The early-spring Jewish festival of Purim—rooted in, or given roots by, the Scroll of Esther—is an expression of the same topsy-turvy view of the world that we see in Mardi Gras and other early-spring festivals of folly. The story is a satire on the stupidity and the violence of rulers.

Even though we are still in wintertime, Purim is the only way to understand what has just happened in the topsy-turvy somersault in US National Intelligence Estimates concerning Iran.

The tale of Esther is about a foolish king of Persia—Iran! But that was when he was the Emperor of the World. Now the same folly is found in another king who wants to make Persia another province in his empire. Who still wants to, even after revelations of the naked truth by the network of officials called VASHTI—Vigilant Affirmers of Security, Honor, Truth & Intelligence.

The time has come to put an end to this farce—this bloody farce. In the light of the Intelligence Estimates revelation, we have revised our multireligious call to the US and Iran to make peace.

But now, let us remember the Purim story, as it comes dancing into our real lives on Hanukkah.

Once upon a time, a pompous, stupid, oily king was clever enough and oily enough to bamboozle his subjects to keep him in power, even when he made disastrous mistakes. He had a prime minister—they called him the President of Vice because he was so vicious—who was extremely clever, addicted to power, and hot to invent new enemies each four years.

That way, he figured, he and his boss (or puppet) the king could keep the populace riled up, not noticing they were being robbed of everything they cared about:

Their privacy; the value of their money; their schools; their medical care; the sweet air of their forests and their mountains; their freedoms; the former joy of their prayers, now corrupted by hatred of the prayers of others; their dignity, respect, and honor in the eyes of other peoples, who now viewed them with contempt as the home of lies and torture; even, for thousands of them, their lives, limbs, minds, and souls.

So the President of Vice decided to make the majority culture of the land subservient to him (and the king his master, or maybe servant) by attacking one of the peoples just barely outside the great Empire. This people prayed a different way, and they owned precious resources that could be confiscated by the Oily Empire that the king already owned so much of. And they had one leader who was as nasty-hearted as the President of Vice. So under the table, the two nasties could cooperate by making enemies of each other.

So the pompous clever/stupid king and the clever/vicious President of Vice lied. They said the foreign nation was hiding terrible weapons. When people stopped believing that lie, they lied again—and said another set of foreigners were making terrible weapons. There too there was a nasty-hearted leader, and once again the nasties collaborated by making enemies of each other.

Said the President of Vice:

Any Lie
To hang these people by,
On a gallows high
That they the quicker die!
And if you ask me why,
To make my
Power high
Higher
Higher
Higher

But deep inside the palace there was a truth-telling network who thought the king and the President of Vice were addicts of the drug called Power and were, in their drug-infested mania, endangering their country. This network called themselves VASHTI—Vigilant Affirmers of Security, Honor, Truth & Intelligence. In the original story, the king tried to force his queen Vashti to dance naked before a great banquet. She refused.

But in our modern story, it was VASHTI who wanted to reveal the naked truth to a puzzled people, and the king who tried to stop them. So VASHTI released to an intrepid reporter (probably named Esther, or maybe Mordechai) the true intelligence about the vicious lies about the foreign peoples.

And even then, the King and his President of Vice insisted they must attack the dangerous foreigners.

**** 

The time has come to end this bloody farce. The peoples of Iran and the United States must insist their governments meet directly to take up all the issues between them, and come to a mutually respectful peace. And the people and government of Israel must learn from the ancient Jewish satire on power turned addictive – and move beyond the knee-jerk resort to threats of war that has characterized the Israeli government's policy toward Iran. Together, we must all seek instead to examine what would be decent terms of peace. See The Shalom Center website for more.

Relax: She's a mannequin.My younger brother informed me I no longer "dress cool". I protested, of course, as his primary reasoning to say such a thing is that I'm surely too old to have any cool shirts anymore. (Well, maybe if you'd visit once in a while, you'd know bettah, child, hello? Heh.) Anyway. So, primarily to prove my brother wrong, but also to hook you up with a few good deals in the process, I bring you t-shirts.

