the Uncle Eli Under the Table Passover Haggudah 

A Present from Uncle Eli
The house had gone crazy, all turned upside-down,
with everyone busily running around.
Mommy was screaming  "Get out of the way!
You can't keep on lying around here all day!
Tomorrow is Passover. You don't look ready.
We have to remove everything that is bready.
Pack up the old dishes and pull out the new.
Prepare for the seder! There's too much to do!"
I just stuffed up my ears, 'cause I'm that kind of kid.
I didn't much care what the rest of them did.
I thought it was stupid; I felt it was dumb
to get so excited  about one or two crumbs
when under my bed, under careful protection,
I keep the world's largest stale bread-crumb collection!
I hate cleaning up. I prefer a good mess.
I'm lazy and mean -- kind of nasty, I guess.
I don't like the seder. It bores me to tears.
I sit making faces  and noises and sneers.
I'd rather be out breaking windows with balls,
or digging up flower-beds, or drawing on walls.
Anything! Anywhere! Rather than be
at the Passover seder with my family.
We mean little kids should be all sent away.
We don't want to celebrate dumb holidays.
Well, those were the thoughts  spinning inside my head.
My ears were exploding, my nose had turned red.
I was very upset at my Mom and my Dad--
disgusted, disgruntled -- in short, I was mad!
When...
right there behind me I heard a soft sound.
I perked up my ears and I turned my head 'round.
And right there before me, as plain as could be
was the weirdest old man that you ever will see.
"Weird" did I say?  He was weirder than weird!
You hardly could see him because of his beard.
It flowed down his body and covered his feet,
all curly and snaggly, distinctly un-neat.
Aside from that beard-- well, you couldn't see lots,
just two twinkly eyes  that peeked out 'tween the knots,
and the hint of a grin that made everything bright
and sometimes turned into a laughing white light.
I stared at this strange little man for a while
as he kept standing there full of laughter and smiles.
The door to the room was still shut up quite tight,
and I didn't know how he had gotten inside.
I finally got up the nerve to speak out:
"You are a strange fellow, without any doubt.
Please tell me who are you? And why are you here?
And why do you look  so fantastically queer?"
He lit up his smile and began to reply:
"I'm your old friend, Uncle Eli am I!
And I, Uncle Eli, am just the right one
to make sure that this year you will have lots of fun.
Instead of just sitting there  twiddling your hands
while the grown-ups read words
that you don't understand,
I've brought you
a special Haggadah to read.
It'll keep you in stitches!
It's just what you need!
I wrote it for children
like you and your friends,
who hardly can wait for the seder to end.
It's just the right thing for a silly young boy--
a Haggadah you'll learn to adore and enjoy."
Then, waving his finger and wiggling his ears,
he stuck his right hand in his tangled white beard
and from somewhere down deep in that jungle of hair
he pulled out a book, which he held in the air.
It's the same fun Haggadah you're reading today.
Don't let your folks see it! They'll take it away.
You might want to hide it where no one can see,
under the table, on top of your knee.
It'll be our own secret. They won't understand
why you cover your mouth with the back of your hand
to stifle the laughs that burst out all the time.
--It's your own special secret, and Eli's
...and mine!