About JakeRake

A creature of the Washington, D.C., suburban sprawl, Jake Rake is a graduate of the University of Maryland. His interests include baseball, rock 'n roll, and not feeling feelings. Jake is a contributor to The Onion, Gelf, SNY's The Nooner and The Business Corporation, posts daily on JakeRake.com and hangs out like crazy.  He works on a couch in Jewcy's Dumbo office and recently achieved his lifelong goal of posting a link to a novelty hardcore porn site on the website of an online Jewish magazine.

Jewcy Zeitgeist: Dems Manage To Unseat A Crook, Mitt Romney Says Fuck The Car Companies and Pirates, Pirates, Pirates!

By November 19, 2008

News stories, conveniently aggregated and arranged to help you look down your nose at your less-informed collegues. Corrupt incumbent Senator Ted Stevens has lost his reelection campaign in Alaska. Massachusetts Governor and former candidate for the Republican presidential nomination Mitt … Read More

The Mouse Turns 80

By November 18, 2008

Like everyone else in Florida, Mickey Mouse is now an octogenarian. The character famously first appeared in Steamboat Willie (released Nov. 18, 1928), although two earlier Mickey shorts, Plane Crazy and The Gallopin’ Gaucho, were produced but not immediately released. … Read More

Jewcy Zeitgeist: Big Day For The Corporate Mouse, Bruno Surfaces and All The Succulent Whale Meat You Can Handle

By November 18, 2008

Deciding what is important for you! With everyone out of work and hanging around all day, a big turnout is expected for Barack Obama’s Inauguration ceremony in Washington. This year’s minor apocalypse in California has been more or less contained.  … Read More

Mark Cuban Showing Why Money Management Is Probably Best Left To The Jews

By November 17, 2008

Mark Cuban, the 50-year-old owner of the NBA’s Dallas Mavericks and all-around BMOC, has been popped by the US Securities and Exchanges Commission on allegations of insider trading. A couple of years ago this would have appeared to have been … Read More

The Elite Meet To Increase The Heeb Fleet

By November 17, 2008

Ah, there’s nothing like a delicious amalgam of celebrity gossip and religious fervor. Tweak the details of the story to make the celebrities beautiful wealthy socialites who inherited their good fortune from their famous parents and make the religion Judaism … Read More

Jewcy Zeitgeist: Cadillac Grills, Whale Shark Spills and 50,000 More People Available To Hang Out On Weekdays

By November 17, 2008

Stuff happens, even on the weekend… A BBC documentary crew has captured the first footage of a whale shark taking a dump. Citigroup will be laying off 50,000 employees in the coming weeks. Think about that: Citigroup is so big, … Read More

Everyone Should Probably Keep An Eye On Russia

By November 14, 2008

What is going on in Russia? I’m fairly certain that no one has any idea. When the wall came down and the USSR collapsed upon itself like a neutron star 17 years ago, Russia was supposed to evolve into a … Read More

CIA Should Probably Downplay Its Ridiculously Ineffective Hunt for bin Laden

By November 14, 2008

CIA director Michael Hayden reported this week that Osama bin Laden appears to be less involved with al-Qaeda’s day-to-day operations, instead "putting a lot of energy into his own survival." Good investigative skills, Michael, now where the fuck is he? … Read More