We all know about Rabbi's Daughters, yes? Tush pants, bubbeleh t-shirts? Yeah, them. Well, feeling the festival of lights nearly upon us, they're giving away "Oy Vey" belt buckles on orders over $50. That's fun. And cool. (Speaking of t-shirts. I saw a woman not terribly long ago wearing this extra-funny shirt and I chased the poor woman only to find out she couldn't recall where she'd gotten it. Never fear, though, I found her Feygeleh Hag t-shirt from Shalom Shirts.) Anyway, if you're into the Rock Star shirt (uh, or the porn star one... or the "Jews do it for 8 nights" one) over at That's Jewtastic, knock yourself out and score a few for friends because you get free shipping on orders over $36, or "double chai when you buy" as they so cleverly say. (And if you send them photos of yourself in their tzotch, they'll hook you up with a little store credit, too.) Not quite as great of a shipping deal, but a deal in any case, hit JewTees and dig their Manischewitz Gets Me Crunked shirt (Imagine that. Spellcheck doesn't recognize Manischewitz or Crunked. Who would have guessed?), or (the one I'm partial to) the Mensch shirt. Wait, that's kind of wholesome. Is that one not cool? Naw, it's always cool to be menschy. Anyway. Pick up five and they'll schlep it to you for free. This shirt, while no deal is attached, per se, is pretty great. If only it came bedazzled, then it'd be cool. (Kidding, I'm a kidder. Oy.) Oh, and the coolest Jewciest shirts (and other bits of fabulousness) around are, of course, right up in here on Jewcy.

Ahhh: The warming glow of ChanukahAfter the questions I posed, and the thoughts I was kicking around the other day about the pre-Christmas frenzy, it was with great delight I read this article over on Aish today that, though not exactly related to what I was talking about, it is a lovely article about the stillness and introspection that comes of Chanukah. I was loving it after reading this in the second paragraph: "In a world that thrives on flashy externals, Chanukah focuses our attention inwards, urging us to purify ourselves so that the flame we shine into the world will be strong and bright." But, once they olives to illumination and conclusion about cans of tuna can into play, I was loving it even more. Anyway, go read. It's lovely, and that very kind of Jewcy-goodness that I dig to death.

Ritual Well is another source I check often to see different approaches and ways to examine traditions, which I've mentioned here a few times. Anyhoot, for Chanukah, they're running a piece from Kolot Center for Jewish Women's and Gender Studies that is a slightly-tinkered version of Chanukah brachot with male and female pronouns, in Hebrew, transliterated Hebrew and English. Also, a nice piece (which does relate to my Christmas post from the other day a bit) suggesting ways to keep/make Chanukah less material that I like and actually follow a version of myself. Lastly there's an interesting and very different take on candle lighting each night of Chanukah by attaching physical and emotional language and imagery to each observance.

Seasonal hazard: Beware Barbie assaultsI can't believe I'm about to say this, but I, Amy Guth, a Jewish woman, kind of support the keep-the-Christ-in-Christmas bullshit. I think. Wait, no. I don't. No, I do. Sort of.

Oy.

Anyway, some other Jews and a few Muslims are with me on this. For them, it's about keeping religion in the public sphere—rather than banning Santa, they want to see their local mall decorate for Christmas and Eid and Rosh HaShanah. For me, it's more because year after year, I see parking lots fill up, I see people quite literally freaking out as they shop, I see people feeling crabby and shitty and taking off of work to finish their shopping. I see stores open as early as 4 AN=M (!) so frantic shoppers can get their massive shopping finished. I read statistics about a family of four spending an average of $1,800/year (and climbing) on the holiday each year.

And it's kind of gross to me. I'm not a Christian, so although it's not my problem, I do feel obligated as a human being to at least consider the things I see pushing people to their emotional limits year after year. Especially when two fighting shoppers nearly hit me in the face with the last Barbie doll in Target.

So, despite my tendency to react to fundamentalist evangelist types with "Oy, what a short-sighted, narrow-minded thing to say!" I think the KTCIC campaign might be not the worst idea.

First, it could cut down on materialism, crabbiness and hyper-consumerism by refocusing the celebration on its origin. Gifts are great, but do they have to be so excessive and huge? Maybe focus on family time, the pretty winter scenery, the sparkly decorations, the meals, the parties, etc.

Watch out: Christmas shoppers are out in droves, and generally pissed off. Secondly—and this one would be bound to cause a huge stir if I walked around saying it to Christmas-celebrators—secondly, if it was focused on the person Christmas is actually about, the people celebrating Christmas would actually be Christians. The secularists would maybe make their own thing: Winter Solstice or something along these lines. If you like celebrating Christmas because you enjoy the sparkly lights and winter stuff, you should celebrate the crap out of lights and winter.

