David, you're right that many people do wait to have sex.  All I can say regarding my relationship with Ben was that waiting didn't seem feasible to either of us when we started sleeping together, and it doesn't seem any more feasible now.  We were 20 when we met, it's been more than 3 years and neither of us is really thinking about marriage in the near future.  Certainly some people have no trouble waiting for much longer, but neither of us are prepared to wait any longer than we did.  I do understand that it wasn't a halachic decision, but it's not one I've ever regretted (I've never asked Ben, but I bet he'd say the same).  You think we're in the wrong here, and so does halacha and I guess that's just the way it goes.  

I'm not asking anyone--Rabbi Metzger included--to give Ben and me blessings and send us off to bed.  But at this point we're doing everything we can to stay within halacha, and as far as I can tell nothing is gained by the prohibition.

The argument here is essentially the same as the argument about whether condoms should be distributed in schools.  Do we think fourteen year olds should be having sex?  No.  But if they're going to have sex, which they are, despite our objections, should we do everything we can to make sure that they have safe sex and protect themselves?  I think so.  From everything you've written, David, I assume you don't agree, but that's just where we're going to have to part ways.