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DAILY SHVITZ
I Have Sinned! |
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 by Michael Weiss, July 11, 2007 |
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David Vitter (R-La.) has confessed to frequenting Pamela Martin and Associates, the best little whorehouse in D.C.
"Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling," Vitter continued. "Out of respect for my family, I will keep my discussion of the matter there -- with God and them. But I certainly offer my deep and sincere apologies to all I have disappointed and let down in any way."
How does he know he's received forgiveness from God? Also, a cultural conservative boinks a high-class female prostitute? So 1983. Can we throw a little crank and maybe a transsexual concierge into the mix or something?
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Michael is an editor of Nextbook and a contributing editor of Jewcy. His work has appeared in Slate, Gawker, New York, Democratiya, Reason, The New Criterion, The Weekly Standard, City Journal and Standpoint. |
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Adam Shprintzen
Vitter: Well, what can I say. She gave really good head.
G-d: Yeah, I guess it's ok then. Carry on.
JewcyCraig
Hey Adam, nice new pic and username. You and I share the same unfortunate Jewish feature that makes me shy away from shots taken in profile, apparently. Is it weird that I always assumed your name was read as Ash Printzen, instead of A Shprintzen?
Anyway, Mike, I think the big idea is that if you receive forgiveness from God, you just kinda know it. But then, I'm not really sure. Neither you nor I really know the guy well enough to say.
Adam Shprintzen
Embrace the schnoz Craig, embrace it! Umm, yeah I don't think we have much of a choice in the matter. I wanted to use my full name just to make sure that I won't be able to get any more university teaching jobs, as any of the idiotic things I might post online can be easily googleable.
It begs the question, are there people who think/claim that G-d hasn't forgiven them?
"Well, I cheated on my wife with a call girl and I talked it over with her. Thankfully she was understanding. Unfortunately I had a chat with G-d and, well, she's holding a grudge."
JewcyCraig
Hahaha! You just made me laugh out loud.
It's true though, schnoz-wise. The only way my nose could be any more entertaining, sadly, is if it made a comic honking noise when squeezed. I wonder if they make implants for that.