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The Best of Harry Potter Fan Fiction |
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 by Tod Goldberg, July 16, 2007 |
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Fanfic isn’t exactly a new phenomenon: Sherlock Holmes starred in some of the earliest examples (off-line, obviously) and there are those who’d argue derivative works are in the same class. Now, of course, just like any decent form of art, there are different kinds of fan fiction, though the one that seems to get the most attention is slash, which involves, essentially, Kirk and Spock and a sudden realization that the hungry touch of man flesh (or, well, Vulcan flesh) is what both have long desired. Not all fan fiction is slash fiction, but I find slash by far the most amusing and confounding, particularly when I read about how the relationships are clearly in the subtext of the work, and when the characters are played by William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy. Or children. I'm less inclined to find fan fiction stories about real people harmless -- like, you know, stories about the actors from Boy Meets World meeting up in real life for hot sex with their fans. The characters? Fine. The actors? That's just weird. And troubling. And disturbing. And a little hot. Well, I mean, if I wasn't married and didn't have easy access to Cinemax.
The end of the line: Rowling's latestThis week is a big week in fan fiction circles, or at least one circle—er, chamber, as the final installment of J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series hits shelves on Saturday. If you simply can’t wait another day, though HarryPotterFanFiction.com has just announced its finalists for their annual "Dobby Awards" recognizing the best fan fiction produced on the site. Voting is being conducted presently. I haven't read much fan fiction over the years; saddled as I've been with student writing, I figure reading stories about Kirk and Spock gang-banging a Romulan cum slut or Scooby and Scrappy taking it to a whole new level with "Scooby snacks" probably won’t enrich my life much. But it's summer, and I've got some time. In the interest of science, I decided I'd read and rate some of the nominated stories (and by “stories” I mean “parts of 89,000-word novels that make me wonder how these people have the gumption to write a book based on characters they don't own when it's all I can do to get my ass in the chair for characters I am passionate about and have already been paid for.”)
It should be noted that though I haven't read the last three Harry Potter novels, I have seen all of the movies, so I have at least a general sense of the world. That said, I've decided to judge these authors on one simple criteria: If they were my student, when would I stop reading and instead begin crafting ways I might get them to drop my class? This usually becomes apparent when I begin counting mentions of people smiling, dialog tags using words other than "said" and references to characters' eyes.
I read three nominated selections at random:
Chapter 20 of “A New Life For Hermione" by Elena—a finalist for Most Memorable Scene
Chapter 1 of “Loving the Devil” by Slytherinfan—a finalist for Best Novella
Chapter 1 of “October Twilight” by Hufflepuff—a finalist for Best Minor Character Story
Along with fanfic, there's fan illustration: From a French blog called "Draco Hermione l'histoire fantastique"“A New Life For Hermione”
For this one, I just read the nominated scene. When I think of memorable scenes in books, I'm usually drawn to moments of great character revelation: Gabriel's epiphany in “The Dead,” for instance; or, in Richard Ford's story "Rock Springs," the image of Earl walking through the parking lot trying to figure out which car to steal; or even in a book like Elmore Leonard's Out of Sight when escaped convict Jack Foley and cop Karen Sisco find themselves in a trunk together and inexplicably find some common romantic ground. I think of moments, in other words, where characters change and grow on the page and, moreover, where the reader becomes aware of a paradigm shift.
In the case of “A New Life for Hermione,” the most memorable aspect for me, apart from Hermione and Draco hitting skins with some other Hogwarts folks apparently watching in the wings, was the author's inability to punctuate dialog correctly, the author's reliance on both expository dialog and expository narrative, the author's decisions to shift point of view whenever the author thought it might be cool and, well, the amount of pleading, eye rolling, smiling, adverbs and clichéd sex writing (all you need to know is that Draco and Hermione are just about to climax together when the chapter ends. It’s a fantasy, I know, but c'mon).
The score Number of smiles: 6
Number of dialog tags using something other than “said”: 11
Number of times eyes were mentioned: 9
Final thoughts
I like the idea of Hermione and Draco getting it on in the forest primeval and I like the idea of people watching them get it on. I do not like cliché. I do not like it in a boat. I do not like it with a goat. I do not like it in Harry Potter fan fiction, either. My advice to the writer: Good instincts with the forbidden love. Brush up on writing dialog that conveys character; it's not about how they sound, it's how they think. Learn proper formatting. Don't shift point of view unless you have a reason. Trust that your reader has had passionate sex before and thus knows how it feels and then write it so it's titillating, not purple.
