The Vazu vases from Israeli design group TH+E are unlike any you have ever seen before. Although they appear to be made of glass orA Vase Like You've Never Seen: Vazu's "Tear Off Top" line of vases pose for a group photo crystal, the vases are actually made from a unique form of plastic and be folded completely flat! Sold both individually and in multi-packs, the Vazu vases make the perfect housewarming gift for a neighbor or a friend: Just add flowers and water and you've got yourself a beautiful display and an instant conversation piece. The vases are strong, durable, washable, and reusable—they're even environmentally friendly! No wonder Vazu vases are becoming a hot commodity here in the US.

We asked Tzvika of the TH+E Design Group to tell us how Vazu vases came about.

Jewcy: Tell us a little bit about TH+E Design Group.

Tzvika: TH+E stands for Tzvika, Hagai and Eitan, three childhood friends with no previous experience with designing vases. I was a law graduate managing products and projects in the Israeli hi-tech industry. Eitan was a cognitive psychologist specializing in human interfaces, and Hagai was a landscape architect renovating houses in the city of Tel-Aviv. Typical 'mid-life crises' found the three of us wanting to do something different.

TH+E had many ideas for products, but when the Vazu vase found such a great market niche, the vase business became so large that we found ourselves only designing vases for the last couple of years. Now, as the vases become more established in the marketplace, we are starting to design new products like lamps, pet accessories, and kitchenware.The LinGuina Vase in Green: Good morning, sunshine!

We've partnered in the United States with Michael Epstein (a Jewcer) to create Vazu USA. Vazu USA markets and distributes the Vazu product line in the USA and carries a full inventory in their Cleveland, Ohio warehouse.

Jewcy: Where did the idea for Vazu vases come from?

Tzvika: During a search for ready-made materials that we could use to create a lampshade, we were looking at different types of food packaging and discovered an interesting format that was no good for lighting but happened to work perfectly as a vase.

Jewcy: What materials are the vases made out of? How does it work?

Tzvika: The main material is a special kind of polyethylene which is highly transparent, flexible, and very strong.

Jewcy: What kinds of patterns are printed on the vases? Who designs this aspect of the product?

Tzvika: The three of us together with graphic artist Hagit Zimbrovich all draw, paint, and play with hundreds of patterns until we find a print that merges with the vase's shape and also compliments flowers. Our first line of vases was 70ish retro but, as we now appeal to a wider audience, we try to design for a variety of tastes with many different styles. Our bestselling pattern, the “TranSisto,” is designed to look like a classic Bohemia-glass vase. Our gold and silver “LaceTica” vases are an ethnic design with an oriental touch. The “Blumina” line, with its strong summer colors, remind us of our last trip to Brazil. We work very closely with the creative staff at VazuUSA to incorporate the latest trends from the US into our designs.Opening a Vazu Gift Sleeve: Comes out flat!

Jewcy: What kind of buzz has the product been getting?

Tzvika: Like the “Jerusalem Syndrome,” we call it the “Vazu Syndrome.” We have people from all over the world contacting us every day, asking to sell our vases in their homeland, because they're convinced that their lives will change if they just start to work with our vases. We've heard from everyone from a retired teacher in New Zealand, a young mechanic from Peru, a real-estate broker from Germany. We've been featured on many Israeli magazine covers, our vases were picked as last year's giveaway at the Israeli Export Institute, and several Israeli embassies have included our vases in the gift baskets that they give to other diplomats. The most recent: We were a finalist in the “Best New Product Award” at the Super Floral Show in Orlando, Florida, which is the floral retail industry's annual trade event.

We always say that if you have new guests coming to your home, just place one Vazu on the table and wait until your guests realize it is not a glass vase; you will then have something to talk about for the next couple of minutes! The Vazu has become very popular in the US as a hostess gift, especially as a gift with or without flowers for Shabbat dinner.Coming Soon: Vazu vases with the conveniece of a tear off top!

Want to know where you can pick up your own Vazu products? Michael Epstein, long-time Jewcer and distributor for VazuUSA, tells us: "Our Gift Sleeve version is currently available at many museum shops, botanical gardens, hospital gift shops, JCCs and gift stores in the USA. Our Tear-Off-Top version is available at select supermarket floral departments and other floral retailers. By this time next year, we expect to have the ToT version available in the majority of US supermarkets and mass merchants. If you don't see a Vazu at your favorite local retailer, you can also buy them online from Vazu USA. Shipping is free!"

It may not seem like there’s much any of us can do to bring peace to even a relatively small corner of the world, but supporting world peace is as easy and concrete as drinking coffee or playing basketball. Here are four groups that not only work for peace, they also grow coffee, make yummy food, teach kids to play basketball, and bring young people together for a camp experience that includes conflict resolution exercises.

	Mirembe Kawomera A coffee cooperative in Uganda that grows organic, kosher, fair trade coffee. The best part: The co-op is made up of Jewish, Muslim and Christian coffee farmers all working together. In Luganda, Mirembe Kawomera means Delicious Peace.
	Peaceworks is a "not only for profit" company that makes healthy foods products produced by neighbors on opposing sides of political or armed conflicts. Plus, they donate 5% of all profits to groups working to empower the moderates in the Middle East who want a peaceful end to the war through a two-state solution.
	PeacePlayers International Founded on the premise that “children who play together can learn to live together” PPI brings kids together to play basketball, which unites and educates young people in divided communities. Currently operating in Northern Ireland, South Africa, New Orleans, Cyprus, and the Middle East, they foster positive relationships for thousands of children, helping form positive relationships, develop leadership skills, and improve their futures.
	Seeds of Peace Bringing kids together at a summer camp in Maine, and doing follow up programming in their home communities in the Middle East and South Asia, this program includes daily dialogue sessions, regular camp activities like arts, sports, and music, a ropes course, religious services for both Jews and Muslims, and a peer support program. When participants (called ‘Seeds’) go home, they attend more coexistence programs, and a conflict resolution and mediation training program.

Philip Schein: undercover in uruguayPhilip and Hannah Schein are the Rina Lazarus and Peter Decker of American vegans. This husband and wife team – Philip is forty-three; Hannah, ten years younger – are undercover investigators for the animal rights group PETA. Over the past six years, the duo has taken on almost twenty high profile investigations, including one that shook the Jewish community to its core: Agriprocessors, Inc. in Postville, Iowa, the world’s largest kosher slaughterhouse.