But then, I have a Christmas-observing friend who considers Jesus a mere metaphor, a representation of the lives of different Pharisees, and so celebrates this metaphor as a reminder of living peacefully, but doesn't feel like there's any dude behind any of it, or that there is any reason to call anyone a savior. Just like I know Jews who don't feel terribly connected to the Torah, but observe Pesach as a metaphor for freedom from metaphorical slavery to various things and people. It's somewhat largely about semantics, sure, and semantics that don't apply to me at all (in the case of Christmas), but again, when you nearly get clobbered by a Barbie-as-weapon, you can't help but feel inclined to at least riff on it.

I've been asking fellow Jews what they think about all of this, and I'm really surprised that it's elicitedsuch strong opinions—not even healthy banter, but full-on "I'm so glad you asked because..." monologues.

So here's the can of worms: Do I, do you, think it is OK to secularly celebrate any holiday with religious origin? Sort of. Maybe. Not really. Sort of. (I don't mean for secular Jews to celebrate a secular Christmas, that's a whole other issue. I mean secular Jews celebrating religious Jewish holidays secularly, secular Christians celebrating Christian holidays secularly, etc.) Maybe what I'm really driving at is that we could all use a little dose of the "if you're going to do it, mean it" as applied to a lot of things...?

But then the thought of a public school or the White House filled with religious Christmas decor like a manger or whatnot makes me itchy. I'd be uncomfortable if my kids were going to school with a manger up in their grills. And then we sort of branch off into the Merry Christmas v. Happy Holidays issue in retail (I have an upcoming post on that later—hold tight.) This whole thing a complex issue, one that certainly isn't black and white, but one that even as a Chanukah-celebrator, I can't help but consider and discuss with other non-Christmas celebrators, since we're all at risk of getting hit in the face by a Barbie doll. Discuss.

(Please note: This post was written pre-Shabbes. An unfortunate area blackout of internet access prevented it from being posted.)

On Friday we spotlighted Ariela M’s apt deconstruction of Christopher Hitchens’s Slate piece Bah, Hanukkah, but I wanted to briefly discuss what about that piece I think is worthy of attention.

Christopher Hitchens Says: God is not great, but whiskey and cigarettes areMostly, I think Hitchens is full of crap, but when he points out that the Hasmoneans were imperialistic, and brutal, it’s not something to be ignored. We tend to tell the stories surrounding our holidays as if they had clear beginnings and endings the way fairy tales do, but that’s just not the case. The miracle of the oil is not the end of the story of the Hasmoneans. The warriors still had a great deal of work to do to protect the Jewish people from Greek influence, and if that meant killing Jews who had assimilated—so be it.

I do understand that was pretty much the war aesthetic of the day. People killed other people for disagreeing with them all the time. That doesn’t make it okay, though, and I am frustrated by how much we glorify the Maccabbees and generally side with the Hasmoneans when the Hasmoneans really were tyrants.

Chanukkah is a holiday that simply does not acknowledge any kind of middle ground between religion and secular life, and that the problem with it, and with the time period it glorifies. Hitchens may be a gasbag, but when he condemns the Maccabbees for slaughtering the Greeks and the ideas about reason that they brought with them he’s not just whistling Dixie.

Hanukkah candles: this is the whole pointOkay, there’s some Hanukkah bashing going on this year, here on Jewcy and over at Slate, and I want to say that first of all, all the points that have been made are totally valid and everything. But despite all that, I think Hanukkah has some redeeming value, and I think it would be a shame to write it off as unimportant or too gory to celebrate.

Most of the controversy surrounding Hanukkah has to do with the war against Atiochus, and how bloody and shortsighted it was. That’s all true. But the holiday of Hanukkah is about the miracle of the oil lasting for eight days. The miracle, not the battle, is the part we celebrate and I think that’s something to pay attention to. The rabbis aren’t asking us to glorify senseless violence here, they’re asking us to glorify a miracle. So maybe you don’t believe that the miracle ever happened, or maybe you don’t care, but the miracle itself is not that offensive. And honestly, shouldn’t the concept of a limited amount of oil speak to the contemporary green movement? I mean, this is hardly a stretch.

