I've recently moved in with my girlfriend. She's Persian. I am not. She likes oriental carpets ("Do you know how much these carpets are worth?"). I do not. She likes French provincial furniture ("Do you have a version with more curlicues?"). I, well, you get the picture.

I grew up with Danish Modern furniture and my father's desire to paint walls white, if for no other reason than having fewer paint cans. Also, I once was nearly forced to rent an apartment in London that was owned by a Persian man with unrestrained decorating taste. There were mirrors on the ceiling, and the walls were covered with either deep blue or red velvet. ("I am sorry, I ran out of red velvet.")

Now we must attempt to find a way to match our styles. And I have made this suggestion. We get a mirrored panther. Possibly on a red velvet platform.

I think such an object would allow a concentration of all Persianess into a singularity of Orientalism. An entire opium den/Rubaiyat/Tehran airport in one fused mass. The challenge is, where to find a mirrored panther? The Internet will make this easy, no? No.

The first couple I find certainly have the potential to make me ill, but they are not three dimensional enough.

Mirrored Panther Take 1: (A little to Chinese?)

Mirrored Panther Take 2: (Cool Panther, Scary Lady)

Alas! I could not find a mirrored, tiled, panther anywhere! That includes an entire site devoted to mosaic sculpture on one very very very long page. However, lest you think that I am an idiot Googler ("Did you try putting it in quotes?") or that the world is not full of mirrored, mosaic animal sculptures, I present:

A mirrored horse: A little large for our apartment, but maybe for you?

A mirrored dolphin: What does a mirrored dolphin have to do with cancer research? Also, definitely too big for the apartment.

A mirrored catfish: Now we are talking.

So, what to do? Nu? After much Internet searching, I have found the answer. Something that satisfies the Persian in her and the Jew in me: A mosaic (although sadly not mirrored) Hamen. (As in hamentaschen!)

A mosaic Hamen: (But what about a hamen Moses?)