OK - but what if your worldview is wrong? what if your view of God, reality and everything is still based on your map of the world when you were a child? What if, God and the World are ACTUALLY ONE THING>?

What if God isn't this nice guy in the sky? What if life doesn't work the way you want it to? What if your view isn't the whole view?

What if your childish logic has made you blind? like Isaac Asimov who said that when he looked at the preists making the priestly blessings and he didn't go blind - he stopped believing in God. In some sence he DID go blind - blind to the possibility of there being something at work greater than his five year old logic!

I am saddend by your situation - robbing yourself of the possibility of touching the transcendant, it means that you're not really living - fully.