The message of the war against Antiochus is, at its heart, a message of self-esteem for Jews. It may have actually been a horrible and bloody war, but the idea that a small group was able to take down a much larger force is something that has always resonated with Jews. It should be pointed out that all wars are horrible and bloody, and this one probably no more or less than any other war of its time. The goal of the war--Jews standing up for a life of mitzvoth--is a concept that makes absolute sense to me. Do I love the Maccabees’ methods? Of course not, but I think it’s a mistake to impose our pluralistic ideals of today on the Maccabees. There were no models of pluralistic societies at the time (that I know of). And beyond that, they were following the narrative that has been constant throughout the Jewish Experience. Our job has been to ensure that Jews could practice mitzvoth no matter what. That’s what led us to leave Egypt, to settle in Israel, to fight Haman on Purim. Because the thing is, if Jewish mothers will die if they circumcise their sons then Judaism itself is at stake. The commandments are what we’re supposed to be about, and if we can’t do them, then who are we?
Antiochus: total meanie
Finally, though it pains me to say this, I think part of what’s good about Hanukkah these days is that it has lost most of its historical context. Almost no one reads the book of Maccabees anymore, and it’s certainly not presented to little kids at Hebrew school. Instead, kids learn about miracles, about light, about spinning a dreidl, and eating latkes with their families. They learn about sharing a “holiday season” with other kids celebrating other kinds of festivals, and they learn about giving. One of my favorite things about Hanukkah is that even though there are eight potential days on which to get gifts, I don’t know anyone who gets eight extravagant gifts. Instead, most kids get presents on one or two nights, and spend other nights giving gifts to others, or just hanging out with their family. Because Hanukkah is so overwhelming it ends up being less over the top than many Christmas celebrations.

It’s true that the Maccabees were scary guys, and Hanukkah is never going to be my favorite holiday, but it’s not all bad. Celebrating miracles, ensuring that Jews will exist in the world, and lessening consumerism. Let that be your Hanukkah mantra.

Wicked stylish: But, unfortunately, not terribly fire-resistant, I'm afraid.A friend of mine has the Crate & Barrel chanukiah that, while terribly chic, was unfortunately recalled a few years ago after a few of them burst into flames. Oops. She's "tinkered" with it, she insists, so it won't ignite when the candles burn out. I didn't push beyond that.

Anyway, if you missed the recall info, Crate & Barrel made a chanukiah in 2003 that had an acrylic base and later issued a statement saying "The acrylic base of the Hanukkah menorah can ignite if the candles are allowed to burn completely." Which, you know, we're supposed to do. So, there's that.

Crate & Barrel isn't the only one making spontaneously combusting chanukiot, either. If any of your little darlings have the M&M's chanukiot, bad news there, too. It's plastic, too, and equally, you know, eager to catch on fire. Ditto these cats and dogs-themed chanukiot, too. Sigh.

Lastly, I can't say I actually know anyone with this rig, exactly, but in the event any of you have this chanukiot manufactured by Aviv Judaica that involves something called "Chanukah Oil Candles With Jelled Extra Virgin Olive Oil" (Bleck!), do avoid a huge fire-y mess and get your return underway. Or think of something really outrageous to do to repurpose your gelatinous olive oil...? Whatevs.

Chag Sameach and a safe, recall-free holiday to all. Oy.

Of the many strange things George W. Bush has said while president, here is one of the strangest: “I couldn’t imagine someone like Osama Bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah.”

Shrub must have figured this sound bite was a slam-dunk. He was wrong. Osama Bin Laden may be the person on the planet most attuned to the joys of Hanukkah. As it turns out, the traditional Hanukkah spiel about the oil-that-was-only-supposed-to-last-for-one-day-but-lo-and-behold-it-lasted-for-eight-wowza is mostly Talmudic PR. Contrary to popular myth, the holiday arose from the exact struggle Bin Laden is waging today: an armed rebellion against an imperial power, driven by religious fanaticism and suicidal self-assertion.

The genesis of Hanukkah resides in the Books of Maccabee. You can be forgiven if you have not read these books--they never made it in to the Biblical canon.* I only read them, in fact, because my wife is converting to Judaism and I wanted to be able to provide her a full accounting of the festival. Weirdly, I happened to have the New American Bible at home, a Catholic version of scripture that includes both books.

History repeats itself: Insurgents in action 1 Maccabees opens with the death of Alexander the Great in 323 BC. The Hannukah story begins around 175 BC, when Antiochus, leader of the occupying Seleucid dynasty,issues a decree forcing the Jews to profane their Covenant: “Women who had had their children circumcised were put to death, in keeping with the decree, with the babies hung from their necks.” The high priest Mattathias kills a Seleucid official, then retreats to the desert to launch a revolt, which under the direction of his sons Judah, Jonathan, and Simon becomes a guerilla war. There’s another word for all this, of course: insurgency.