Fanfic authors tend to adore sadistic prof Severus Snape (Alan Rickman in the films): From alanrickman.electric-chi.com“Loving The Devil”
Hermione and Harry are going to call up Tom Riddle's 16-year-old self to help them battle He Who Shall Be Played By The English Patient In The Movie Before The Current One. Not a bad idea. I sort of like it. Good concept. The problem here is that the author writes dialog that is so expository I couldn't manage to stay in the story long enough to care. To wit:
"Wait a minute, Hermione." Harry started again, "How did you come across this spell again, this Tempo Rectis thingy?"<!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]-->
"Tempus Rectum," Hermione stated, clearly annoyed. "Harry I already told you, I was in the library and I happened to be looking in a book about the mystery's of time travel and I found the Tempus Rectum spell. It can bring a person from the past into our present time and keep them here until we send them back with the counter spell." After mentioning the counter spell, Harry noticed a red tinge color his friends cheeks. [sic]
The narrative is just as loaded:
Hermione said this with a smile and Harry had no choice but to believe her. When had she led him or Ron wrong before? Harry couldn't think of a time. And plus, Hermione was skilled with time travel as it was. Why, she was only in her third year when she was given a Time Turner in order to get through her extensive course load. This made Harry trust Hermione beyond all other things and eased his worries a bit.
Add in what appear to be endemic issues with Harry Potter fan fiction—the inability to format dialog correctly, adverbs, tags that explain dialog that is already so expository in nature it would be impossible not to get the meaning—and you end up with a chapter that doesn't auger well for the rest of the novella. The score Number of smiles: 1 (Good job!)
Number of dialog tags using something other than "said": 8
Number of times eyes are mentioned: 3
Final thoughts
A very interesting way to defeat He Who Shall Be Played In The Movies By The Guy Who Starred In Maid In Manhattan—I think JK should have done it herself. Your dialog, frankly, is awful. You need to get a handle on how people talk to each other. Your narrative voice is dry and lacks distinction. You aren't JK; you don't have to write like her. You can make up your own vivid voice. My advice: Take a tape recorder out into the world. Listen to people. Read more fiction not involving boy wizards.
More fan art from enigmatic.org: Harry and Hermione“October Twilight“
Now here is a writer who, with a little more training, could do some damage. The author has taken a minor character, mentioned only once in passing, and has created a whole world for her, filled with her own conflicts, her own issues, her own personality. So, except for the bits where she's using established characters, settings, and themes, she's actually creating her own fictive world. We like that. We think she should write our story about the Oompa Loompas getting their revenge. We think she should ditch this Harry Potter gig and make up her own stories, where she could, you know, publish them and earn a living and get stalkers and restraining orders just like the rest of us.
That's not to say there aren't problems with the writing here, as there certainly are: Tons of passive writing, meaningless secondary action, adverbs in dialog tags, clichés-a-plenty. Opening and closing every door (literally and figuratively speaking). Expository dialog and narrative. But within that, there is also solid scene-building, a flair for description, originality—and emotion. Real emotion. It’s amateur stuff, for sure, but with some instruction this writer could find her voice and create a world she owns. A novel idea, I know.
The score Number of smiles: 6
Number of dialog tags using something other than "said": 9
Number of times eyes are mentioned: 6
Number of Exclamation Points: 8 (special for this one...easy on those bad boys)
Final thoughts You need to teach the rest of your brethren how to format dialog. You've got some skills, some natural ability with dialog and description and a nice, natural voice. Please don't end up writing chick-lit. My advice: Try writing without the crutch of a set-up world. You can do it. I believe in you. Well, I mean, I believe in you in so far as I believe in anyone who has some talent to write, but that doesn't mean I want you sending me pages. What I've learned here is threefold:
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It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.
- It wasn't as good as I hoped to god it would be, nor as good as it could be if people read more books and understood what expository writing looks like and how to avoid it. And people: Enough with the smiling!
- Strunk and White's Elements of Style for Muggles would be a big seller in the fan fiction world.
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Tod Goldberg is the author of the novels Living Dead Girl and Fake |
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Anonymous
Why would you attempt to rate fan fiction if you haven't bothered to read the last three books.
Tod Goldberg
Because I don't care what has happened in the books. I care about about the writing vs. the world.
J.R.
I just have to say, you're braver than I. Or just really bored. Harry Potter fan fic? Yuck, no thanks. I mean, seriously, it seems every single fan fic has to involve someone having sex, if not right away, eventually. And, you know, isn't that like pedophilia? They /are/ writing about teenagers having sex. I guess if the author is a teenager too it's not as bad... but it's still pretty bad.
Anyways, good job with the reviews. I'm not going to read the fics... but still.
oerthrowme
I just want to let you know how much I enjoyed reading your critique/commentary on the fanfiction phenomenon.
I'm an avid (*coughs* addicted) reader of fanfiction -- including the pedophilic, porny, harry-potter variety -- and have been since accidentally coming across it as an undergrad in college. I can't say that my exploration of fanfic (in lieu of, say, just sticking to Columbia's core curriculum and medical texts) has made me a better writer. But, in my extensive experience, a good bit of it is better written, plotted, and paced than the original "canon texts," with richer characterization and more evocative (and provocative!) imagery. It's all about knowing where, and to whom, to look, because the vast majority of the stuff really is utter crap. As you've found. I certainly don't plan to check out the Dobby Awards any time soon; as procrastinatory measures go, http://community.livejournal.com/crack_van/ is a much better (though certainly not infallible) bet.
