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DAILY SHVITZ
Contest Winners and New Contest |
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 by Boris Jackson, July 30, 2007 |
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Hey Folks,
This week's challenge is to come up with the....
Best Haiku About Harvard law professor Alan Dershowitz
(Please note that if you cannot think of a haiku about Alan Dershowitz, it is also acceptable to write one about Rabbi Joseph Telushkin.)
The deadline is Friday at 5:00 PM.
Now, as for last week’s challenge, let me just say that you’ve made old Boris proud. Choosing among the entries was like spending a day on the lake, catching a big bucketful of largemouth bass, and then having to throw all but one of them back. It hurts like a solid punch in the groin.
After spending all weekend pacing back and forth in the attic, I choose jrscribbler’s “She wasn't dry, but boy, was she ready” as the winner.
It’s, of course, a reference to that famous “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel” song, and I’ll be damned if I don’t love that song. Just the other day I heard the twins, Squirrelisha and David, singing it together. I would have joined in if not for the fact that I can no longer sing on account of the accident with the syrup and the balloon. (Remind me to tell you folks about that one another time.)
My runner-up is this wonderful entry:
“After the dreidel collector, Sarah Rochel, had her way with the yeshiva student she lured from his prayers at the Wailing Wall, she took a black pen and inscribed the Hebrew letters-nun, gimmel, hay, pay, on his fatigued penis-- a great miracle happened here.”
Thanks to all of you for entering, and I hope you’ll all enter this week’s contest. And please don’t forget that you have to register to be eligible to win the Jewcy T-shirt.
Sincerely,
BJ
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Boris Jackson lives in Kalamazoo, Michigan with his wife, Maria, and his four children: Julio, Jorge, Squirrelisha, and David. When not thinking of creative challenges, he enjoys bass fishing and playing with the family’s dog, Ralph. |
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Anonymous
Rabbi Telushkin
Writes books with Dennis Prager
Damn, Prager's an ass
Anonymous
warrants for torture?
evil dwarf's filthy wishes.
soul full of winter.
yeah, I know I'm not registered. I'm just doing it for the glory. extra points for seasonal reference, please.
mhpine
chutzpah reversal
genesis of vanishing
case for law prof views
Anonymous
Dersh was unhappy.
Blamed goyim and the Arabs
Cheaper than a shrink.
Anonymous
I'm anon 7/30, 1:37pm. But anon. 7/30 11:24pm blows me and the others out of the water.
give him/her the prize.
Michael Weiss
unless you register a profile. Though I'd love to see the USPS handle a t-shirt package addressed to "Anonymous 7/30 11:24 pm."
Dan Freeman
The Case for Israel
Given Four Copies as Gifts
Still I'm Self-Hating
mobius1ski
All you need to know
Defended OJ Simpson
and Claus von Bulow
mstakelt
I'm anonymous 11:24 exposed. Don't get too excited. This is a Jewish place.
JewcyCraig
I love you guys..
Anonymous
Alan Dershowitz
The best lawyer and lover
In the whole wide world
Tzveee
Chutzpah his mantra,
"lawyer of last resort," he
defends, bloviates.
Eli Valley
If Der Sturmer ran
Centerfolds, a naked Dersh
Would make Nazis hard.
Adam Shprintzen
Horrifying image
Running through my head, thoughts of
Finkelstein/Dersh Lovin'
Izzy Grinspan
Anon, your understated hyperbole is ridiculously hilarious (assuming you're not, like, Mrs. Dersh.) But you can't win unless you sign up!
SaraBenincasa
Doucheawitz, advise
Harvard Chabad House.
Also, wife-killers.
mstakelt
This guy sure can kvetch.
But to get rich doing it?
Damn! I can kvetch too.
Jenny P.
people say o.j.
no one talks of pro bono
nice work, Derhsowitz
--jenny p.