FAITHHACKER
Jones Soda's Chanukah Pack |
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 by AmyGuth, November 14, 2007 |
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Happy Chanukah!: Latke soda and vodka, anyone? Bleh.Uh, just in time for the various winter holidays, Jones Soda Co. is introducing Christmas and Chanukah multi-packs of soda. The Chanukah pack boasts the four soda flavors of latke, sufganyiot, apple sauce and chocolate gelt. While I enjoy all four food quite a bit, the thought of drinking latke-flavored soda on ice makes me want to gag. But, I will try it with an open mind. Hang on, though, it get so much creepier. We can pick up a Christmas four-pack for our Christmas-celebrating friends with Sugar Plum (maybe), Egg Nog (hmm), Christmas Tree (pardon?) and Christmas Ham (come again?). Wait, wait, it gets even better. All the flavors are kosher. All kosher. Even the Christmas Ham. Oy. Ugh. Can you imagine? Can you imagine the rabbinic inspection the day the Christmas Ham flavor was launched? Oy. Anyway, I think my favorite part of the entire line is that the Chanukah package "includes one completely functional dreidel".
I will give Jones a point for creativity, though, certainly. I mean, this is the company who brought us the Thanksgiving packs in years past with flavors like "wild herb stuffing", "Brussels Sprout with Prosciutto" and "turkey and gravy". Correction. Turkey and Gravy soda is available this year, if that's your bag.
Or, if you're feeling particularly inspired, maybe we can all put our heads together and suggest a flavor. Hammentaschen? Carrot tzimmes? Challah? Potato kugel? Matzoh ball soda? Bleh. Okay, perhaps not.
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Amy Guth is the author of Three Fallen Women, which she is perpetually schlepping around to pimp out. Between travels, she's hard at work on her next novels and is the woman with the pink-stripey hair usually starting up the horah at |
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katiegirl
Kosher ham soda. That is so wrong on every single level, I don't even know what to say. This post made me SCREAM. It's sooo funny. Latke bevvy anyone?! Oh, no? Why not try Kasha Varnishka mixed with cream of pearled onion.
If they offer up a create-a-flavor poll, I'm going to push for sack of haysus. It's equally nauseating.
Jonathan
What's wrong with kosher ham soda? Some of us BTs still yearn for a good hot Yumbo sandwich from our misguided youth. Why else do you think the fake bacon bits sell so well at the kosher food stores?
AmyGuth
I think my squeamishness is less ham-based and more savory beverage-based because it's so out of the realm of what we've trained our brains to process. I'm going to give it a go, though. Even the ham flavor. I'll report back on that.
Speaking of things we've trained our senses to regard as abnormal, Demeter makes perfume scents like "earthworm", "dirt" and "used bookstore", too.
Anonymous
Where can I get the used bookstore scent? I am a serious bibliophile and that sounds hot. Perfect Chanukah gift for my wife.
eggsalad
Amy, in light of the history of Jews as comedians, Vaudevillians, and gag writers, it should be clear to you that this is what is commonly known as...
Schtick.
It's funny, Amy, it's a gag, a joke, a pisser.
Because, you see, if it was serious, you could buy latke soda all year 'round.
Move on.
Anonymous
eggsalad,
I must disagree. Latke soda can only be drunk during Chanukah. Now, tongue or lox soda--that could be drunk year round.
Anonymous
I actually had a dream a few weeks ago about ham soda. I was trying to describe it to my husband - in my dream, it was some thing that Elvis loved.
I just can't believe that my dream is realized - too weird.
Elvis would have loved it, though.