Judah Maccabee leads the Jews to numerous improbable victories on his way to reclaiming the Temple in Jerusalem, “destroying the impious” (here defined as any Jews less pious than themselves) along the way. Up north, Judah squares off against Antiochus IV’s son, the unfortunately named Eupator, whose army includes armored elephants, the Old Testament equivalent of tanks.

The account of a Maccabee soldier named Eleazer made me queasy:

Eleazar, called Avaran, saw one of the beasts bigger than any of the others and covered with royal armor, and he thought the king must be on it. So he gave up his life to save his people and win an everlasting name for himself. He dashed up to it in the middle of the phalanx, killing men right and left, so that they fell back from him on both sides. He ran right under the elephant and stabbed it in the belly, killing it. The beast fell to the ground on top of him and he died there. (6:43)

Eleazer sounds to me like a Biblical version of the suicide bombers who launch themselves at military convoys in Iraq. He isn’t trying to kill and maim innocent bystanders, so it’s not an exact comparison, but his mindset is essentially the same: He relishes the chance to give his life in exchange for the glory of the cause, and his own name.

I got the same queasy feeling when I read about Judah decapitating the vanquished general Nicanor and putting his head on display in Jerusalem. This might have been how you asserted your might 2000 years ago. But isn’t the gesture really just an old school version of the decapitation videos Al Qaeda uses today to horrify its Western foes?

Judah himself eventually dies, but his brothers Jonathan and Simon carry on the insurgency. Their methods could hardly seem more familiar:

They watched and suddenly saw a noisy crowd with baggage; the bridegroom and his friends and kinsmen had come out to meet the bride’s party with tambourines and musicians and much equipment. The Jews rose up against them from their ambush and killed them. Many fell wounded and after the survivors fled toward the mountain, all their spoils were taken. Thus the wedding was turned into mourning, and the sound of music into lamentation.

Again, from where I’m sitting this sounds a lot like, well, terrorism. It calls to mind the horrifying images of the 2005 attack at a Jordanian hotel, when members of al Qaida turned a wedding party into a bloodbath.

Miniature imperialists: This is roughly what a battalion of Seleucid troop looked likeIt gets worse.

Jonathan then cuts a deal to send 3000 of his soldiers -- let’s not call them foreign-born terrorists – to help the despot Demetrius put down a rebellion by his troops in Antioch. The Jewish mercenaries kill 100,000 people.

Obviously the Maccabees were in a tight spot, surrounded by hostile enemies and forced to defend themselves in mortal combat. What’s striking is the righteous lust with which they carry out this defense. Because they believe in the one true God, they have no problem with killing innocent civilians, killing other Jews, and killing themselves.

Radical Islam, meet radical Judaism.

I hoped the second book would be a softer ride, one that might tease out the less martial aspects of Hanukkah. Wrong.

2 Maccabees recounts the victories of Judah, only this time the Almighty plays a much more significant role in the combat. Indeed, if the message of the first book was that Jews kick serious ass when inspired by God, the message of the second is that the Jews kick ass because God actively intervenes on their behalf

In one particularly hallucinogenic episode, God helps his people by conjuring a “manifestation” straight from the pages of the Book of Revelation: he takes the form of a “richly caparisoned horse, mounted by a dreadful rider” who attacks one of Judah’s antagonists. Elsewhere, Judah reminds his troops that the Almighty will vouchsafe their victory. The rebels cut down “at least 35,000” of the enemy and “rejoice greatly over this manifestation of God’s power.”

The second book also places a disturbing emphasis on martyrdom. The most famous example is the story of a Jewish mother and her seven sons who refuse Antiochus’s order that they eat pork. The story illustrates the cruelty of the Seleucid soldiers, but its real emphasis is on dying for a cause:

At that, the king gave orders to have pans and cauldrons heated … He commanded his executioners to cut out the tongue of the one who had spoken for the others, to scalp him and cut off his hands and feet, while the rest of his brothers and his mother looked on. When he was completely maimed but still breathing, the king ordered them to carry him to the fire and fry him. As a cloud of smoke spread form the pan, the brothers and their mother encouraged one another to die bravely…

Which they do.

I am going to resist using this story to suggest that torture doesn’t really work, because I think it speaks to a broader pathology—the mindset that exalts a noble death above all other human courses.

