"...and not-so-friendly ones like that creepy asshole who keeps telling me I'm not a real Jew because my mother isn't, follow me wherever I go. I could use the comic relief."

This is disgusting. I am a Halachically speaking 100 per cent Jewish and I find such thoroughly un-Jewish.

 To my mind and child of a Jew who stands with the Jewish people is a Jew and people who would deny that do more harm to the Jewish community than overt antisemites.