Agriprocessors (the producer of Aaron’s Best, Supreme, Shor HaBor, Rubashkin’s and David’s meats, and owned by Chabad hasidim) is currently in the news for the massive immigration raid that saw close to half of its workforce arrested, and for related allegations of child labor violations, extortion of illegal workers, company-organized identity theft, forced unpaid overtime, and a brutality toward workers reminiscent of the Jim Crow South.

In 2004 the Schein’s went undercover at the plant and found different horrors – including the plant’s practice of ripping out the trachea and esophagus of live cattle with a meat hook. (The Schein’s would uncover a similar practice at the company’s smaller Gordon, Nebraska slaughterhouse in 2007.)

The Schiens are former Jewish community professionals.

What Jewish involvement did you have as a child? Did your family attend synagogue regularly?

Hannah Schein: I was raised in a Conservative family, and my parents were very involved in the synagogue. My mother was the synagogue president at one time. I did not attend every Shabbat, but I wasn't a "High Holiday" Jew either.

Philip Schein: I grew up in a more assimilated household (we later became involved in a Reconstructionist synagogue). Early on, we only celebrated the major holidays: Pesach, etc. I just found documentation that my oldest recorded relatives in the 1700s were actually father-and-son shochtim. So I am sort of carrying on the tradition of being on slaughter floors.

Did you attend Hebrew school or a Jewish day school?

HS: I attended day school for three years, from pre-K through first grade, and then attended public school from second to 12th grade. While attending public school, I participated in my synagogue's Hebrew school. After my bat mitzvah, I attended the Bergen County High School of Jewish Studies (on Sundays).

PS: I didn't become seriously involved until I worked for a Jewish camp for people with disabilities for the Reena Foundation in Toronto. I also attended the Ivy League Torah Study Program, which is run, ironically, by the National Committee for Furtherance of Jewish Education (NCFJE). I say "ironically" because now this organization is the focus of a multi-year PETA investigation into abuses during kapporos. Rabbi Shea Hecht of NCFJE has been completely resistant to making humane changes.

Rubashkin's Glatt Kosher Products: also glatt illegalDid you grow up keeping kosher?

HS: Yes, in a Conservative way. I have never knowingly eaten pork, shellfish, etc., or mixed meat and dairy. Our home was kosher, but we did eat in non-kosher restaurants.

PS: No, but I went vegan as a teenager, which sort of made me kosher "by default" at the time.

What's your favorite childhood memory?

HS: I have so many—I had a very fulfilling and fun childhood! My parents are the kind of people who were truly prepared to have children and nurture them—they were both teachers and ran Jewish camps in the summers. Some of my best memories relate to when my mom would teach me to love and respect nature—for example, crossing paths with a box turtle while picking raspberries on the edge of a meadow.

PS: Unfortunately, as a child, I used to enjoy going to horse races before I knew about all the abuses in the industry. PETA's anti-horse racing campaign is particularly important to me because of my personal history.

Where did you go to college? What type of Jewish affiliations did you have as a college student?

HS: Princeton University. I was active in the Hillel and was very lucky in that the Center for Jewish Life (CJL) opened during my freshman year. I ate at the CJL's kosher dining hall every day for several years, participated in the Conservative minyan, and was a CJL board member (house manager) one year.

PS: Hannah always laughs when I say that I am an "Ivy League" graduate (Ivy League Torah Study Program) because she actually is one. I did my undergraduate work in Canada and became very involved in Holocaust studies. I traveled to Poland to make a film for the Toronto Holocaust archives about a man I was working with in Toronto who sustained a brain injury at the hands of the Nazis and then survived hidden by a Polish family for 22 months in an underground bunker. After college, I worked extensively with people with developmental and psychiatric disabilities in the frum community in Toronto. I later did graduate work in York University in Toronto and then at Syracuse University.

How did you two meet?

HS: I had been hired as the CJL/Princeton Hillel program director and traveled to Washington, D.C., for Hillel's orientation for new professionals in August 1998. At one point, a fellow attendee brought Philip over. He wanted to meet me because he heard I used to work for the Yankees. When the annual Hillel national conference rolled around in December, we got engaged.

PS: Shortly after we met, Hannah made me a wager about the 1994 World Cup (soccer), at which she had volunteered. She went to the nearest computer to look up the info and announced that she would have to "eat crow." I suggested she eat "crowfu" instead.

You both worked for Hillel. Where? In what capacities?

HS: Princeton University, program director.

PS: Syracuse University, program director (3 years)

What is your impression of Jewish campus life? How many Jews are Jewishly involved? Do you see mistakes made by Jewish campus organizations that limit or reduce this number?

HS: I haven't worked at Hillel since the 1998-99 school year, but I think we did a pretty good job of making options available to students seeking any type of Jewish activity. The CJL is centrally located on campus, and its opening made it exponentially easier to facilitate student involvement. At Princeton, the percentage of Jews was probably a little more than 10 percent of the student body (and the school is on the small side), so we didn't have the kinds of numbers you see at some campuses, but we had excellent rates of involvement. We had a very successful Jewish advisor program that reached out to incoming students and let them know what kinds of programs and resources the CJL offered.

PS: At Syracuse, we had to work with the student culture rather than impose some generic brand of Hillel community. So we organized events like multi-university Jewish basketball tournaments to get some of the more unlikely students involved with Hillel and the Jewish community; things like that and Birthright Israel built up a base of students across the spectrum. It was very successful in that sense. However, I found it to be somewhat of an immature Jewish community regarding social action. For example, students had a project to collect 6 million buttons for Holocaust commemoration—I think their energies could have been better used actually doing something concrete and useful that would address current injustices.

Why did you leave the Hillel system to work for PETA?

HS: I left Hillel to move to Syracuse and marry Philip. He stayed on as program director for SU for two more years, while I earned a masters degree in criminal justice. I wanted to work preventing crimes against animals, so I looked into jobs in the animal protection field. PETA is at the vanguard of the animal rights movement, so I was very gratified to get a job where I could make a real difference. On my first day, they had me review new footage from an undercover laboratory investigation, and I was hooked.

PS: Hillel functioned for me more like a graduate assistantship while I was in grad school, and it was never my intended career track. I had worked for more than 10 years with people with disabilities, and during my graduate work in disability studies at Syracuse, it became clearer that all the "-isms" (e.g., racism, speciesism, sexism) are profoundly connected. For example, women, people classified with mental disabilities, and certain races and classes were all historically presumed to not be able to think abstractly, not be individuals, not have complex emotions, etc., and were depicted as being synonymous with nature. The same misunderstandings are continually applied to other species. So I look at the work I'm doing now as the culmination of all the work I did working with marginalized, vulnerable "others"—those who are full beings but falsely characterized as being deficient.

