Amy, I really don't know what kind of a point you are trying to make with your references to attachment parenting, but it's clear you don't know what that term really means, so can you please leave AP out of your incoherent rant?

I am not a rabid devotee of AP. I did read several of Dr. Sears's books and liked his outlook better than most other parenting books I'd seen, so I used his ideas that worked for me, and forgot about the ones that didn't (as Dr. Sears himself suggests). So I'm not here to defend AP to the death. But I do want to correct your ignorant attacks on it. Especially since you don't seem to have a clear idea of what you want to say, and it's really unfair of you to substitute some twisted notion of AP for a logical and meaningful analysis of your own.

You seem to think attachment parenting is all about (1) putting your child at the center of the universe, (2) substituting your relationship with your child for one with your partner, and (3) ignoring all efforts at discpipline. WRONG on all counts.

Taking the last point first, you say "I only wish Dr. Bill Sears, author of The Baby Book and the one who started this mess, could hear you say, 'Withholding discipline in the name of loving our children is, in practical terms, to despise our children and to cause them grievous harm.'” Actually, Dr. Sears would agree with that. You seem entirely unaware that one of Dr. Sears's follow-ups to "The Baby Book" is called, "The Discipline Book" -- an entire volume on how to disciple your kids in a loving yet effective way. And if you'd actually read "The Baby Book," you'd know that he discusses the importance of discipline in the sections on older kids, too. In fact, while Dr. Sears is emphatically against physically punishing kids, or using techniques like withholding love from them or shaming them, he is very big on actual discipline. Parents who follow Dr. Sears' guidance would never allow their kids to pour out salt shakers on restaurant tables (my guess is that Dr. Sears would say that if your kid is doing that, he is feeling bored and you should either find an appropriate activity for him or you should recognize that he's too young to be at the restaurant and take him home). And no true attachment parent would let their kid hit anyone. Ever. (A suggestion for you, Amy -- do some basic research. Go to Dr. Sears' website -- www.askdrsears.com -- and you'll see that he has an entire section on the subject of discipline. Not only would it help your writing, you might learn something as a parent, too.)

Continuing in reverse order, you also seem to have overlooked Dr. Sears's emphasis on the importance of a strong relationship between parents. Dr. Sears would be appalled at the idea of any parent using a relationship with the child to compensate for the a relationship with an adult partner. AP is all about having an appropriate relationship with your kid -- AP'ers are always parents to their kids, not friends or confidantes or (eeew) platonic romantic partners. Dr. Sears says many times (so often that you could not possibly have missed it if you'd done more than skim any of his books) that parents must prioritize their relationship with each other, and he insists that parents get a baby sitter often so they can spend time with each other absent the kids.

Finally, no one who has a clue about what AP really is could ever think it advocates a parenting style that gives your child the impression that he is the center of the universe. Very important to mom and dad, yes. But so important that only s/he matters in the world? Absolutely not. The ideal of AP is to create a close, loving relationship between the parent and child, so the child can grow up secure and happy. The goal of this is to help the child become sensitive, compassionate and caring about the world around him -- the diametrical opposite of thinking he is the center of the universe. An AP child raised well would always think, "how are my actions affecting others" as opposed to "what's in it for me?"

Next time you need a straw man for your half-baked social commentary, you should really be careful to use one you actually know something about.