The other oil miracle of the Hanukkah story: Drilling for petroleum One other passage in 2 Maccabees is nothing short of eerie. It’s the retelling of a story about Nehemiah, the leader who had helped rebuild the Temple wall after the Babylonian Exile. During the exile, the priests took some of the sacred fire of the Temple altar and hid it in the hollow below a dry cistern. Hoping to rekindle the altar flame, Nehemiah sends the priests to retrieve the hidden fire, but they come back with a thick liquid instead. “And when the materials for the sacrifices were presented, Nehemiah ordered the priests to sprinkle the liquid on the wood and what was laid upon it.” (7:21) A great fire blazes up and everyone marvels. The King of Persia declares a miracle. The material, whatever it is, comes to be called naphtha – which, translated from Greek, means “petroleum.”

I wish I were making this stuff up. But it’s really and truly in the book. Twenty two hundred years ago, with insurgents and imperialists doing battle in the Middle East, people were agog over the miracle of petroleum.

In recent years, Jews have made an understandable decision to steer people away from the violence in Hanukkah’s exegetical basement. As an assimilated and not-very-observant Jew, I grew up hearing almost exclusively about the miracle of the oil.

The only thing I knew about the Maccabees was that they were heroic defenders of the faith who had something to do with the Jewish Olympics. The modern holiday has been recast as a cheery Festival of Lights, a counterpart to the bright tinsel of Christmas. It’s the same impulse that leads Christians to repackage Easter as a vista of bunnies and candy eggs, rather than the commemoration of a brutal public murder.

But this kind of soft-pedaling distorts our history and distracts us from the true meaning of our holidays. Hanukkah really is about a violent insurgency. It’s about the lengths to which the oppressed will go to defend their beliefs. But it’s also about a strain of unchecked aggression that infects those who are convinced that God is on their side. It’s precisely the sort of holiday story, in other words, that might force us to confront the moral crises of our present historical circumstance – before we go the way of the Maccabees, or their imperial enemies.

* * *

RELATED LINKS:

In Slate, Christopher Hitchens agrees that Hanukkah is predicated on some less-than-enlightened principles. Being Christopher Hitchens, he also calls Judaism "an ancient and cruel faith" and suggests that Hanukkah violates the first amendment; hilariously, Slate illustrated this rant with a picture of an adorable Jewish child lighting the menorah.

In the Los Angeles Jewish Journal, Danya Ruttenberg takes a more positive approach, looking for the good in a holiday that celebrates Jew-on-Jew civil war.

Correction, December 14: The original piece mistakenly stated that the Books of Maccabee were removed from the Biblical canon in the third century. (Return to the corrected sentence.)

Dreidels: Not just tiny toys to spin at the table anymore.I don't have any Jewish neighbors. I did for a while, but they moved, and I'm solo representin' on this block anymore. But, if I had Jewish neighbors, I can only wish for neighbors doing weird dreidel-themed shit like this like this:

Behold, video of the giant dreidel! If anyone wants to try to pull this one off with me next year, I'm so down to try. Really. Okay, then, check out the pyrotechnics dreidel clip (once it blows up, the rest of the video is pretty much the dreidel exploder and his crew laughing, but as he says, "it blowed up good", and I have to agree). These creative guys made a dreidel by hanging a tree upside down, tarting it up and spinning it. Different, but sure. Then, there's the, uh, driveway dreidel, which would be funny for a few minutes, but then it would turn into a thing and "my fabulous Jewish neighbor" would then be "that weird guy that stands in his driveway for hours dressed like a dreidel."

This Chanukah: Hook a soldier up.Connections Israel started nearly a decade ago to aid Jewish communities and schools worldwide in their support for Israel. Mostly, they focus on implementing educational programs to help support IDF soldiers with gift baskets and a sort of pen pal link-up. Mostly. But not entirely, by any means.

This Chanukah, for as little as $10, or as much as $120, you can help. Ten bucks gives a IDF soldier a gift basket, $36 donates a gift basket to either a Sderot family or a family victimized by terror and $120 sponsors an educational program for thirty students. Or, you can donate any amount and earmark if for any of Connections Israel's specific causes.

While you're hooking up our friends in the IDF, hit Pizza IDF, a website that allows you to donate anything from sufganyiot, pizza or burgers and sodas or hearty soups to soldiers from as little as three bucks! Or, check Dash Cham, an Israeli candymaker who will deliver treats to soldiers for ten bucks. Easy ways to bring a little light.