I decided to apply to PETA a few months after watching a TV debate with a PETA vice president. Her arguments and explanations were so reasonable. I had preconceptions of PETA as having extremist views, but the more research I did, the more I found it to be the opposite—advocating for the prevention of unnecessary suffering should just be common sense. The counter-arguments are truly extremist and absurd, such as when the Chief Rabbinate of Israel said, in the words of The Jerusalem Post, that "gratuitous cruelty to animals during the slaughter process does not disqualify the meat." I soon became convinced that this was the most important and urgent work. Hannah started working at PETA first, in the Investigations Department, while I was working on my dissertation, and I saw how everything she was doing was making such a difference for the animals. I felt compelled to apply to PETA and devote all my energies to this cause.

What was the worst thing you saw at Agriprocessors? What shocked you the most?

PS: I was absolutely shocked that workers were ripping the tracheas out of animals while they were still completely conscious. It was such a cruel and brazen violation, and this was standard operating procedure. We knew immediately that AgriProcessors was in enormous trouble.

HS: I think seeing the steer actually struggle to his feet and walk out of the room was most shocking to me. It's shameful that these inhumane slaughter procedures were allowed by all the parties involved.

Hannah's Favorite Vegan: friend of jewcy, alicia silverstoneWhat about on your other investigations? What was the worst you saw? The most shocking?

HS: The worst thing I've seen in person was the "shackle and hoist" kosher slaughter of cattle in a slaughterhouse in Uruguay. Workers took minutes hooking and roping each steer's feet in order to trip him onto his side and chain his legs, then they stood with all their body weight on his legs and pinned his head to the floor with a sadistic trident-type tool so that the shochet could cut his throat. The workers then hoisted each steer quickly by one foot, while the steer struggled to breathe and his lifeblood poured on the floor. The worst investigative footage I've seen, period, is the video showing animals being killed for their fur in China: You actually see people peel the pelts off live animals, and you see them suffering horribly, writhing on the ground with no skin. We have footage of one animal who had her fur peeled off—all but her eyelashes—and she raises her head slowly and blinks. Animal behaviorists say that blinking is a sign of consciousness—she was, very likely, still feeling the pain of being skinned alive.

PS: Perhaps the most disturbing single incident I witnessed was during a bear-hunting investigation I conducted last September, when a hunter attempted to shoot a black bear at a bait stand and missed, seriously injuring the bear. They tried to track the trail of blood but were unsuccessful, so the bear most likely suffered for days and died from the injury. One of the most viscerally shocking things I experienced was the stench in the first poultry slaughterhouse Hannah and I investigated.

Has your view of Judaism changed since the Rubashkin scandal of 2004 and the various rabbinic reactions to it? (Especially rabbinic reaction to using a meat hook to excise the trachea and esophagus of a fully conscious animal.)

PS: I used to buy into the image that kosher meat was cleaner and more humanely produced because of the multiple levels of supervision and added scrutiny. However, the kosher meat industry is complicit in all the abuses of the conventional factory-farming and slaughter industries, and we have documented how some of the worst violations—the most inhumane practices—in recent industry history have been perpetrated in the kosher meat industry as standard operating procedure. In many ways, the additional oversight has served only as a buffer, concealing some of the most abusive practices.

HS: It's been very disappointing that the first reaction by the Jewish community to our kosher investigations has been to circle the wagons and scream, "Anti-Semitism!" It is heartening that the Conservative movement has started to take a stand against the cruel practices that we've uncovered, and I have great hopes for Hekhsher Tzedek.

Why do you think Jewish organizations and denominations are for the most part silent on issues of animal welfare? To me, it's as if Jewish soul food – chicken soup, chopped liver, brisket, etc. – has replaced Jewish values. You'd think any rabbi seeing PETA's Agriprocessors footage would say, "Not in my shul." But it rarely happens that way. Why do you think this rabbinic reaction happens so infrequently? What's missing from the equation?

HS: I think there is still shock and disbelief in the Jewish community that the kosher industry could be responsible for such cruelty. There is also confusion about how there could be such a disconnect between Jewish principles about treatment of animals and the reality as it is practiced in the kosher meat industry. But remember, it has been less than four years since the first AgriProcessors investigation was conducted, and there has been a tremendous amount of awareness and action generated since that time.

Also, I think some rabbis are reluctant to be too "preachy" when it comes to telling people what to consume and how to live—in many cases, it's a struggle just to get people in the door. However, I do think the rabbi's role should include guiding people toward deeper consideration of social justice issues, including animal welfare.

PS: Even some who may publicly defend the technical kosher status of the meat produced by AgriProcessors or defend the kosher status of the meat produced through the "shackle and hoist" method in South America may in more private situations condemn these immoral practices. For example, Menachem Genack of the OU—in a lecture at the "Ask OU" conference in August 2006—admitted that PETA was correct that animals were demonstrating prolonged consciousness at AgriProcressors:

"The initial claim from our community was that [the animals] were not conscious, but that's probably not true because that type of complex motor activity means that there is a certain level of consciousness." (Rabbi Genack in a lecture at the AskOU8 conference titled "The PETA Controversy," August 2006)

Rabbi Genack, in that lecture, also said explicitly that AgriProcessors never should have been doing trachea dismemberment on conscious animals:

"It's a procedure that shouldn't have been done, frankly; when the OU found out about it they stopped it right away."

And even before our South American investigation footage was released, Rabbi Genack stated that "shackle and hoist" was "extremely stressful and probably painful" (Rabbi Genack in a lecture at the AskOU8 conference titled "The PETA Controversy," August 2006). Why then can't the OU just suspend its hechsher from these companies in light of these horrible abuses? There is still a paranoid mentality that we should never speak out publicly against our own community. Damage control is the priority. Discrediting the messenger seems to be the tactic of choice. Fortunately, initiatives like Hekhsher Tzedek recognize that the only way to preserve the long-term credibility of the industry is to confront, admit, and resolve the most egregious issues in order to avoid the embarrassment of the magnitude that just occurred with AgriProcessors.

