The Kosher Guide to Imaginary Animals

G-d created the Leviathan, an enormous fish, on the fifth day of Creation, as the king of all sea creatures. According to Jewish legend in the World to Come (Ha-Olam Habah), the leviathan will be butchered and served as a feast to all the righteous. However, the word "leviathan" has come to mean any large sea monster and means "whale" in modern Hebrew.

Kosher? If it's not kosher today, it'll be kosher in the world to come.

Long the bane of sailors, the mermaid is half-human, half-fish. Much like sirens but unlike their distant cousins the banshees, they often have the thankless job of singing to sailors to enchant them or lure them to their deaths.

Kosher? If the mermaid is Jewish, the rabbi will probably marry you.

Bigfoot, also known as Sasquatch, is supposedly an ape-like creature living in forests, mainly in the Pacific Northwest region of North America. Some splinter sects of Bigfoot enthusiasts believe that the creature is actually a huge, intelligent air plant, similar to the Spanish moss of the Southeast. This would explain its ability to hide at a moment's notice.

Kosher? I'd imagine it's kind of stringy.

Of modern provenance, the chupacabra or "goat-sucker" first appeared in Puerto Rico in the early 1990s. Descriptions vary from a reptile-like creature with leathery or scaly skin and sharp backquills to a dog or panther with a forked tongue and large fangs. All agree that the chupacabra is about the size of a bear and does not appear to participate in social events like tea parties and ice cream socials.

Kosher? I'm pretty sure they don't chew their cud and have cloven hooves.

Sea Monkeys have been sold as a novelty item since 1960 when scientist Harold von Braunhaut discovered that their eggs had a long shelf life outside of water and marketed them as "Instant Life." They are actually a unique species of brine mermaid, a hybrid result of years of crossbreeding. You can communicate with Sea Monkeys using a cocktail straw and a microscope, but they rarely have anything interesting to say.

Kosher? I don't think so. The package shows these cute little things with human faces.

Some dragons have wings and can fly. Other dragons do not have legs at all, but crawl along the ground on their bellies. In Jewish religious texts, the earliest mention of a dragon-like creature is in the Book of Job (26:13) and Isaiah (27:1), where it is called "Nacash Bare'ach" or "Pole Serpent," also translated as "the dragon of the sea." If you see a dragon, run for your life. It's either smarter or stronger than you, or both.

Kosher? No reptiles or amphibians.

According to Enoch, the phoenix has the head of a crocodile and the feet of a lion. On the right wing of the phoenix you will find the following tattoo inscribed in huge letters: "Neither the Earth produces me, nor the Heavens, but only the wings of fire." If you are close enough to read those letters, get thee to a hospital immediately.

Kosher? I doubt it. Especially since it was the only bird that Eve could not tempt to eat from the Tree of Knowledge.

The skin of the strange animal known as the tachash was used as the outer covering of the tent of the Tabernacle, and to wrap sacred objects used within the Tabernacle for transport. Despite this, no one has a good idea of the creature's appearance. No one can even confirm that the tachash is a mammal.

Kosher? All animals are bioengineered by G-d. It says so right there in the first paragraph of Genesis. But the beauty of this animal is that its essential nature is so debatable. And you know us Jews, we like to argue.

Although "E.T." could represent any alien being that visits Earth, the term has come to mean the title character in the famous movie by Steven Spielberg (a nice Jewish boy). Despite coming from a civilization of advanced technological powers, E.T. prefers to burble like a child and make decisions based only on the lesser brain lodged in its left foot. It also likes to hide in closets and pretend to be a stuffed animal.

Kosher? Why are we even discussing this one?!