This weekend I was in Atlanta for a family simcha and heard Rabbi Ilan Feldman at Beth Jacob give a dvar Torah about, of all things, an Israeli commercial that he’d seen on YouTube. The commercial, which you can watch below, shows a bunch of Chassidic guys bemoaning the new HDTV available on Yes (one of the cable providers in Israel, I think). They sing and dance about how bad it is, all to the tune of YMCA by the Village People. It’s pretty tongue in cheek, if you ask me, but Rabbi Feldman was incredibly offended by it. How dare anyone make fun of Orthodox Jews who have the balls to actually refrain from something, to actually say something is bad for them and then not do it! We need to be more vocal about the ways that being Jewish enhances our lives. And we should admire people who make an effort to put the things that they find offensive and harmful out of their world.

I see Rabbi Feldman’s point, and it does make me a little uncomfortable to have dancing Chassidic Jews as a cinematic punchline. (The Village People thing is just cheesy, as far as I’m concered.) That said, I’m not a huge fan of the constant bans put out by various charedi institutions. To try to rid one’s world of the things that have potential to be dangerous is not only paranoid, it can be a harmful act in-and-of itself. It’s one thing to create an environment where a television can’t contribute anything substantial, but it’s another to say that televisions themselves are the harbingers of evil. It’s one thing to say that modesty is important, and it’s another to throw rocks at women who wear clothes that don’t accommodate the community.

It’s okay to say to someone, “Hey, that TV show you’re watching really seems to be having a negative effect on how you look at your own body.” It’s not okay to say to someone, “TV is evil, Gossip Girl is evil, and you and your bulimia can shove it, as far as God is concerned. Call Him when you keep shabbos.”

To me, this seems like a very chanukkah-appropriate struggle. We do want to encourage people to embrace Jewish life and Jewish law. We don’t want people living lives that overemphasize the aesthetic pleasures in life. The Maccabees never seem to have found a happy medium, but I hope that we can.

I stumbled across a beautiful Shabbes quilt not long ago, and when I inquired about it, I was pointed towards various resources online for Jewcy-crafty types. I had no idea! Anyway, sewing and general Martha Stewarting (I know, I know, I want to resent her, too, but sister makes some great stuff) is sort of a secret pleasure of mine, so here's what I know:

For some inspiration, try my two faves: hit the campy and wonderful Judaikitsch: Tchotchkes, Schmattes & Nosherei by Jennifer Traig for projects like the Neil Tzedekah Box and a beaded matzah purse. With a description of "what would happen if Martha Stewart was abducted by a tribe of trailer park rabbis"--- it's obviously useful and hilarious. Then check out Jewish Holiday Style by Rita "Jewish Martha Stewart" Milos Brownstein. A few other good reads you might find some inspiration in: Jewish Holiday Crafts for Little Hands by Ruth Esrig Brinn, and Jewish Holiday Treats: Recipes and Crafts for the Whole Family by Joan Zoloth & Lisa Hubbard.

The Pomegranate Guild members are reviving Jewish traditions and stories through their work with textiles, here we read about Marci Greenberg’s “Knitting by Torah” project, and here is a great article about Knitzvah, Skitch & Kvetch (modified from the popular Stitch and Bitch) and Not Your Bubbie’s Yarn. (And check out this alef-bet chart.)

Quilted Quickest Sewer Upper: Who wants to sew this for me? Kidding! Sort of.

The fabulous Dreidel Crafts offers Jewcy-themed buttons, a nice selection of rubber stamps, several clasps and charms, appliqués, quilt supplies, fabric, candy molds, and on and on. Such great stuff. So fun. And they even offer gorgeous quilting patterns, like this Torah Quilt and tons of other Jewcy quilt designs. Here Elizabeth Rosenberg sells patterns for her stunning quilts, (Oh, speaking of Jewish quilting, read this interesting piece about Jewish and Palestinian quilters coming together for a peace quilt.) Fancy Delancy by the way, specializes in hard-to-find Jewcy fabrics.

Blackwork Archives has these beautiful pomegranate needlepoint patterns (Rosh HaShanah napkins next year anyone?) while Crafty Needle has several patterns for tallis bags and needlepoint. And, will you get a load of these DIY wedding resources? This from Do-It-Yourself Weddings and this from Martheleh Stewart. Rumor has it, The Artful Bride by April Paffrath and Laura McFadden is a really great DIY wedding book, but, uh, yeah, I'm no authority on weddings, yo.

