The Black Hawk Helicopter ... of COMEDYThis August 15th to September 5th, I will be in Iraq, Djibouti, and Kuwait entertaining U.S. troops. This is part of an all-women comedy tour (and I've been told there will be rides in Black Hawk helicopters!)

My father served in the U.S. Navy for over 20 years; a few days ago, my concerned mother warned me about military food, specifically a dish entitled "shit on a shingle," which I undertstand to involve, at least, toast.

Also on this tour, my jokes are subject to censorship by the Pentagon. (Note: See Ways to Make News About War in Iraq More Interesting to Average Americans).  This, strangely, I don't mind. As a comedian, it's my job to entertain the audience before me in the circumstances I'm given; I also believe in doing a good job according to my employer so I can feel good about myself when I spend the money on Pat Benatar iTunes tracks and abortions.

Several months ago, I read in Bust magazine about AnySolder.com,

a website that allows visitors to browse through a database of soldiers' requests for amenities including undershirts, jerky, candy, deodorant, toothbrushes, and tampons.

Why the hell do our troops have a tampon shortage? Is it a good idea that our soldiers be trickling blood all over a combat zone?

Anyway, I was a little broke at the time I learned about the site, so I picked a unit that had just five women (and which was headed by a soldier named "Sparkle"), and sent them all toothbrushes, lip balm and Tic-Tacs -- total cost, including a USPS Priority Mail flat-rate box, was about $25. Pfc. Sparkle (I'll leave her last name out of it) wrote back:

"I passed out the items including your letter to most of the females I figured what the hell we can all have fresh breath. What I should have done was gave the guys the Tic-Tacs they need them more."