Arts & Culture

Christina Aguilera’s Bris-Appropriate Penis Balloons

Remember when Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears were sort of the same person, except that Christina was trashier? And then Christina married a nice Jewish guy and had a baby, while Britney—well, we all know what happened to Britney. Anyway, … Read More

By / February 7, 2008

Remember when Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears were sort of the same person, except that Christina was trashier? And then Christina married a nice Jewish guy and had a baby, while Britney—well, we all know what happened to Britney. Anyway, you’ll all be pleased to hear that Christina circumcised her baby. She told Ryan Seacrest:

“He did have a bris! It was really interesting because I’m not Jewish, but my husband is. I never really knew a lot of Jewish people growing up, I never knew about a bris. It’s all a learning process. Of course, we’re such a non-conventional couple that we had penis balloons everywhere.”

Telling people that you’re “such a non-conventional couple”? Awful. Penis balloons? Pure magic.

  • Anonymous

    Judaism is a religion, when are people going to over all the tribal nonsense? How many more Jews would there be if we included all the little mamzers who got raised Jewish but weren't allowed to be a part of our community?

  • FFG

    There are a whole lot of babies out there that started out born to a non-Jewish mother, but were converted from birth (my cousin being one of them).  That means you start with having a bris, and then raise the kid Jewish.  Before the Bar Mitzvah, the kid (now approaching manhood) needs to go to the mikvah and officially "seal the deal".  Whether Christina and hubby follow through all the way is something nobody knows but them.  But try not to turn your nose up too high.

  • Anonymous

    i was floundering in an attempt to essentialize the complexities of human existence and identity — is little max aguilera bratman a jew or isn't he? — but thank heavens the jewish police have arrived on the scene to clear things right up!  how very helpful.  it's so useful to essentialize ethnic and religious identity!  that was a close one!

     

  • tarfon

    but no one made the obvious joke.  Is a "penis balloon" one that pricks easily?