Philip's Favorite Vegan: jewcy friend, isa chandra moskowitzA bad but still necessary existential question: In front of you is a lake. In it, equidistant from you and from each other are a man and a dog. Both are drowning. The man is a total stranger. The dog belongs to your neighbor and is a kind, loving creature you really like. You're alone. You can only save one. You must act now. Which one do you save?

PS: This is not a useful exercise. In all real-life cases, doing something to reduce the suffering of animals is not at the expense of some human interest. For example, banning the cutting out of ear tags on conscious animals (this cruel procedure was done at the Rubashkins' Local Pride slaughterhouse in Nebraska) would not result in the ear mutilations of humans. Except in some fantasy/hypothetical situation, it is never the choice of one at the expense of the other. In real life, it is often the opposite. It is no coincidence that the Rubashkins, whose slaughterhouses are so abusive to animals, also extended this lack of compassion to exploit humans.

Carry the thought to medical research. Obviously, some medical research can be done using computer models and the like. But some cannot be done that way. The only way to do the research is to test on animals. In one hypothetical case, a particular drug that reverses Alzheimer's Disease needs to be tested before going into human trials. The only way to test this new drug is on animals – there really is no other way. If animal testing is not done, the drug will not be used to help humans, to alleviate human suffering and to save human lives. But if animal testing is done, the animals will suffer. Researchers will do everything possible to curtail that suffering. Still animals will suffer. What should be done?

HS: Experimenting on animals is not an effective way of advancing human health. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration reported in 2004 that 92 percent of drugs tested that were found to be safe and effective in animals were unsafe or ineffective in humans. Drug trials on animals are not predictive of efficacy in humans. Reactions to drugs vary enormously from species to species. Penicillin kills guinea pigs despite being inactive in rabbits; aspirin kills cats and causes birth defects in rats, mice, guinea pigs, dogs, and monkeys; and morphine, a depressant in humans, stimulates goats, cats, and horses. Sir Alexander Fleming, who discovered penicillin, remarked, "How fortunate we didn't have these animal tests in the 1940s, for penicillin would probably have never been granted a license, and probably the whole field of antibiotics might never have been realized."

If you could tell every Jew only one thing about why you spend your lives working to reduce animal suffering, what would it be?

PS & HS: Unthinkable things are happening to animals all over the world, right now, because people are paying for them to happen. Our work helps open a window so that people can view these uncomfortable scenes and hopefully reconsider the necessity of their turkey bacon or fur-trimmed coat.

Besides each other, who is your favorite Jewish vegan? Why?

HS: Alicia Silverstone. She walks the walk and has been a super-strong advocate for animals.

PS: Vegan chef and cookbook author Isa Chandra Moskowitz. I tend to improvise in the kitchen, but we love her books Vegan With a Vengeance and Veganomicon.

Animal Testing: glatt kosher, or glatt retarded?Again, aside from each other, who is your hero? Why?

HS: I learned long ago not to idolize people. I aspire to embody characteristics of people I admire, like PETA vice president Bruce Friedrich's generosity, cruelty caseworker Peter Wood's persistence, casework manager Martin Mersereau's unflagging dedication, and PETA president Ingrid Newkirk's integrity.

PS: I actually am a nervous public speaker and would much rather be working undercover than in front of cameras, so I absolutely admire people such as PETA Vice President Lisa Lange who welcome the toughest media interviews and are so cool under fire.

Hannah – what did you do for the Yankees? Philip – be absolutely honest. If you could work for the Yankees or the Blue Jays, be at the park every day – every boy's dream – would you do it? Would you take an extended leave from PETA and play ball? Hannah, would you go with him?

HS: I was an editorial assistant for Yankees Magazine, which produced the monthly magazine and game-day programs. In addition to more mundane chores, I was able to write content for the magazine and got to interview players, coaches, and visiting celebrities. Unfortunately, I left for another job right after I was granted a clubhouse (locker room) pass. Of course, I also heard plenty of predictable George Costanza (Seinfeld) references from friends.

PS: I was at the Blue Jays' first loss ever and celebrated on the street when they finally won their first World Series, so it will always be in my blood. But I don't romanticize it anymore. Every industry has its sordid underbelly, and after hearing Hannah's stories about interning/working with World Cup '94, Major League Soccer, the Yankees, the NHL, and ESPN Magazine, I wouldn't even dream about leaving a fulfilling career helping animals to work in sports.

Sadly, the same type of steroids that scoundrels like Roger Clemens inject are rampantly being given to horses to make them run beyond their physical limits. So stopping this cruel behavior in an industry where the participants have no choice is obviously much more important.

Mo Money Mo Problems: so think about giving some of that phat check awayTax rebates are trickling into American mailboxes. Some of us will be getting a pretty sweet chunk of change back, and with the economy going down the tubes, there are plenty of places we can think of to use that money. But if you don’t absolutely need it to pay rent, put food on the table, or pay off some debt, some people think you should give your rebate (or at least, part of it) to charity. A number of churches have started funds where people can donate their tax rebate money to charities that haven’t been doing so well due to the crappy economy.

"It's an unbelievable amount of cash that people of faith or people of conscience could choose to say, 'You know, we could get along without this. We could put this money to use,' " said Ken Sehested, co-pastor at the Circle of Mercy church in Asheville, N.C.

His congregation of about 50 adults, which is affiliated with the United Church of Christ and Alliance of Baptists, voted to give at least 10 percent of their checks to charities. He and his wife plan to give their entire $1,200 check to the church's partner congregation in Cuba.

Kiva.org: give to entrepeneurs all over the world and help end poverty You may already have a favorite charity where you’d like to designate your money, but if you’re looking for some suggestions, Low Impact Living has some tips for spending your money in eco-smart ways that will save you money later on, and also happen to be good for the planet. Or how about helping communities in need all over the world—including Darfur, India, and Colombia—by donating to the American Jewish World Service, which funds hundreds of grassroots organizations working to promote health, education, economic development, disaster relief, and social and political change in the developing world.

And here’s our favorite idea for your rebate check: Use it to make a micro-loan to empower an entrepeneur in the developing world to lift him or herself out of poverty. And since you’re only loaning the money, you can even get it back to spend on a night out on the town in a few months, or reinvest in another venture, or donate it. Check out kiva.org to choose the micro-loan you’ll support.

“Oh, and wear something bordering on appropriate,” my mother says into the phone, an hour before my cousin’s wedding.

“Hrmm,” I say noncommittally, reaching deep into my closet for an item that to the untrained eye might appear an elaborate doily. I’ve only worn this dress once before, to another Orthodox Jewish wedding.