Chadis Crafts offers all sorts of tribey bead projects like adorable “beadie” dreidles that would surely be a hit with kids. A DIY seder plate would be a cute project, too. For more fun resources for kids’ projects, Making Friends has a jewish crafts section, (I say “kids’ projects” but, hello?, I’d totally make the Magen David napkin rings.) and this dreidel would be a cute projects for a bit older kids. Then again, a friend of mine decoupaged beautiful dreidels a year or two ago, so maybe we can have just as much fun as the wee ones on the dreidel craft department. I mean, even Martheleh gets into dreidels. Oh, and see her other Chanukah craft ideas here. Oh, oh, and her matzo cover here. Uh, and of course she makes candles for Chanukah.

Handmade candles: Oy, Martheleh, oh, Martheleh, what can't you do?

Of course, if you’re not so keen to make things yourself, you can always hit a design-your-own site or commission a tallis to be woven for you, or look through hundreds of sites for Jewish artisans (like here and here) and still reap the benefits of having beautifully handmade Judaica.

What about you folks out there in Jewcylvania? Any craftiness you want to share?

(My mother, by the way, is going to plotz over this post. She's so crafty. Must be where I get it from.)

I was just reading about a local event of blessing pets called a "Bark Mitzvah" and scooped some fun Jewcy-ness for us to shower on our darling animal companions.

Bark Miztvah: Cute but oy.

Some people do individual Bark Mitzvot for various reasons, and some folks really, really have a Bark Mitzvah, or a Meow Mitzvah, but that's a bit of a different post. Diana Guerrero's Blessing of the Animals covers some pet spirituality "with such chapters as “Rites of Paw-sage: Muzzle Tov,” about 'bark' and other mitzvahs" (but also not overlooking heavier topics like illness and loss-- btw, here Rabbi Goldwasser offers up some suggested text for pet burial.). The Rabbis of Boca Raton Theological Seminary compiled a more lighthearted How to Raise a Jewish Dog for your reading pleasure, as well.

You could, I suppose, style your pet in this pet kippot, this pet kippot, "Pisher", "Shana Punim" and "Yenta" doggie t-shirts, "You had me at Shalom" doggie t-shirts, Kosher Hot Dog shirts, chai maintenence collars, and, pets probably want a little bling, too. Maybe this bling. Small Dog World sells all sorts of find little doggy Judaica like really, really tiny doggy tallis and kippot, treats, and very tiny Magen David tennis balls. If you're really into dressing your pet, this chanukiot dreidel hat might be a nice start (hi, my cat would claw my face off if I tried to put that on him!). Of course, you could dress your pet in a matzoh-print pet sweater, too, if that's your bag. Oy. Uh, hit YouTube for a sec and see some folks having a lot of fun dolling up their pets here, here and pets howling along to a bracha. Oy.

Meow, meow!: The cat's outta the, uh, box of Streit's.

Here's what Star-K Kosher certification has to say about kosher pet food, fyi. If you want to make sure, Kosher Pets has all sorts of resources, including kosher dog food and treats, kosher cat treats, a downloadable Passover feeding guide and a special holiday section. Evanger's has all sorts of reading, resources and products for pets (my kitty looooves their canned cat food). And, for Pesach, hit Kosher Pets or this joint that offers up Kosher for Passover cat food. Of course, if you feel like you need to go all out, the chef at Club-Beverly Hills will whip up kosher for your pet. Doggies might dig these little dreidel treats, these Chanukah bones, or cute Chanukah treats. Of course, you'll need to keep your pet treats in a cute container like this, perhaps give your pets some kasher-assurance with this food bowl, or this one.

As for playtime, the possibilities are endless with options like Shmutz the Octopus, Lox the Fish, pet dreidels, Schlep the Camel, pet gelt, squeaky Mensches, rattley-squeaky Chanukah bear, catnip matzah ball toys, squeaky matzah balls, and other goodies from Chewish toys. Or, you can, uh, send your pet this kosher dog gift basket or this one.

Okay, just one more picture: They're too cute!

Of course, for those of us with pets who love them to bits, we can show our pet pride in our own Judaica like this kitty chanukiot, weiner-dog chanukiot, well, all sorts of animal-themed chanukiot, doggie mezuzah cases, kitty mezuzah cases, really, and, sometimes, your Judaica purchases can even go to pet-related causes.