obscenely wealthy hill-living girls at Beverly High, who had everything, and couldn't take you seriously unless you did, too.

None of the boys have had those issues. Owning lots of expensive shit is if anything, a social liability among guys there, it compromises your masculinity. So guys are more likely to disguise their wealth than flaunt it. Lots own expensive cars, sure, but it doesn't take on the same significance as it does for girls. When Dave Choe and I and two other guys pitched in and bought ourselves a ridiculous 1967 Ford F250 Camper Special to live in, I couldn't wait to drive that fucker around school. I can't imagine a girl would have felt that way.

All anecdotal, but there you go. JAPiness not as wealth, but as how the wealth is interpreted.

Perhaps I don't find the JAP stereotype annoying because I grew up in a very different environment (Midwest).  The older Jewish women I knew were strong, vocal and warm but I wasn't fortunate enough to be surrounded by other Jewish girls my age.  Anytime I was lucky enough to come in contact with a Hebraic sis-tah, I loved the exposure to the "Jappy-ness."  It was great to have someone like me; someone with a boisterious family, that knew what Kugel was and understood how  lonely Christmas could be.

And my comment here has been removed by the Jewcy staff.

So I posted a second, which has also been erased by the Jewcy staff.

I am old guy--78, so I have been around not the block but a few countries. I know this: when Jews began coming to this counry, and they settled mostly in and around Lower East Side, the men ran all things and were doing stuff while the women remained at home, taking care of the kids.

When things got better, the men had some money and the couples, trying to assimilate, showing they had made it, began to get consumeritis. The guys, still from a tradition of honor and devotion etc gave and gave and gave and the women splurged and splurged and splurged.

Then the got the bad name JAPs. But soon, college for them. Now mostly these women (later generation) go professional and make it on their own and if they still want the good life, imagined, that consumer goodies brings, hey, that is America, advertising, materialism.

If you think of JAPs as princesses, then look at the reddneckish babes of the trailer parks and make that your ideal, or the cold-blooded WASP, or the guilt-ridden fallen away Catholic.

Is it perhaps a touch of Jewsish self-hatred to turn on The Other Gender of your own kind and belittle?

Now look at Jewish women in, say Israel, or other countries and ask if Japiness is cultural and environmental rather that, as you imply, somehow genetic/hormonal?

so there. I love Jewish broads. Always. Oaubs iubn tghe butt?>syre, Sonmetimes. So are Jewish guys. In fact, so are most people, no matter what they are.

yes, can we please get rid of the Matzo Ball? there is no real merit value to it other than an excuse to get raging drunk and dress like a slut or manwhore in the hopes of meeting a nice Jewish boy or girl so your parents will stop harassing you about your dating life. the only semi-redeeming quality it has is that it gives Jews something to do during Christmas other than going to the movies and noshing on Chinese food. oh yeah, and the Matzo Ball organizers charge a ton of money to get in to their events. there are better and far less expensive ways to meet Jews these days.

i really needed to puke and your verbal shit stank so bad that....

Meredith Jacobs 

When I was younger, my parents and I decided that I should go to sleep-away camp. The majority of young women at this camp were from Long Island, with a mixed amount from my area (Westchester, NY) and New Jersey, where approx. 95% of those attending were Jewish. I soon found myself amidst tennis-playing, Tiffany's, Hard Tail, and Kate Spade obsessed tweens, when I had never really heard of any of this---I always had to ask my older cousin, what the "cool" item to bring to camp the next year would be. This is not to say that I did not love camp, and I cried everytimg I had to leave, and for that matter still talk to some of the people I met there. 

But as I got older, I found myself the only Jew among my friends from High School, and these friends' families where not in the same income range as mine, which soon resulted in me getting called "JAPpy". I must admit, I do enjoy nice things and gifts, and am always 100% appreciative when people give me such objects as gifts, but I cannot help but wonder if I would even have this affection at all, had I not been introduced to such things as Tiffany's and Kate Spade at the wonderful age of 10 or 11 at aforementioned sleepaway camp. Also, I am not the only person I know, who attended other camps such as mine, which I (jokingly) dub "jew camp".

The best way to get rid of the JAPs is to breed with ugly people to the point that any such girls with ambitions to be a "materialistic whore" doesn't have the required qualifications for the target goal.

I was going to say nuke Tokyo but that's clearly not what this conversation is about. Sorry.

Coax them into Aliyat before they're 25 and then see them serve their stint in the IDF.

a woman actually married Joey?

The keep the American economy afloat.

Don't knock the Japs.

I will be the first to admit, I'm a JAP. Being a well educated (pharmacist, yes my mama cries over it) gay man in the Deep South who is a Jew, I own my JAP-pyness. Lots of guys want to marry a JAP boy when they are ready to settle down. We make damn good husbands. Just don't ask us to wash clothes or clean. I mean how much does a maid with questionable legal status really cost?

And yes I just happen to drive a BMW, M5 for your information. However the Jew Canoe of choice South of Nashville is the Cadillac. There are so many JAP boys in New Orleans with a black Escalade it will make you sick. But then again we all have the "Jew Fro's" and are so hairy and cuddly, who could not love us. And no more fat JAP comments. It's in our DNA we can't help it.