I hadn’t planned it that way when I bought it. Or maybe I had. Orthodox Jewish functions are the only events that compel me to dress like a stripper on a cigarette break.

I don my doily with pleasure, feeling revolutionary. A sartorial Che Guevara. I’ve come a long way since the days when the best I could do was a jean skirt that showed some shin. At the New Jersey day schools I attended for my first 18 years of life, girls studied family purity while the boys wrangled with the Talmud, and the dress code was taken several times more seriously than college admissions; skirts had to reach mid-calf, sleeves had to cover the biceps, and even exposed collar-bones were risqué. If a student showed up to class in an outfit that didn’t meet the guidelines, she’d be forced to change into the tznius (modesty) skirt the administration kept on hand for such contingencies. I was rarely that contingency.

But the further I travel from the fold, the more compelled I am to flash the rabbis. It’s as though I’m trying to say, look at me and know the path I’ve chosen, know there’s a reason you haven’t seen me in ten years and it’s not because I moved to the Upper West Side. I am different. I am lost to your world.

I am an idiot.

I realize this as soon as I get to the decked-out hotel ballroom filled with dark-suited men and women in wigs, and remember why I’d buried this dress so deep in my closet. It was to prevent my third or fourth reprisal of precisely this moment, when I realize I am not about to pull off the grand moral heist I’ve envisioned. No one is going to look at me and find that the unquestioned truths they arrived with have been replaced with Kant’s categorical imperative.

I stick close to the edges of the endless tables of food, trying to blend in with the linens. This is where my mother finds me.

“Hey there nakadika shiksa,” she says. Nakadika. Naked. Naked gentile chick. Thanks for nothing, lady.

She’s dressed in a suit that veers so sternly away from sexy it’s in danger of qualifying as luggage. She’s overdoing it. Modesty does not come naturally to her either. Orthodoxy itself never came naturally to her, and she finally made her ragged break with the role of good Jewish wife around the time I was shucking the guise of good Jewish daughter. Unlike me, though, she has no urge to suggest to the faithful that they’d need special rabbinical permission just to hear what she did last Friday night.

She’s grinning. “I wonder what you would have worn if I hadn’t called to warn you.” She knows my lofty ideal of inscribing an ethical treatise on fishnets.

“Think I’m having an impact?”

“Oh, without a doubt.”

“Well, I’m not embarrassed,” I tell her and discover it’s true.

I used to come back to the fold and feel pricked by the dual familiarity and remoteness of it. It was returning from exile and knowing I couldn’t stay. Now my lack of embarrassment indicates the other emotions I’ve shed, and it’s this disrobing that makes me feel truly nakadika.

If I really don’t mind that I’m as out of place here as an I Heart Ahmadinejad T-shirt at a sisterhood luncheon, then there must be nothing left in me of the girl I was for the first 18 years of my life. That was a girl whose favorite stories were bible stories, who prayed with such meticulous slowness that the other kids complained, who rejoiced when the high school principal caved to radical feminist forces (my mother) and let the girls dip into the boys-only domain of the Talmud, experimentally, for one semester. Several hours ago all I wanted was to show that I’ve crossed a treacherous gulf, that I live on a high and windswept place inconceivable to the likes of my fellow guests, where on Saturdays we read the Book Review instead of the haftorah and we speak of morality without believing in sin. Now I’m sad to find it may be true. It’s one thing to reject your past; it’s another thing to find you’ve finally let it go.

Then I catch a magnificently bearded fellow gazing through the fruit display at my cleavage. I glance down, blanching at just how much is showing, and know that I haven’t entirely abandoned home yet, just as it hasn’t entirely abandoned me. After all, if that conflicted and rebelliously believing girl is not still in me, then who put on this outfit?

I’ll know I’ve finally left my past when I start to dress like I haven’t.

Bouncing Off the Walls: the Plushood neighborsMeet the neighbors of Plushood, a series of Israeli plush dolls created by industrial designer Shlomi Schillinger and illustrator/designer Tamar "TAM" Moshkovitz. Joske, Vigo, Miss Moss, Jose, Pinto, and Dolores may not always get along, but they're always a ton of fun.  All the dolls have colorful fleece bodies, vinyl faces with irresistible silk screen expressions, and a extensive character history--not to mention online animations.

Plushood dolls are available online through sites including Modern Tribe, Release the Freaks, and Modern Baby Barn. You can also check them out at the Plushood website and on Flickr.

To learn more about these unique stuffed dolls, I spoke with Shlomi and TAM, who turned out to be a couple of creative characters themselves!

Jewcy: Tell us a little about your backgrounds in design.

Shlomi: After two weeks of studying law I came to the conclusion that I can't ignore my passion for design, so I started learning industrial design at HIT (Israel). My first job was at a design office, but dealing with plastic engineering wasn’t my thing (even though the office was on the front line of Tel Aviv beach). Since than I have been working as a production designer, designing sets for TV commercials and for fashion catalogs. Today I work with some of the biggest advertising agencies and fashion companies in Israel. Side by side with my work I found time to design products for my enjoyment – one of them is the Plushood dolls. Some of my products have appeared in international design magazines ( I.D., Dwell) and are being sold in design shops around the world.

Live in Color: Shlomi and TAM on stage with their dolls in Tel AvivTAM: Well, I've been doodling since I was a little girl. As a huge animation fan, I've always wanted to work in that field and tell my little stories that way. After a short period of dreaming about becoming a marine biologist (don't laugh!) I started learning graphic design and animation at the visual communication department in Wizo College in Haifa. My graduation project was a short animation about two Siamese twins who hate each other. After graduation I started working in various fields focusing on editorial illustration, character design, animation, and a little branding. I spent more than two years working as a designer and animator for Shortcut Films on two animation series for kiddies. Besides that I had the pleasure of participating in art exhibitions and designing vinyl toys.  Somewhere in the middle, Shlomi called me and asked if I wanted to make toys with him.

Jewcy: How did your design experience influence the creation of your plush dolls?

Shlomi: As a products designer I learned how to deal with 3D – it helped me give another dimension to TAM'S amazing sketches (materials behave totally different than sketches). As a designer I also knew the importance of the small details to make a product desirable. Working as a production designer I learned about making a dream come true (this is the hard part.) We manufacture everything in Israel, and dealing with manufacturers is something I do every day.

