What an interesting story - I love the personal essays at Jewcy!

My mother's Jewish and my father's Christian. When I was younger, I self-identified more as Christian than as Jewish because we observed more Christian holidays than Jewish ones. (The extent of my Jewish upbringing was limited to lighting candles at Hanukah and going to my grandmother's house for Passover.) Although I inherited my mom's Russian looks, my last name was an anglicized (and very WASPy) German one. As a child, I don't remember my background ever coming up among my friends, who were all either Irish Catholic or Chinese.

The first time I was "outed" as Jewish was in my pre-teens, when I was walking with my mom in front of a strip mall in northern New Jersey. I felt something brush against my leg and roll away: a penny. Turning to see from where it had come, I looked into the eyes of a kid a year or so older who muttered "cheap jew" under his breath. Utterly confused, I kept walking. Instead of being upset at this lame attempt at racism, I honestly didn't understand how it could be applied to me.

Years later, I have embraced my Jewish heritage, and have made peace with the fact that, although celebrating Christmas (in a very secular fashion) doesn't make me the most traditional Jew, it's part of my past and it's nobody's business but mine and G-D. Getting in touch with my "birth religion" has made me feel more at peace with myself and my identity. Sure, I sometimes feel awkward because the paucity of my exposure to Judaism makes it a struggle when following Hebrew or knowing the melodies to the songs. But then I realize that nobody is (or should be) focusing on what I'm doing wrong.

Good luck with the search for self-discovery, and for a mensch who likes curvy broads - they're out there. My cousin, who's a 22-year-old full-bodied woman and is shomer, was able to find and fall in love with a guy her age, and they're getting married this summer. If she could find a young guy who dug her body type and who would wait for physical intimacy, there's hope for everyone! :)