Mike
fan fiction is not about using as many synonyms as possible or double checking your syntax. When someone really enjoys something like Harry Potter it can make them happy to contribute to a collective story. That can be a great way to start writng original material. Tod, your critique basically ignores all the positivity in what can be a fun shared experience. The fact that you are ignorant of recent Harry Potter plot points (and are proud of it) just proves that people like Dolores Umbridge do exist and should be regarded as the SS foot soldiers they really are.
also, your article wasn't even funny or insightful! And isn't Tod spelled with two Ds?? Duh!
Anonymous
watch it TodD, Mike is gonna throw sand at you!
the nerds can get so worked up! Duh!!!
Anonymous
This story needs a correction. Your link for Hogwarts Sanitarium, nominated for Most Original Story, goes to October Twilight, nominated for Best Minor Character Story. (The story ID for the first is 121101 while the story ID for the second is 171101 -- one character difference in the link results in misdirection.)
Izzy Grinspan
All fixed. Thanks, anon.
Tod Goldberg
Mike, the reason my critique doesn't mention the positivity of the shared experience is that I don't care about the positivity of the shared experience. You see, I was critiquing the writing. If I cared about the positivity of the shared experience, I would have said something like, "And despite the fact that I found the writing expository, I do hope the writers revel in the positivity of the shared experience," which probably would have tipped this more towards the funny. In the meantime, I've corrected the spelling of my name by beating my parents to death with my sixteen-sided dice.
Mike
haha I like your Dungeons and Dragons joke. I'm not a huge Harry Potter nerd, and I don't particularly care for fan fiction. And I'm sure most of them are not gramatically correct. So what's the point of your article? That fanboys like to fantasize about their fav characters having illicit wizard sex? Ummmm, thanks for the update. Or is it that the writing is not top notch? What insight! Thanks for making a postive contribution to the e-world.
Tod Goldberg
Now, Mike, c'mon, I think the purpose of the story is clear:
1. Show the terrorists we're not scared.
2. Help stop global warming.
3. End the needless suffering of Danny Bonaduce.
4. Encourage reading for comprehension by Jewcy commentors, so that they might then see for themselves the reasoning behind all written words. For instance, in this case, it says right in the story the point of it all: "In the interest of science, I decided I'd read and rate some of the nominated stories... I've decided to judge these authors on one simple criteria: If they were my student, when would I stop reading and instead begin crafting ways I might get them to drop my class? This usually becomes apparent when I begin counting mentions of people smiling, dialog tags using words other than "said" and references to characters' eyes." So, the answer is science and scholarship, Mike.
Mike
OK that's a good explanation but "scholarship and science" could be used to justify anything. Are you really a teacher? I just think you are missing the point of fan fiction. Some pursuits cannot be measured academically.
Naomi
Tis rather a dogmatic view on writing and grammar in my opinion.
Not to mention, what you're doing seems to me to be the equivalent of picking up a twelve year old's notebook drawing and critiquing it along the lines of Caravaggio and Vermeer.
If I were the writer of these fan fics, I'd be rather affronted than filled with gratitude by your critiques.
Tod Goldberg
You're presuming that the authors are 12. Typically, the writers are adults -- and I believe these writers are all adults. Now, in terms of the dogma of it all, he queried, do you like to read fiction that, he noted with rapture, uses lots of adverbs, is filled with exposition, he stated with emotion, and tells the reader everything, he rejoined rejoinedly, or do you prefer reading work that trusts you're an educated and erudite reader?
Bad craft coupled with talent is fixable. Bad craft coupled with no talent isn't. I actually believe these writers have some talent -- why not learn to write better? (He asked questioningly...)
JewcyCraig
Regardless of those points anyway, who here doesn't like to pick on children? I think it's one of life's great pleasures. Need I remind you all of how much better an artist, say, Maddox is, than our children? Please remember with me.
Mike
Is that the point of this article? "Ha ha you like Harry Potter and are dorky enough to write fan fiction about it. Now watch as I dissect your grammar and syntax!" It doesn't matter if the 34 year old writing the Hermione/Malfoy sex story misspells the word "cum". Tod, you say you enjoy fan fiction, but you clearly don't get it. The fact that you write with such venom and are so defensive makes you even more suspect.
JewcyCraig
I really don't think that was the point of Tod's article. I think Tod's article was simply amusing. They guy's a frigging humorist. He's making fun of people because he enjoys it. And other people enjoy it too. If he's writing with venom, it comes from his skill in his craft. I don't see him being abnormally defensive at all...Given that he is defending himself.
Tod Goldberg
This comment has been moved here.