I'm Ready for My Closeup: Vigo, in his anniversary Limbo Edition styleTAM: Even in my college years I had to work with a variety of materials besides CMYK and RGB. I did a silk screen course and learned how to sew, so knowing the limits of the materials and how to work with them made it much easier to work with Shlomi. I learned a lot about working in a semi-mass-production way - stuff they don't teach you in college.

Jewcy: Each "neighbor" in the Plushood line has a background and character story. What was your inspiration in creating these bios?

TAM & Shlomi: Every character is based on people we’ve met over the years. Well, maybe 30% less radical than the real persons. Some of them are good friends who will never know that fact even after we die, and some are crazy neighbors and impossible flat mates we've had the pleasure of living with. The whole building thing is what holds those little dudes together. They are neighbors but they don't really get along. They have no choice but to live and suffer together. A little like it is in our crowded reality.

Jewcy: Have you been getting a lot of press attention, or any interesting testimonials from Plushood customers?

James Richardson III: the newest addition to the Plushood familyTAM: We receieved nice press attention over the past three years, but I'm sure my mom can be much more specific if you ask her. We don't have a publicist, so we're doing whatever we can in that field by ourselves. Not very easy...

During our first months, we used to sell Plushood in open-air fares and had the chance to see our costumers and hear their opinions right away. It was really fun to see how they read each character's story and started identifying with them right there in the street!

Shlomi: We did get a lot of press in daily newspapers and design magazines, and we even appeared on TV shows. As a set designer, I like to push the little Plushoods in front of the camera.

It really shocked me when I realized how many Google results you get when you search for "plushood."

Jewcy: Will we be seeing any new Plushood dolls in the future?

TAM: We recently released the Plushood Limbo edition, a limited series of 45 dolls of each character, all black and silver. We wanted to make something more "adult." In addition to that, we're working on creating a plush of Miss Moss' cat – James Richardson III! We're quite excited about it! And naturally, we'll be making more animations.

Our recent chat with Garry Torres of Food for life has gotten us thinking about biblical food. Is there a biblical food movement? Can we recreate the foods of the ancients in our own homes? Should we? We did a little poking around and found that although Food for Life's Ezekiel Bread is the only actual recipe provided in the bible, a whole slew of people have taken stabs at bible-inspired cooking. Just in case you find yourself craving a divine snack, here are 6 biblical cookbooks to get you started:

	Cooking with the Bible: Biblical Food, Feasts, and Lore by Anthony F. Chiffolo and Rayner W. Hesse: Many biblical stories can provide clues as to how the ancients ate, cooked and entertained. This book gives an in-depth view of eighteen such anecdotes and attempts to recreate them using modern techniques. Each chapter provides the reader with a menu, an essay outlining the biblical and cultural significance of the meal in context, and a list of recipes to recreate in your own home. Such dishes include Rice of Beersheba, Rebekah's Tasty Lamb Stew, Goat's Milk and Pomegranate Syrup Torte, Haroset a la Greque, and Pesach Black Bread. Part two of the book provides detailed information on the ingredients themselves as well as on the biblical system of weights and measures.
	The Complete Idiot's Guide to Good Food from the Good Book by Leslie Bilderback: The other of several other culinary Idiot’s Guide books takes a stab at the bible, sporting the slogan, “Holy is Healthy.” Using a host of healthy ingredients, the book attempts to incorporate whole grains, vegetables, and non-refined sugars into each of its 100 recipes that are meant to recreate biblical dishes or the closest modern equivalent. It also is littered with scriptural quotes and fun biblical facts.
	Miracle Food Cures from the Bible by Reese Dubin: Anyone familiar with the bible will concur that it is big on repetition. Certain foods, for example, can be mentioned several times over the course of a narrative. This book maintains that such repetitions are no accident, but rather that the Bible is trying to give us advice about what we should be putting into our bodies. The authors utilize these helpful biblical suggestion into providing readers with holistic advice. These “miracle cures” include a “sacred medicinal drink that prevents blood clots, relieves pain, and melts fat off artery walls, real-life examples that demonstrate the curative power of plant oils, figs, grapes, red wine, [and] the amazing health-giving power of a blessed grain.” Laugh if you want, but the testimonials on Amazon might make a believer out of you.
	A Biblical Feast: Foods From the Holy Land by Kitty Morse: Moroccan author and cook Kitty Morse knew that many people around her attempted to live as their ancestors did in biblical times. However, when she herself consulted the bible for food recipes, the information was disappointingly scant. This prompted her to delve into other auxiliary resources such as the Dead Sea Scrolls and recent archaeological findings. This gave her the know-how to suggest some great, informed recipes including Toasted Ground Almond and Sesame Dip, Chicken, Leek, and Garbanzo Bean Stew, and Apricots with Pomegranate Seeds and Toasted Nuts in Honey Syrup.
	Food At The Time Of The Bible: From Adam's Apple To The Last Supper by Miriam Feinberg Vamosh: A great beginner’s guide to biblical cooking, this books comes complete with lots of illustrations and introductory information on the topic. Provides several easy to make recipes and a compilation of plants and animals and their biblical symbolism.
	Cooking with the Ancients : Bible Food Book by Arlene Stadd: This book provides a lot of historical information on biblical cooking. It does include recipes, however they mostly consist of modern foods prepared with certain biblical ingredients. Would make a good read for a biblical food enthusiast, but might be disappointing in the kitchen.

Make Sure Your Chairs: have armsAh, wedding season: Weekends fill up with nuptials as our friends and relatives (and maybe even a few of us) march down the aisle and get hoisted up on chairs to wave napkins and hope they don't get dropped. Weddings are beautiful and fun, but as anyone who has ever watched Bridezillas can tell you, they rarely go off without a hitch. Here are some tips for anyone who wants to avoid common Jewish wedding disasters.

1. Check Your Hebrew: If you’ll be having any Hebrew text on your invitation or program, and if you’re not really comfortable with the language, have the text proofread by someone who can catch typos, grammatical errors, and other miscommunications. I’ve seen invitations where ‘I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine’ became ‘My father is my beloved’s and my beloved is mine’ because of a typo. And a ketubah where ‘bride’ became ‘easy girl’ because of a spelling error. Don’t trust the artist or printer to be your Hebrew language expert.
2. Read Your Ketubah: If you’re going to have a ketubah, read the translation ahead of time to make sure that you’re both okay with it. As I’ve written before, it’s kind of a bizarre document, and many couples are uncomfortable with the traditional text. This is the kind of thing you want to talk about months before the wedding, especially if you’re having a ketubah made just for you. You don’t want to hear it read at the wedding and think, “That’s not very romantic.” Be prepared.
3. Test Drive the Glass: There are few things more embarrassing than watching while a groom haplessly stomps on a napkin over and over until the crowd finally hears a satisfying crunch. If you want to use a glass, try a very thin champagne flute. Or cheat and use a light bulb. Remember to save the shattered glass so you can have it made into a mezuzah for your home.
   
