You're such a good little yiddle! Thanks for reminding me that forgiveness requires acknowledgment of the sin, repentance and  restitution if necessary. This whole "Oh please forgive me for anything I may have done to you" bullshit means nothing. It's a coward's way out and does not meet the necessary criteria for absolution. From my perspective, the thought that anyone may be in God's bad book because of something they did to me is not something I am comfortable with. So every year I add in an extra prayer that goes something like "Dear God. Thanks for another year of life. It's been pretty good! Listen - if there's anyone in your book of death because of something they did to me, I'd like it very much if you took them off because I forgive them. I forgive the haters, I forgive the gossips, I forgive the thieves, I forgive the bloggers who don't have Jewlicious on their blog roll even though I have their Websites on mine twice, and I forgive those who coveted my Ass. All of 'em. Take them off. I don't want them spending extra time in Gehena because of me."

It's not because I'm into this "turn the other cheek Christian bullshit. Cross me and you should worry about decidedly non-divine intervention. It ought to keep you up late at night wondering when and how I will strike. But that having been said, an ass kicking from me pales in comparison to God messing with you, so in the interests of Ahavat Chinam, unconditional love for my fellow Jews and human beings, I forgive everyone.

But most importantly, I forgive you Marty. You know why you fucking douche bag.

Heh... Chatimah Tova!