As a young girl, I had over twenty Barbie dolls, which I once arranged in their Dream House in a brothel scene, with one Ken sodomizing the other over the Utility Kitchen. My mother's reply: "You're too old for Barbies."

Toy marketing execs say that, in the 1960s, girls we would now call "'tweens" or even actual teenagers played with Barbies. In the '80s, my friends and I would've been mortified had anyone known we still played with Barbies after the age of eight or nine, even if we secretly still liked them. Now, the target market for Barbies is ages 3-5. The dolls have largely, of course, been supplanted by Bratz (you may have seen ads for the upcoming feature film).

The current issue of Heeb informs us that Yasmin, at right, "is named after a real-life Sephardic girl," the daughter of the toy company's CEO, and that "Yasmin's official description contains some dead give-aways: 'Nickname: Pretty Princess. Shoppin' Style: Bargain Hunter.'"

Apparently, someone decided that pre-teen boys need in on all the hot Bratz action. And now: the gayest dolls you have ever seen. Calling this one "Secret Date Brice" doesn't help matters.