4. Find Chairs With Arms: You will be hoisted into the air, and if you have arms to hold onto, you’re less likely to fall or feel unsteady. It’s also good to have some strong friends and relatives on hand.
   
5. Choose Seven Friends: The seven wedding blessings need to be said under the chuppa following the grace after the meal. You may want to give the honor of the first seven to various family members, and the second seven to good friends. Just make sure whoever you ask is comfortable reading Hebrew out loud in front of a lot of people.

The Yogi Man Bean Bag: in a nice, manly beige	Bolster for Baby: five whole feet of fun!
Fun for the Whole Family: Yogipoof designers Yogev and Michele Avisar enjoy Yogipoofs with their kids	Yogi Solo for Mom and Baby: provides hands-free nursing support

As a college student, I can truly appreciate the beanbag, that wonderful invention you can throw around your basement or dorm room, providing no fuss, comfy seating.

But beanbags don’t have to be the ugly blobs that many people associate them with. In fact, the Los Angeles-based, Israeli-owned company YogiPoof USA is changing the face of the beanbag chair at this very moment! YogiPoof is an American division of the Israeli company Milega. Milega means “comfort” in Hindi, and that’s exactly what the company delivers in their self-proclaimed “ultimate bean bag” products.

Whether you're in the market for a dorm room chair, chaise lounge, guest bed, or sofa, YogiPoof has got a bean bag for you! All products are made with fabric manufactured and dyed just for Milega in Israel and have “exactly the right combination of cotton, elastics and beads to create the ultimate comfort.” They also come in a wide variety of colors and styles, and can be molded into different shapes – the combinations are endless! Not convinced yet? Watch this tutorial video on how to mold your YogiPoof, or this one on YogiPoof for kids.

The Perfect Mommy Backpack from GittabagsParenthood can often mean the sacrifice of fashion in favor of functionality, with moms more likely to be seen sporting unsightly diaper bags and stroller packs than fancy-shmancy designer purses.

Israeli designer and mother of four Hagit Neeman-Gorni is familiar with this situation. That's why she decided to launch Gittabags, her own line of fun, stylish, and very functional bags. Their impeccable balance of form and function is why Gittabags so quickly became hot commodities among stylish Israeli parents. 38-year old Neeman-Gorni was recently interviewed by the Jerusalem Post, where she said that her dream is to become a brand name in Europe and the US. To find out more about the evolution of the ultimate diaper bags (and assorted other baby accoutrement), we went straight to the source.Changing Pad Holders from Gittabags

JEWCY: What inspired you to develop Mommy bags that were not only functional, but fashionable?

Hagit Neeman-Gorni: It all started with my personal needs as a mom, and the fact that I studied Industrial design. After having my firstborn (I have four kids now), I needed a bag for myself. Since I couldn't find any bag that was both functional and fashionable, I decided to design something on my own. Parenthood is a continuous process, and women shouldn't hang around with unfashionable bags just because they are moms. Ten months after having my firstborn, while pregnant with my second, I started designing diaper bags.

JEWCY: How did you go about marketing them once the idea was realized?

Confident and ColorfulHagit Neeman-Gorni: The marketing process started the old fashioned, way going from one store to another, confident in my product and with lots of patience. It was something new, more expansive than other products in the market, and it took time for the store owners to understand that customers will pay more for fashionable bags, and that backpacks and stroller bags are a real need for moms, and that the price is justified. It took time, but once the customers started demanding my bags, stores started contacting me.

JEWCY: Do you keep up with current fashion trends in developing new lines of bags?

Hagit Neeman-Gorni: I'm influenced by new trends and constantly modifying my designs to stay updated, but first I make sure all the materials I'm using are of the highest quality and durable. Colors and prints are more influenced by the current fashion.

So Much More Than Bags: gittabags accessories include changing pads and insulated bottle holdersJEWCY: A lot of buzz has been generated in Israel over your bags, making them a hot commodity. Have any celebrities been spotted with your products? Have you gotten any exciting requests?

Hagit Neeman-Gorni: Many Israeli celebrities are using Gittabags bags, including actresses and models like Shiraz Tal, Dana Dvorin, and Sharon Aylon. The list is long. After participating in the Silver Spoon Dog and Baby Buffet in Los Angeles this past April, we hope that American celebrities will start using our bags as well.

JEWCY: Where can we find some more information about you and your bags? Hagit Neeman-Gorni: Information about the bags can be found at our website.

Previous: Jewish and Israeli Must Haves

Learn Talmud At the Gym: there are other options We all know that working out it is good for you in a myriad of different ways: It lowers the risk of everything from diabetes to depression to dementia to erectile dysfunction. Physical wellness should be important to all of us, and there’s no reason to divorce it from spirituality. If we don’t hesitate to ask God to heal us when we’re sick, why not involve God in our preventive measures? There are already Christian gyms that capitalize on the market of people who want to work out in an environment that’s more focused on whole body health and wellness instead of spandex and muscle shirts.

In the past, we’ve told you about the Kosher Gym, and Torah Yoga, but here are some tips for bringing fitness to your synagogue or minyan:

• Tack Fitness onto Existing Programs: Going to help out at a soup kitchen on a Sunday afternoon? Have a weekly study group, or a monthly book club? Add an hour of hiking before or after the program, hire a yoga teacher to give a private lesson, or head to a local climbing wall when you’re done discussing As A Driven Leaf. Instead of asking people to come out to another activity, you have one longish afternoon planned. Easy!
  
• Join A Charity Race: There are tons of options—March of Dimes, the Avon Breast Cancer Walk, Relay for Life, AIDS Lifecycle, Y-Me Run, Destination Cure—you name it, there’s a walk, run or ride dedicated to raising money for it. Form a team, help each other raise money to support the cause (bonus points because it’s tzedakah and fitness in one) and train for the big day (or days). When it’s finally time for the race, ask other members to come cheer you on.
  
