Arts & Culture
Former Masturbators Get T-Shirt, Jesus as Consolation Prize
By JessM / February 6, 2009
As you may know, we here at Jewcy have been busy launching some amazingly buzzworthy t-shirts. But, as it turns out, we aren’t the only religion blog throwing our proverbial tees into the ring.
This week, we were challenged by the good folks over at P4CM.com, otherwise known as the Passion for (4?) Christ Movement, who have launched what they are calling the "Ex-Shirt" campaign, featuring solid colored shirts with bold text written across the front announcing what you quit doing for Christ’s sake.
Now, I’m willing to admit that the Ex-Hustler and the Ex-Diva are a little bit cool. I’m even willing to ignore how much the Ex-Homosexual shirt makes me want to vom. But who, for the love of God, would want to wear this shirt?:
Well, those kids, I guess. It’s not for the faint of heart though. As the Ex-Masturbator introductory video tells us:
We want you to rock it. You gotta have confidence though ’cause cats are gonna be clowning you. We already talked about, you know, you walk into the 7-11 and people are gonna be joking and snickering, and you almost want to direct it to those people and tell them you know, you all laughing probably because y’all still masturbating!
Yes, that’s definitely why they’re laughing. Well, to each his own.
P.S. Someone needs to gently explain to the girl in that video that, in this context, the word "bondage" doesn’t mean what she thinks it means.
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Was named Lillith. Same as Frasier’s second wife, no?
Why not make the shirts educational as well as ee-vangelical? For starters, couple "EX-masturbator" with Samuel Pepys.
Anyone?…
Anyone?…Â
Â
Oh god, I know this one. I wanna say: "Michael Weiss" but I don’t think that’s right. Anyone else from editorial want to take a guess?
Yes Craig… you can call me David – even though we’ve never been properly introduced…
BTW, you know what else is funny? Nocturnal emissions. Now these often occur spontaneously but really most of the time there is some masturbatory element involved – ie rubbing up against a pillow or dry humping the mattress. Some meforshim say that nocturnal emissions are caused by the malevolent spirit of Adam’s first wife in her attempts to seduce men. The name of that first wife? I’ll give you 2 hints – it’s neither David nor Craig (Jewcy or otherwise).
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I blog at Jewlicious.com but I party at the Jewlicious Festival
Join me and 800 others in LA/Long Beach Feb 26 – Mar 1
..Can I call you David?
David.
Thanks Lilit! I don’t know how I missed that. And given that this is a post about masturbation I should mention that since we’ve already met, you can feel free to call me David :)  Â
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I blog at Jewlicious.com but I party at the Jewlicious Festival
The shirt is here: http://www.jewcy.com/store/jewcy_keith_herring_tshirt
You can always find it by going to http://www.jewcy.com/shop.
Hope that helps!
I can garantee that in the good old south this shirt would be deemed obscene and lead to an arrest (although there might be an exception due to the EX). This is opening up a door that might lead to even more unusual shirts. I guess some people have a major identity issue with certain practices (EX-Mrs. Fields Chocolate Chip Cookie Eater)
For sure! Look – no hair on the palm of my hands so I can totally relate! But in all seriousness, what happened to the Keith Herring shirt y’all had up? I looked for it again and can’t find it anymore…
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I blog at Jewlicious.com
Didn’t get the context at first. Rather than something on the line of Ex-Fornicator or Ex-Sinner, I thought those Ex-Masturbator tees were pretty cool, as in, "I’m getting it every day, so now I don’t need to."
I’m for Throb’s idea of morphing. The X- could also stand for Xtreme. Or how ’bout XS- ? The expert versus the unbridled, quality versus quantity, expressed philosophically when someone says, "Have a good one!" and I say back, "I have a good one, what I need is a long one."
And I agree, who in the world would want to wear an Ex-Homosexual shirt, except maybe some poor soul at home, shouting into the mirror, "I’m not! I’m not! I’m not!"
That said, I think Ex-Homosexual would make a clever cruising tee, provided you add underneath: ( Make me a liar.)
But the classiest Ex- variant in that context has to be the one proudly declaring –
ECCE HOMO
Or, you could always get one and remove the "E," thereby signifying that you take your kielbasa-polishing to the ultimate level, like in the Mountain Dew commercials where the guys snowboard, skydive, and kickbox all at the same time.
Excelsior!
?????
I’m a big fan of words. I don’t mind the occasional shirt that makes a statement, and I can even put up with Gap’s [RED] shirts. But ex-Masturbator? Really? I just… Rarely am I ever speechless, but this is one of those times. At least Jewcy shirts are cute, clever, and, you know, not totally vulgar.
my pervert mind well be my joY forever! no need for the shirt,IÂ AM doing it right now just BYÂ looking at the girl with the shirt AND TRY TO IMAGINE HOW SHE WAS DOING IT …. NOT REALLY!
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