• Offer Fitness Alternatives to Regular Programs: Traditional Shabbat services bore some of us to tears, but yoga, hiking, or even surfing can be somehow spiritual. Find a fitness captain who will lead alternative programming for those who want the community, but feel more fulfilled with non-traditional means of prayer and/or meditation. If the fitness captain can integrate some text study or Jewish songs into the practice, all the better. This doesn’t have to be every week, but it’s a nice option to give once a month or so. See Rabbi Jamie Korngold’s book God in the Wilderness for specific pointers.
• Celebrate Your Success: We give an aliyah to someone when he graduates high school, or is about to get married—why not when he qualifies for the Boston marathon? Be sure to publicly congratulate those who complete marathons, triathlons, and other fitness milestones; from the bimah, if possible. Mention those who are training for big races or competitions, and recognize both their effort and their accomplishments. It’s a relatively minor way of providing incentive to other community members, but will make clear that your community values wellness.

I recently read a posting about a Creative Writing Seminar for Jewish women in Jerusalem; I love to write...I'm a Jewish woman...why not? I took a vacation day, showed up with my notebook and several deliciously colorful pens, and walked in the door of a Beit HaKerem hotel that I'd never heard of. What did I see? A combination of things, really. Long skirts, sheitels, head coverings, tanakhs, babies and closed-toe shoes. My tight, green army pants didn't quite match the chosen attire of these Jewish women, and judging by the stares—not unfriendly stares, mind you—I'm guessing that I wasn't the only one cognizant of my misunderstanding about what defines a Jewish Woman—in this case, at least.Jewish Women Creative Writing Seminar: is this really what I signed up for?

I'd stumbled upon a large group of ultra-Orthodox, English-speaking female writers in Jerusalem. They're a larger community than I would have imagined and they write short stories, memoirs, novels, articles and poems that are mostly related to Orthodoxy and/or Torah. Everyone was friendly, especially when I changed into a long-sleeved shirt and pants that could be confused for a skirt. Still, the woman next to me whispered (out of concern) during a session, "Do you know what Tisha B'Av is?"

The content of the workshop was mostly irrelevant to me—however, what was interesting about this seminar was beyond the Creative Writing content.

I wondered, what had compelled these women to write in the first place? My preconceived notions about this group of ultra-Orthodox women had rendered me shocked that they were seeking to express themselves and that it wasn't causing a stir within the community. These women had stories to tell. I spent much of my day listening to them. Why did they write? How did this fit into their busy schedule of being a wife, child-rearing, Shabbat dinners, etc.?

One woman, we'll call her Rachel*, told me that writing was a way for her to maintain modesty, but to simultaneously prove to the world that she had something to contribute beyond washing her floors. She explained that she lives a beautiful life of Torah and family, but that it was nearly impossible for her to incorporate her own voice into these dear passions of hers; she feels like a robot. She describes her writing as an attempt to express the male crafted, text defined role of a woman with a woman's voice. She tries to highlight the tenderness, compassion, and strength that is required of the women in her community, because as she sees it, their G-d given blessings are too often generalized.

Another woman, Miriam, has already published three books and is working on her fourth. Her third book, she says, will enable her be financially independent to the extent that she and her newborn baby can leave her abusive husband and start anew. At the outset, she saw writing as employment that was easy to hide from her husband. Now, she sees it as a vehicle for expression. She never publishes her real name or the location of her religious community in Jerusalem, and so she speaks liberally (given the parameters of the publishers) about the physical violence in her home. Her strong belief in G-d and living a "Torah life" help her articulate her struggle in terms that other religious women can understand and empathize with. She feels that the secular writing about abuse fails to help ultra-Orthodox women that suffer from similar issues, because they feel as though they need advice and solace from within their uniquely religious communities. Write On, Sister!: writing can be an outlet for Israeli Orthodox women

Chava has been trying to get a book published for four years. Several manuscripts later, she's attending the seminar hoping to get some advice that she hasn't heard before. The problem with her previous manuscripts? Apparently, they don't speak of Torah strongly enough to be considered relevant to religious publishing companies and their clients. She explains that she is a woman of Torah, but that she is disgusted by the forced ignorance of the Orthodox regarding issues that they define as secular, such as eating disorders, sexual orientation and financial strife. She says that she'll continue to fight the publishing companies, but that if need be, she'll ultimately attempt to appeal to secular publishers (which the organizers of the seminar had referred to several times as "inappropriate for the frum world") at the risk of being the object of contempt in her community.

I spoke to almost half of the 120 participants, and not one of them told me that they were at the seminar simply because they loved to write. Given their stories, I'd venture to call them activists and feminists within a community that lives in the past, which seems to make them even more exceptional. They've found each other, and they've found a way to be ideologically innovative and creative within the bounds of a society that prefers their voices to be meek and modest.

Had they not been confused about the definition of a "Jewish woman," I may never have stumbled upon such an empowering group of women.

*All of the names in this article have been changed.

Frieda Kahlo: knew how to rock the uniIt's kind of odd how this New York Times article on teens battling unwanted facial hair pretty much sidesteps the whole question of ethnic identity (even as it spotlights an Indian girl). We Jews are a swarthy people. It's not hard to be the hottest girl at Jewish Day School: the sixth grader without the full moustache usually wins, hands down. Hair removal is part and parcel of the modern-day Jewish American experience.

It doesn't take a Liberal Arts degree to note that the expensive, humiliating, Sisyphean task of removing our naturally occurring, pretty much universal, and persistent-as-hell hair is something of an attempt to pass as (choose one):

1. white
   
2. pre-pubescent
   
3. manufactured-by-Mattel
   
4. all of the above
   

I'd be a huge, hairy hypocrite if I said teenage girls should just, like, roll with their hirsutism—if hair removal methods were drugs, I'd've been the motherfucking Keith Richards of Camp Ramah. But honestly: "excess" hair has pretty much come to mean everything but eyelashes. And that just 'aint right.

Every so often we encounter someone bold enough to own her shit (see: Jennifer Miller, self-proclaimed circus freak); on occasion you'll hear a half-assed defense of the full-brow via mention of Frida Kahlo. But where's the protest? Where's the outrage? Where's the ethnic pride? Where's the New-Jew/hipster/I-Have-Chin-Hair-Like-My-Grandma-And-I'm-Proud movement? Where are the "Hitler Can Kiss My Hairy Jewish Ass" T-shirts?

For the record, and only slightly off-topic, my mostly heterosexual research has shown that adult males who are bothered by standard human adult female body hair are, with no exceptions, abominable lays.